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Things You Cannot Do or Say if You Are Planning on Being a Preacher

Updated on May 5, 2014

America's preacher, Billy Graham


To begin

They have titles such as: Reverend, pastor, minister, Bishop, priest, and evangelist. Most of us just call them “preachers.”

We hear them deliver life-changing messages from The Bible on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and 24 hours a day on some television networks. Preaching is one of the toughest jobs on earth, I heard one preacher say years ago. Up till then it had crossed my mind at age 22, that I might enjoy preaching God’s Word. I guess I was not cut from the “man of (that) cloth.”

He was correct. Preaching is tough. Preaching is declaring an event that is yet to come, and to some people who do not believe in God, government, or running water. Therein is the rub, I suspect the preacher meant about preaching being \”one of the toughest jobs on earth.”

Jesus was a preacher. The best to ever set foot on dry land. Unequalled in his mastery of his crowds', emotional state, and needs. That was Jesus. And what makes Jesus unique is that He always taught (or delivered) the truth in what He said, not a “pipe dream,” of once you are converted, you will become wealthy beyond your wildest dreams and live a life void of trouble, pain, and persecution.

This preacher is from Brazil.



have what it takes to


this is a very serious question that you had better be able to answer.

Jesus was the best

Jesus, and those men and women then and today, who are chosen to be preachers (or any of the titles in the first of this piece), have a strict code of conduct they must live by in order to keep their integrity and credibility intact. Who would listen to a boozing, womanizing, gambling, swearing, and stealing preacher? I wouldn’t.

Guess I am part old-fashioned and part open-minded to a point. I perceive that preachers are not perfect. Neither are we, who are the believers. Whoever teaches or preaches that “we” are expected of God to live perfect lives while in the flesh, are misguided, spiritual-illiterate people who do not know how to interpret the Scriptures.

If it sounds good, gets roaring “Amen’s,” then it must be of God, some of these wayward ministers think. How sad it is in this day of being able to hear “the truth” of the Gospel on television, radio, iPad, Smart Phones, and other devices, and still remain in darkness and ignorance. What is even sadder are the throngs of people swarming to hear these “preachers,” who do not know The Apostle Paul from Hulk Hogan.


T.D. Jakes
T.D. Jakes | Source
The late Adrian Rogers
The late Adrian Rogers | Source
Jerry Vines
Jerry Vines | Source
Myesha Chaney
Myesha Chaney | Source
Steve Olford
Steve Olford | Source

Are you ready for this?

If you are thinking about being a preacher, pastor, or evangelist, then take a moment to read this list of . . .

"Things That a You Cannot Say or Do if You are Going to be a Preacher ”

and then re-evaluate your desire to be a preacher, pastor, or evangelist.

  1. Step up to the pulpit on Sunday morning and say, “Morning, losers. How’s it hanging this morning?”

  2. Before you start your sermon, spit out your smokeless tobacco in a Styrofoam cup.

  3. Start the service by telling a few off-color jokes to get the crowd relaxed.

  4. Appear at the Sunday service dressed as Batman and say loudly, “I am here to put a stop to the Joker called sin!”

  5. Ask, “How many of you plan on giving ‘til it hurts when the offering plate is passed around?” Then add, “If you are planning on giving “just” a few bucks, I am outta here.”

  6. Wink at (the) stranger, a pretty blond in the front row dressed in a green mini-skirt and comment, “This girl on the front row is my wife’s second cousin from Ireland.” Then say, “The title of today’s inspirational message is, “Thou shalt not lie, is not a joke.”

  7. Show up tipsy from your nephew’s all-night bachelor party where you accepted a dare to chug-a-lug 24 cans of beer at daylight.” And you won.

  8. Scratch your crotch every few minutes. Then when you realize that the congregation is whispering about this vulgar act, say loudly, “Oh, do not worry. I do not have crabs!” Then to add humor to your embarrassment add, “I had the shrimp.”

  9. You cannot make inappropriate advances toward the women in the choir—in front of the congregation.

  10. Use people from your congregation in your sermon. (e.g.) “then Samson killed 3,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass.” Then say, “That was talking about you, “Deacon Henry, the jawbone part!”

These are only 10 things that you cannot say or do if you choose to preach as your life’s calling. There are a lot more, but I felt if you could master these things, you would be doing a lot better than “some” now ex-preachers who are pumping gas in obscurity.


Since preaching is such a sensitive and sometimes-controversial subject, the following is just my opinion. Not necessarily those of HubPages, the staff of HubPages, or anyone connected with HubPages.

You will notice that I did not use the prefix "Rev." or "Reverend," with each of the known-preachers I used on this piece.

There is a reason, and it is purely personal and simply my conjecture that since the ascension of Jesus in the book of Acts, it has been my feeling that mortal men and women who are preachers of the Word of God are not to be revered as people did Jesus when He walked the earth.

He is the only one worthy to wear that title, "Reverend," but in the scriptures, He did not use any title to carry The Scriptures. He just taught and preached what His Father gave Him.

If a person has a need to be called "reverend," that is their business. Not mine. But as for me, I will not revere any mortal man or woman in today's society.

I will revere them when and only when they are worthy.



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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi Mary, my dear friend,

      Thanks for the insight. You are right. I think both professions take a lot of sacrifice, dedication and study.

      I do my best to teach a teen class at my church and it can be frustrating.

      Visit me anytime, Mary.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Preaching is like another profession I would NOT be good at and that is teaching!!

      Great humor here.

      Voted UP and shared.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago

      Hi, DDE,

      Thank for your kind words of encouragement, your wonderful friendship and following.

      I have grown so attached to looking for YOUR comments. Honest.

      Have a happy week ahead.


    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Everything said with careful thought so well written and explained. Thins said can affect certain minds

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, sheilamyers,

      Those ARE the real preachers. The men who could care less about the "Reverend" in front of their names. I love his nickname, Doc. I call my pastor by his name, John. But out of respect, I will surprise him and say, "Hi, pastor," or "Morning, Padre." And he always smiles.

      He too is not into titles. He just loves God so much that He enjoys preaching His word but not in a condemning way.

      Thanks for sharing the memory about Doc, and please visit with me more.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Ken: Again, I agree with what you said. The coolest and best pastor I ever met almost cringed if someone called him reverend. To this day, I can't remember his first and last name because he told everyone to call him "Doc", a nickname he had since he was a little boy. The name is forgotten, but I do remember the fantastic lessons in the sermons.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Sheila,

      After a little thought, I agree with you on #4. Yes, it would wake up the people who "just" show up for church to be seen of men. I like your thinking.

      Thanks for liking the hub and the postscript which is a thorn inmy side where I live. Some preachers in my hometown would get ill if we wrote their names in the stories we did for the paper I worked for.

      They would actually call us up and tell us we made a mistake. And I would ask how.

      "You didn't put reverend in front of my name," the would say in such a self-righteous tone.

      As if it mattered.

      Jesus had every right to wear that title, but didn't.

      That's why I think the way I do.

      Have a safe night.


    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I might be a bit strange, but I'd find it hilarious and acceptable for a pastor to do #4 as long as the sermon was about something like how we can fight the temptations to sin, personal accountability, or that type of thing. If nothing else, it would wake up the people who are already starting to fall asleep. I loved you postscript! I believe the same way you do about that - preachers shouldn't use such high and mighty titles.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Skye (pretty name)

      Thank you for your nice words of encouragement. I appreciate you taking time to read this hub. Honest.

      I love you too.

      Also in Christ,


    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, rebeccamealey,

      Thank you so much for the sweet comment. I am so glad when I can make my cherished-followers get a laugh from my hubs.

      Have a bright day.


    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Bless you dear brother. I am on smart phone will return to comment more. Loved it. Truth be spoken very well stated. Love ya Kenneth in Christ Jesus. Keep on dear bro. Phil 4:13. Skye

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 

      4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      A fun read! Thanks for a little humor this morning!


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