Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Church Social
Church socials and me
There was a time in my younger years that a church social was viewed by the community as sacred. I never really understood that idea, but when I grew older I thought it might have stemmed from the event being held at a church. And that's not a bad thing.
I never got to attend a church social because I had very strict parents. In their day, box suppers was the place to be if you were a young person. Box suppers were held at community school buildings on a Friday or Saturday night and it was big fun. Guys who were "sweet" on a certain girl would bid on her basket of goodies and the highest bidder would not only get the goodies, but spend some time with the girl while eating the food items that she prepared at her home.
Things Permitted at
- Quietly talking to members of the opposite sex
Eating moderate-amounts of light snacks
Drinking tasty sodas of various flavors
Listening to soft music
Casual dancing (within supervised guidelines)
Source: Kenneth Avery
Church socials and rules
Church socials were in reality not that different, except there was no bidding and no baskets of great food. But there was plenty of clean fun had by single girls and boys as well as the married couples as well. The older married couples served as chaperone's for this event. As if a boy and a girl were going to "cross the line" of decency and act naughty in a dark corner of the church basement.
So with that being said, let's envision for a moment a quiet, peaceable church social event entitled, "Church: We Are People Too!" and everyone is getting along great and the chaperone's have little or nothing to worry about.
That is until . . .some deep bass voice comes blaring over the church basement speakers hung high in each corner and begin to announce . . .
Things You Don't Want to Hear at a
Things Forbidden at
- Openly or secretly kissing members of the opposive (or same) sex
Gorging on light snacks
Drinking beer that has been sneaked into the social
Showing no self-respect dancing to wild music
Telling vulgar jokes in front of others
Source: Kenneth Avery
- "A car thief has made-off with a cream colored Buick that was parked in the church parking lot."
- "Did you people in the basement know there is a flu epidemic going around?"
- "Food being used in the church social all went past the expiration dates."
- "A sex offender was seen near the church this evening."
- "Our local police will be checking people leaving the social for signs of drinking."
- "Be careful for rats, ladies and gentlemen. We forgot to pay our monthly exterminator bill."
- "Our church historian found out this morning that our church building is sitting on an old cemetary."
- "Watch out for the big water pipe in the basement ceiling for we feel it may burst at any moment."
- "If you guys are trying to sneak a kiss from a young lady, we installed video cameras last week."
- "If anyone sees a Boa Constrictor in the basement, have your chaperones to escort you outside."
- "If you feel the building shaking, do not pay it any attention."
- "Patty Dillon" is missing! If you know of her whereabouts, tell a chaperone immediately."
I saw tomorrow look at me
From little children's eyes;
And thought how carefully we'd plan
If we were wise.— --MYRTLE BURGER