Warning: Trigger: Religion: Slip Kid
I hate to say it but I am still getting messages from "space." The other night I was unable to keep myself from smoking cigarettes even though I had not smoked in quite a long time because Jesus said I would be severely spanked if I smoked. He was out of patience with me on it. Many are out of patience with me on several matters. The concept of a "spanking" from a youngish looking man at 61 years of age struck my as undesirable, to say the least. Can you picture an old man turned over the Man's knee? No thanks.
But I knew something akin to a spanking was coming, and I was scared. After a few more smokes it started. That nasty nicotine demon who has tortured me for 35 years was back. And he was grinning. I had just been released from his influence and I started to worry a lot that I had been put back under his domination. Oh, no. Not after being released just 2 weeks ago. Would it be another 35 years? Jesus had said, "a severe spanking."
It lasted a couple of days. I was pissed. Some of the things I said to my friend and teacher shocked him severely. I hate recalling the look on his face as I gave him my most heartfelt, most bitter complaints. The most bitter insults I ever felt toward God in my life. I held back nothing.
After I squared off with the fact that the cigarettes are my problem, pure and simple, and flushed them down the tubes, things started calming down. The demon faded away. I no longer had to listen to his slurppy whispers. But I had hit my friend with some pretty mean comments. I felt pretty bad. So I tried to apologize.
Believe me, I laid it on thick. But I meant every word of it. It did not seem to satisfy him much at all, not by that look on his face. So I kept at it. I went on and on rewording, re-framing every bit of it, from the heart. Still the long haired master looked unmoved.
Suddenly the picture shifted. The appearance of Jesus the man, the thin, tall, long haired guy, the reputed "great man," though great man he be, still, to me, basically some guy I happened to know, faded. Some great teacher, to be sure, but really just some guy, more or less to me. The change was awesome
Cosmos upon cosmos upon cosmos upon cosmos. Expanse upon expanse upon expanse. Width unto Breadth unto depth- immaculate- infinity- spread out before me. It was Him, clearly. Then came the wee still voice.
" I am limitless
I am human,
I am limitless
I am human,
Who are you?"
What could I say? I was a lump of flesh crying out for bread and nothing more. And I had insulted my keeper. "All is lost," I was sure.
But what did He mean, " I am human?" He is divine, not human. Not really.. Human? In what way?
" I am limitless.
I am human."
"I don't get it. In what way could you be the same as a little human? You are limitless."
'I am limitless
I am human."
"Impossible. How are you human? In what way? What do you mean?"
" I am limitless.
I am human."
"In some way you are human? Do you mean you are a limitless human? Maybe that is it. Somehow you are the same thing as a human but you are limitless. A limitless human. Are you going to turn us into limitless humans too, like your self? Is that the idea?"
"You are too old for marriage."
"You mean the pretty, young Ashley, just 24, 37 years my junior, who helps me shower? You mean I am too old to start a family? I agree. I will be just friends with her. She will be OK with that. She has some young man she is working on. She smiles.It makes sense."
"You are too old to be a warrior."
"You mean my court case against Far West Center I was thinking to start? I was wondering if I am really up to it. Things could get stressful. Do I really want to put myself through that at my age. That rubber room is cold and I have COPD now. I don't want to get pneumonia. No blanket for rubber room residents. It could come to that before I kick their butts in court."
"We love one another.
We are free.
"And that's the instructions. And the answers to the questions I have been asking you lately. And that is how to manage my golden years..., be free, be happy, we love one another. Stop and smell the roses. Dump the stress. Take it easy. Putz around some, casually. Dabble. I am starting to feel better. Why have I been pressuring myself like this? Where's the fire, like they used to say long ago? Got it. Will do.,
Thanks. You're the best."
If I, the author, believe I am in communication with the citizens of Heaven, why the advert for the book, "Surviving Schizophrenia?" Then again, why such an article at all? Frankly, as a categorized Schizophrenic of 35 years I have grown quite weary of hiding my illness like an ugly pigmented face under make up. I am weary of being thought of as a potential serial killer and hearing my neighbors say, "You better watch him." And I am wondering if it might be possible to be open with the community about my condition in such a way that it will be seen and accepted that some such people are not as dangerous as all that, and can be trusted to work and play well with others.
With a little consideration and understanding, since I have long agreed to a modicum of treatment, in my opinion, it is doable. I believe people like me can show themselves to be trustworthy, productive, and useful to society, in spite of some extreme challenges, when convinced of the practical necessity of treatment. I ask that you give the schizophrenic in your neighborhood the benefit of the doubt and a fair shake on his efforts to establish his viability in the community, if you please. We are not as horrible as you might have been lead to believe in recent times, it seems to me. I thank you to please consider it. Let us make our communities safer for us all, you and me both. You know we can.
With that let me suggest further study with the resources below. Ignorance is NOT bliss. Far from it. A quick click-through to Amazon will uncover a wealth of information on mental health. At the staggering rate of increase of mental illness cases in America and with every shooting spree in these unjust and angry times being explained away as the acts of madmen, we must arm ourselves with knowledge. I hope you agree.