The Toxicity of the Ghosting Culture
The Toxicity of the Ghosting Culture
The term "ghosting" has become a common household phrase as it's become increasingly popular over the last several years.
The reason for this is that we have perpetrated a culture of disappearing from people's lives because we don't want to deal with the consequences of our own feelings or actions. So instead of having the courage to tell someone that you're not interested or that you can't be their friend anymore, some people will simply stop speaking to you with no explanation whatsoever. This kind of behavior hurts and shocks people for the simple fact that it's incredibly harsh and extreme.
It's an ego-based reaction which has the tendency to come across as cold and insensitive.
The soul reacts in compassionate ways and will always lead you to do the right thing even when it's hard. Feeling a desire to not want to face the other person is normal because it's scary and brave to do this. Being honest and forthright when you know that it may be challenging is not easy but it is actually the more kind and compassionate way to treat someone. As long as, of course, it's honesty that's delivered with tact and integrity.
Toxicity Breeds Toxicity
The reason that this ghosting trend is so toxic is that it leaves the one who was ghosted In a state of confusion, sadness and shame.
It can cause the "ghostee" to become stuck in a limbo state of not knowing what happened and usually ends up blaming themselves. The ghoster seemingly gets away without having to do the dirty work of being real and honest. This can be quite common with first or second dates and while I personally don't feel like it's nice to ever do this, it won't have the impact that it has with someone you knew for years.
This can have some gray areas because of the whole idea of going "no contact" if someone is abusive which I wholeheartedly support.
That of course is not what I'm referring to in this post. I'm referring to the people who you have known for years who just up and disappear one day with no explanation and no communication. It seems that communication on a whole has become tainted with the desire for people to skirt responsibility and dodge tough subjects in order to save face or not have to deal. The ego has become the stronger of the two, ego vs soul, and seemingly saves itself by running away from doing the right thing.
The ego is fragile and feeds off your fears and insecurities.
It will tell you that the easier path of being completely lacking in compassion and empathy is the way to go. Because then you don't have to own up to your own feelings, admit that you're not happy in your relationship and risk a confrontation or uncomfortable situation. This happens in all relationships as well, not just romantic. The strange and unusually cruel pain that this inflicts on the Ghostee is one that can last for some time for the simple fact that the person never gets closure and is left wondering what they did wrong.
Finding a Better Way
We can argue here that you won't always get the closure you want and need with situations in your life, which is true.
But given a choice in your circumstances, the more soulful, and karmically friendly approach, is to be kind enough to at least let the other person know why you're leaving. At the end of the day, we are all souls here to learn lessons and ascend to higher vibrational levels. We are all one whether the illusion of separation feels real or not. Being overly selfish to the point of being cruel just for self-preservation is not a soul based way to live life. It is however a way to accumulate more karma to work out in your next life.
Expressing your discontent to someone else in a mature and honorable way is a humbling experience for both of you.
The silver lining in doing it this way is that you give yourself and the other person the gift of closure, growth and wisdom in the process. Another result of this is that you won't burn a bridge and you can separate amicably. Resentment will eventually fade because the honesty was there. While people may not like hearing the truth at first, they always appreciate it more in the end. That quote by Gloria Steinem "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off" comes to mind here.
The truth is not always the easiest thing to hear but it really is the only way to freedom.
Being honest and truthful with others in a way which promotes growth will break karmic chains and cycles. Ghosting people and only being considerate to your own feelings and needs will invariably create karmic ties which will need to be balanced out. Choosing to be the ghoster means that you also choose to one day be the ghostee as this is how the laws of karma work. Having been in both positions myself, I can see the hurt it causes on both ends. Taking the time to consider the consequences of your actions before you act will always be the more soulful way to walk your path.
If you've been the ghoster, don't hate on yourself too much as we all make mistakes.
The only way to do better in life is to know better and sometimes the only way to know better is to make mistakes. The point is to learn from them so that you make better, more heart-centered choices in the future. And remembering that when we hurt each other, we are only hurting ourselves.
Have you ever been ghosted?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Tara Reynolds