- Religion and Philosophy»
- Non-denominational Beliefs & Practices
The most important thing is love
I decided to talk about love because it’s the only thing that really matters. You’ve heard the saying that love never fails. That love can do anything and love can break down even the hardest of hearts. I’m not just talking about a good feeling of love. I’m talking about the real deal. This is one thing I’ve started to practice now more than ever. I’ve made a lot of conscious decisions based on love. It’s about loving myself because when I treat someone with love, I am also treating myself with love. We are all connected.
It may seem easy to hate, to be angry at someone or people. To hate those who harm us. But when we hate, the only people we are really harming is ourselves. I remember feeling hatred towards someone for a while. I justified it because of their behaviour, I felt I had a right to hate that person but all it really did was make me ill and stressed. Hate is like a toxin, it kills you from the inside out. It makes your world unpleasant and you attract so much negativity that it does more harm than good. Why give someone that much control over you? Why allow them to be resident in your mind and heart and stop yourself from moving forward. I realised that carrying around this hatred didn’t change the person and I also noticed that it didn’t seem to affect them in anyway. They were getting on with their lives and here I was, holding onto hatred. It made no sense. After some honest soul searching and letting go I began to feel lighter and my life began to turn around.
How to let go of those who hurt you
Five years ago I went through a very painful divorce. I had been cheated on constantly and in the end I felt so betrayed. It hurt, he was the one who had wronged me and yet it never seemed to occur to him. I was livid. I spent a lot of time hating him and his now partner he’d left me for. But in all honesty, that had done me no good. He seemed to be carrying on with his life, while I held onto hatred. It was time to make a change, time to take responsibility for my own life. I had to be a good mother and I had to start taking care of me. I knew I had do something which leads me to what to do next.
Ask for help
I honestly was struggling with letting go of the anger. I wanted to but parts of me wanted to hold onto it. I didn’t know how to let go. It’s a human thing to want to hold onto hate. We think that by holding onto it the other person will suffer. We think that if we let go of it they won’t pay for their mistakes. But in truth the only person who really pays is you. You’ll pay no doubt in the form of your health. That long term back pain, that headache that won’t go away. I used to carry a lot of pain in my left shoulder everyday. Whether you are aware of it or not hatred holds you back. Because of this I sought out counselling. Best thing I ever did for myself.
Getting professional help, helped me learn things about myself I didn’t understand. I understood where my anger was coming from and why I held onto the hatred. It is always about you. When I learnt that it was ok to be angry in a healthy way, to understand that what he did was wrong and it didn’t validate me in anyway. That who I was didn’t change and that his behaviour wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough but because it was who he was. I realised that I was holding onto the hate because I believed the message he gave me. It made me angry because I believed it. Once you stop believing what someone said about you or is doing to you, you will move away from that situation. You will become empowered and you will let it go.
Letting go of hate is self love. Loving yourself is the beginning of a life you couldn’t imagine. My ex and I are friends now and all the pain and hurt I held has gone. We’ve remained friends also for my daughter’s sake. I also know how to block out any negative and when you change on the inside the outside reflects back to you.
If anyone told me this five years ago that I wouldn’t feel any resentment, I just would not have believed it. Take your time, work through it and you will begin to feel release but you must be willing to let go of hate and let love in. Love really does conquer all and life becomes lighter and better.