ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The man who couldn't afford a God

Updated on October 16, 2010
The question which is rarely answered.
The question which is rarely answered. | Source

Once upon a time there was a man who was so poor he couldn’t even afford a God. That bothered him, because he was very rich, and everybody else apparently had one. He went to churches, synagogues, mosques and even a few cults to find this God, which apparently wasn’t available in the supermarkets, even the upmarket type.

The problem, he eventually realized, was that he couldn’t afford to believe in something bigger than himself, or beyond his understanding. That was mentally too expensive. It altered his own status, which was his form of self recognition, and he couldn’t afford to part with that.

He decided he was an atheist, until he discovered he couldn’t understand atheism, which was too complex and too simple. How could he base a belief on not believing in something? He’d studied business, not philosophy. So, not being qualified, obviously he couldn’t understand either atheism or religion.

Eventually his business sense came to his rescue. He’d make his own God, and start his own ideology. He started with a God which was well disposed to fat, graying rich people who didn’t do a lot of thinking. This God just expected people to live in a nice house and go to work and make money. Not, perhaps, the most ambitious God, but certainly a reliable one.

This idea was going well until he remembered there was that thing called the soul. He wasn’t sure what it was, but since he was supposed to have one, he decided that his God would reward a soul which lived in a house and went to work and made money. This, he thought, was real consistency, unlike those other Gods with their rather wordy, vague approach to things.

He set up an altar in his office and in his home, where he burnt money, the only thing he knew for sure to be of value. Then, being quite converted to his own religion, he built one in a private alcove in his office. The amount of money, he realized, equated to the value of his beliefs according to his God.

One day, feeling particularly religious, he brought in a very large amount of cash, some firelighters, ten whole boxes, and piously burned the money. He also burned down the building, himself, and died.

In the after life, he heard a voice calling to him. He headed toward the voice, and saw a man walking towards him. As the man got closer, he saw it was himself.

“Great!” thought the man. “If I’m God, I’ve got the whole thing solved!”

The man, himself, came closer. He stood in front of him, and said,



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • GmaGoldie profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 

      8 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      Wow - masterful wit! Awesome!

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      Paul, what a wonderful story. 'Trust in God' is for us and the dollar for the bankers.

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 

      8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      This is great ~ made me laugh. LOL!!!

    • Paul Wallis profile imageAUTHOR

      Paul Wallis 

      8 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Just a coincidence, surely...

    • 666divine profile image


      8 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      Seeing the the the words "trust in God" is imprinted on the American dollar....


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)