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The Ultimate Ethical Love Spell and Affirmation - That Actually Works

Updated on October 20, 2014
A pink spell candle for love and romance.
A pink spell candle for love and romance. | Source

In the days when I used to hang out in Wiccan and witchcraft chatrooms, the number one question was "Can you tell me how to do a love spell for free? One that really works?"

This usually got the questioner a lengthy explanation of why love spells are bad.

But love spells aren't bad IF you know how to do one in a manner that's safe, healthy, harms no one and doesn't impact your karma in a negative way.

Working as a psychic and spiritual counselor I'm often asked for advice on love and romance. The love spell I'm going to give you here, is based on an affirmation I often give to my clients. Sometimes several times in one night. It's just that good.

This love spell actually works and it works not just well, but fantastically well. In fact, it's the spell that I used to draw my second (and last and forever) husband to me.

And if you don't like to do spells? Not a problem. The Ultimate Love Affirmation works fantastic by itself.

While I am normally a strong proponent of creating your own spell, every once in a while you come across one that works so well that it deserves to be passed on. This spell is one of those.

Here's the deal: You deserve love.

I want you to find it.

But before I get to the spell itself, lets start with some information that will help you understand how love spells work.

Why Do Love Spells Get a Bad Rap?

Ask most witches for a love spell and you're likely to get a lecture. The sad truth is that most people who use love spells do so with a particular person in mind.

This isn't healthy. And these spells usually flop and backfire big time on the person who cast them. Why? It's not ethical to cast a spell on an unwilling participant. Not ever.

So the love spell done on that specific person you're thinking about tends to end up creating stalkers and other abusive relationships. In my book SpellCraft Secrets I wrote an entire chapter on karma. I'll condense it here with respect to love spells.

Everyone deserves free will. You wouldn't want anyone else deciding what's best for you. Right?

Nobody else wants that either.

So let's say that you cast a love spell with a particular person in mind. What happens?

Well if your magickal power happens to be strong enough to overcome that other person's will, you have, in effect created a zombie. While they may have free will regarding other aspects of their life, they're now in love with you. They don't have the power to change it.

Have you ever cast a love spell before?

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Why This Stinks

As long as your love spell is in effect, that person will feel driven to retain your love. There might be instances of intense jealousy (pretty much any time you make a friendship with someone).

You might find that this person actually isn't right for you. In fact you absolutely WILL find that out. Because if they were right for you, you would have fallen in love together in a completely natural way.

Good luck with that. Because of your spell, they're still going to be hanging around. Thus the stalker aspect.

It's actually quite easy to cast a spell. You combine your heartfelt desire and need with the unfettered energy of the Planet and the Universe itself, and you begin to tip the dominoes of possibility and probability.

But uncasting a spell? That's a challenge. The Universe doesn't have a simple Undo Button.

Once you've created energy and put it out there, you have to wait until that energy has moved through it's full cycle or in atomic speak, its "half life." In the case of a love spell, that cycle is based on how long a relationship might be expected to last. That might be 75-100 or more years, depending on how old you are when you begin it. As medical advances grow, that timeline will grow as well.

If you happen to drag the wrong person into your net via a spell, that energy could extend for years and even decades, locking you into an uncomfortable and manipulative relationship.

Can a spell be undone? Yes, but not easily. That's a whole other subject. Better to never do a spell that's going to slap you silly in the first place.

Do They Really Love You?

The giant problem with a manipulative person-based love spell is that you will never get to know if they really care about you, or if it's just your magick that is keeping the relationship intact.

Here's the deal: Do you want to actually be loved or do you just want to feel like you're loved? Me, I choose the first option.

Seriously. Do you want to live in a relationship where you have to wonder if they really care about you, or if magick is doing it?

Obsession isn't healthy. Not for you, not for them.

Less Than Perfect

It is my powerful and absolute belief that every person on this planet has a perfect match. And that they have the ability to find that person in this and every lifetime.

When you use a manipulative love spell (or for that matter manipulate someone in any way, spell or not, to keep them with you) it prevents that perfect person from finding you. Because you're stuck on the one who probably isn't your perfect match.

The ALL Knows It All and Knows Who's Best for You

It's also my belief that the All (Feel free to insert your own name for this, whether you call it God, Goddess, Great Spirit, the Universe or the Giant Spaghetti Monster.) knows what's best for you. If you allow It to, and work with it, it will eventually lead you to the person who will bring you ultimate happiness.

Why fight that?

Are You Ready For a Real Relationship?

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Why You Want a Real Relationship

A real relationship isn't about getting "hooked up." It's not just about having someone that makes you feel loved. (Though feeling loved is certainly a wonderful goal so long as you go about it in a healthy manner.)

It's only not about having a great time in bed. Consider that a plus. And it should be fun and delicious for both of you. The physical sharing of a true relationship goes beyond mere physical pleasure and establishes communion and connection. It is as much about giving your partner joy as having your own.

A relationship is about finding someone you can communicate with, share goals and interests with, It's about learning to deal with the faults and foibles in a fellow human and still be able to cherish them.

Still want to wake up every day gazing into their eyes.

What's an Ethical Love Spell?

An ethical spell is one in which you don't focus on a particular person. Instead you trust in the greater wisdom of the Universe to draw the right person to you.

Unlike the manipulative spells I've spoken about above, this type of spell doesn't force anyone. Nor does it create any harm or have negative repercussions.

An ethical spell will tune into your own Higher Power to make you magnetic to the energy of love.

A Little About Casting Spells

If you're interested in casting this spell, It will help if you know some of the terminology and techniques. If you're a seasoned witch or magickal practitioner, feel free to skip this part.

Creating "sacred space" refers to any practice that sanctifies yourself and the area in which you're casting the spell. In Wicca and witchcraft we call this "casting circle." It is just as valid to sprinkle Holy Water, read a psalm or follow the rites of whatever religion or spiritual practice you follow.

"Grounding and Centering" are methods of connecting with the energies of the Planet and the Universe at large. They allow you to tap into more power than your human body allows. Some examples of this are tree meditations, the Quabalistic Cross or just taking a moment to close your eyes and feel at one with your Deity and the planet as a whole.

"Raising energy" means using song, dance, vehement prayer, chanted words or other methods to pull forth the energy of the Earth and the Universe. You will know the energy has peaked when it feels as if the energy is so powerful that it's trying to pull away from you to get to where it belongs.

I go into methods for all these in depth in SpellCraft Secrets, and there is also much information on the web about them.

Another thing it's important to know: Need and desire are the fundamentals of magick. Therefore don't allow someone else to cast a spell for you. Nobody cares as much about your love life as you do.

Don't worry about "getting it wrong." There's not much you can mess up with this particular spell.

If you have a friend who can help you create sacred space and you want to work the spell together to empower it in each of your lives, that's fine. But you don't NEED someone else to cast it for you -- and certainly don't pay for that.

Do the Spell Then Take Action

One of the most important things about spells is that they're not going to help unless you also take action. Spells don't make things happen, they make things MORE LIKELY to happen.

A primary reason for spells failing is when the caster doesn't take some kind of action to give the spell an opportunity to function.

I highly recommend that before you do this spell you read the other articles in this series, especially Taking Action to Find Your True Love.

Red roses are symbolic of passion.
Red roses are symbolic of passion. | Source

Lover's Wish List

One thing that helps get the Universe in line with your desires to make a list of what you hope to find in the perfect person.

You might list things like:

  • Shares my core spiritual values.
  • Shares my core political values.
  • Makes me laugh.
  • Responsible.
  • Good at communicating in our relationship.
  • Respects my love for (something you care deeply about).
  • Respects my intelligence.
  • Etc. Anything absolutely essential for you in a relationship.

Don't go overboard on this. The longer the list, the more challenging it will be for the Universe to give you what you're looking for. Try to keep it to no more than 10 or so items.

Look over your list and pare it down. With each one, ask yourself if it would be an absolute deal breaker if the person didn't have that aspect.

As an example, one guy I dated wanted to eat out all the time. I love to cook and I'm amazing at it. But this dude was squeamish about almost everything that wasn't a hamburger. Frustrating! I told myself that the right person for me would love food and adore my cooking.

My forever husband? Yup he's a foodie. We enjoy cooking together and for each other, as well as watching shows about food together. It's heaven.

Another example. The same guy who didn't want me to cook, also didn't like my cat (or any cat) very much. I already had an established relationship with my kitty and I was neither giving him up nor wanting him to be a second-class citizen in my home. So when I asked to find my forever love, I stipulated that he'd love my cat. One of the things I found on hubby's profile page was a photo of him holding his cat. Again, I knew we'd be compatible.

Don't be too specific. I had one student, proud of her Irish heritage who asked that her new love be Irish. That ended up backfiring on her big time. (You can read that story in SpellCraft Secrets.)

Things I'd recommend leaving out would include:

  • Race/Ethnicity
  • Specific religion. For instance saying you want someone who is "Pagan or Pagan friendly" is fine. As is saying you want someone "Christian or Christian friendly," etc. Remember that values and beliefs are different things.
  • Specific hobbies/arts. If you have a hobby or artform you're passionate about, it's okay if the other person doesn't share that exact hobby with you. So long as they respect your love for it.
  • Physical Characteristics. Eye color, hair color, height. weight, etc.

If you ask the Universe to find you a 6' foot 2 inch, 180 lb. Catholic Italian tap dancer with blonde hair, green eyes and a love of water polo, you're making it challenging as heck for the right person to come to you.

State your list in a positive manner. For example, don't say, "I want someone who doesn't treat me like garbage." Say, "I want someone who treats me with love and respect."

The Wish List as a Spell

If you want, you can use this list in a spell.

Be aware that this is NOT the "Ultimate Love Spell" that I'm going to show you shortly. Also, because doing spells for the same thing may actually make your spell work SLOWER, don't do any love spell (or any spell for the same specific purpose) more than once every three or more months.

Because the Ultimate Love Spell is so powerful I suggest you do that one first, wait three months and then if you desire, use this one.

Give yourself at least a week after you've made the list to fine tune it.

Follow the same directions as for the Ultimate Love Spell (below).

Instead of steps 7 & 8 substitute your wish list, writing it down again and reading out loud starting with "[Your Deity of Choice] I accept someone who..." (And as per that spell, read it 3 times total.)

Place the list under the candle the same as with the Ultimate Love Spell, and follow the rest of the steps.

The Ultimate Love Affirmation

First a warning or two about this affirmation.

You can use this if you are already in a relationship. It will do one of two things. Either it will make you stronger as a couple, or it will cause you to see that your present partner is not the right person for you. Be prepared and open to either outcome.

Whether or not you already have a partner, it will cause powerful changes in your life, opening you to the perfect person. It may (and likely will) cause you to have experiences that will make you grow as a human. Only use it if you are ready and willing to accept love and joy and the challenges of a true partnership into your life.

Credit Where Credit is Due

To my knowledge, this affirmation was created by my mentor, Lord Ash. I am not aware whether he had help with it or if it comes whole or in part from his own teachers. One of my students and I added two words to it, which we felt made the affirmation stronger.

The first time I saw this spell work, was around 1999. Ash told me about the spell, and suggested that I use it as well, and give it out freely. His husband came into his life within about 6 months. A year or two ago they were legally married.

The Affirmation

I accept a reciprocal relationship that fulfills and satisfies me physically, emotionally, mentally, dynamically and spiritually.

Breaking Down How it Works

"I accept," means you are opening your heart and letting that energy in.

It's a reciprocal relationship therefore both of you will get as much from the relationship as you put into it. Assuming you put in the work -- and any relationship IS work,-- you will both grow and thrive as a couple and as individual human beings.

It fulfills and satisfies you on every level of life. Those levels are pretty self explanatory, but I'll touch on "dynamically." This means that you will come together in the right place and time when you are both the right people for the relationship to last over time.

How to Use The Affirmation

Write it down, and place it somewhere you will see it every day. You can make multiple copies and post them in various places in your home.

Say the affirmation out loud. Put energy and power into your voice.

Know it is coming true.

I recommend saying it at least once per day, though more times a day can't hurt.

You can also make it into a spell (as below).

Making It a Spell

You do not NEED to use the Ultimate Love Affirmation as a spell. It will work just as an affirmation. However it certainly doesn't hurt to work a spell to empower it. (And I did promise a spell, right?)

This is a simple candle spell which can be used as a guideline for creating your own spells, if you so desire.

Note that you may want to have a copy of the instructions with you during the spell, but that you should familiarize yourself with them before getting ready to cast.

You will need:

  • Pink candle (Note: You can also use a red candle, however it's my feeling that pink works better for this.)
  • Pen and Paper
  • A copy of the Ultimate Love Affirmation
  • Something to light the candle with (matches, a lighter or an already lit candle)

You May Also Want

  • Incense ( Rose, patchouli or amber are especially appropriate.)
  • Flowers (Pink and red roses are traditional of love. You may also want to include flowers that are personal to you.)
  • Dove's Blood Ink (no, it's not made with real doves or with any sort of blood) and a quill pen rather than a normal pen. This ink is traditionally used to draw friendship and love.
  • Pink paper rather than normal paper.
  • A drum.
  • Any altar gear you normally use.
  • A small piece of pink quartz
  • Any items that remind you of love and romance.


  1. Choose a time during the Waxing or Full Moon or to work your spell. (Waxing Moon is used for bringing something to you.) Make certain that you will be uninterrupted, and that you will have plenty of time afterward to relax, let your candle burn and eat something. (Eating is grounding and as casting a spell takes energy, you need to replenish that.)
  2. Set up the space and altar for casting your spell. Feel free to make your space and altar as pretty as you like. Place your candle on your altar and any other items nearby and within reach. If using the pink quartz, place it in front of your candle.
  3. Ground and center.
  4. Create sacred space in your normal manner.
  5. Invoke your Deity or Deities of choice.
  6. Take a moment to focus on what it will feel like to be in a loving, mutual relationship, and hold that focus as you go through steps 7 through 11.
  7. Write the Ultimate Love Affirmation down, reading it aloud as you do so.
  8. Read the affirmation out loud two more times. (For a total of three readings.)
  9. Place the affirmation under the candle.
  10. Raise energy by singing, dancing, drumming or chanting "I accept love."
  11. When the energy peaks send it into the candle.
  12. Light the candle. Say: "I accept love! May it be so!" (Or "so mote it be," "amen" or whatever is appropriate to your beliefs.)
  13. Thank the Deities. Release your sacred space in your normal manner. Remember to ground yourself.
  14. Allow the candle to burn down in a safe place, and taking all normal safety procedures for fire. Never let candles burn unattended.
  15. Within 24 hours, take at least one action from my article "Taking Action to Find Your True Love," or some other action to meet your special someone.
  16. Continue using the Ultimate Love Affirmation on a regular basis. If you used the pink quartz, carry it with you to remind you of your affirmation.

Photo Credits

Pink Candle by Lionrhod

Via Wikimedia Commons by Creative Commons Share Alike:

Red Rose Peeperman

Via Flickr by Creative Commons Share Alike:

Heart Irina Patrascu

Cat at Window Alisha Vargas


Other Articles in this Series

What Stops Me From Finding Love? A look at how other issues in our lives can prevent us from finding the love we're longing for.


Taking Action to Find Your True Love. Part of a successful spell is taking action to allow it to work. Here are some steps you can take.

© 2014 Lionrhod

How do you feel about love spells in general or this one in particular?

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      Lionrhod 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Thanks for asking Alisha. You don't have to use the pink quartz or the dove blood ink. If you want, the juice of raspberries or another berry would be perfect. You can use clear quartz in the place of any other stone. Or use a picture of a heart or a heart shaped piece of jewelry or other heart shaped item

    • profile image

      Alisha 3 years ago

      pink quart and dove blood is not available in my country...any alternatives???