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Walk With Me

Updated on April 19, 2009

Memoirs of an Intimate Spiritual Journey

In this walk of my life, I have endured many hard trials and have also experienced many blessings, as well as, witnessed powerful miracles performed by God.

As a young girl, I was raised in the church; my grandfather was a Baptist Minister. However, his son, my dad was the total opposite; he wanted nothing to do with Church or God. Therefore, he never taught me anything pertaining to spirituality during the short time span that he was a part of my life. After he left my mother, our family was forced to move to a lower socio-economic class neighborhood, in other words, "the hood." This is where I was introduced to drugs, crime and violence. This was the building block of my life in understanding what it really meant to struggle to survive. A walk to the neighborhood grocery store could mean getting robbed or beaten by other children as well as teenagers in the community. Somehow, through it all and even my own personal drug use I maintained straight A's in school. My escape during my middle school years was modern dance. I excelled and even was featured on a television show. My other form of escape was reading, I would read books like people drank water. I would shut myself away from everyone else and go on adventures to far away lands, through what seemed liked hundreds of books I devoured yearly. Reading made me aware of the fact that there was another life out there away from all of the chaos in my own true existence. I vowed to myself that my ticket out of "the hood" was first my education, and secondly a good job that would allow me the ability to afford the lifestyle that I had read about in all the fictional books I had devoured.

As my life began to blossom, I began my journey from "the hood". Once I started high school, I left my community and attended school in another part of Washington, D.C. This allowed me the opportunity to see how other people lived. I would go visit with friends I had met at school in their beautiful homes, with stability, and with both a mother and father parenting them. I envied the kids at school and their clothing and cars and all of the amenities that my mother could never afford being on welfare and raising eight children without her husband. It was rough, I am the eldest child and I never wanted to burden my mother with buying me anything. I acquired jobs but they still could not provide what I desired financially. So, I became a product of my environment and started my own business. I partnered up with a friend and he fronted a product that I sold to my classmates. I had no fear of ever being caught, and even when they had planted narcs in our high school, I could spot them a mile away. Word around campus was that I was the go to person, but I thank God now that I was never caught. Just as quickly as I started this venture I ended it. I knew in the end it would take me nowhere that I had fantasized about. I was therefore determined to work my way to success. Little did I know back then that the best way to make money; I mean real money in this country is to have your own legal business.

During my high school years as well as middle school years "sex" was the major topic of discussion with all of my girlfriends; I remained a virgin through it all. My big activity was dancing and partying; I loved to dance and was very good at it. I entered dance contests all over D.C. and won many times. I was even on The Barry Richards dance show; the D.C. version of Soul Train. But with my love of dance came a dancing partner that I eventually lost my virginity too! I also enjoyed singing, and was very good at that as well; and, with my singing career I met my oldest son's father.

I found through my relationships, love, infidelity, verbal and physical abuse. I have learned many lessons and even though I have always maintained true in every relationship, I am now left single. My heart has been torn apart so many times, that I am now afraid to love deeply or truly trust any man with my heart. I have found there is only one that will never leave me, never forsake me, cheat on me, hit me or curse at me and that is God! It is with him that I find rest, peace, happiness, and unconditional love no matter the circumstance that is prevailing in my life. It does not matter if I make a mistake or say the wrong thing he loves, forgives, prunes, and teaches me so that my yesterdays are not a reflection of my tomorrows.

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    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      It seems you have lived a full life in your past. But even better than that is the fact that you have found peace and contentment living in God's way. Be blessed and thanks for sharing this :D

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