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What Good Relationships Have.
Relationships are tough in this modern era. So much goes into relationships that they can become like a maze of lies, deception, and confusion, unless both people put in the work to make a relationship work. Just as the saying goes, "It takes two to tango," (which I am going to guess applies equally to relationships as it does to the impossibly steamy dance move), it takes both people working just as hard to stay the course and keep the spark of their affection alive. Good things require perseverance, relationships are no different. Here are five values good relationships have:
The first one lies in the foundational framework of a relationship. When a guy asks a girl out, and she says yes, they embark on a mission to build trust. When people take time "getting to know one another," they begin building this pile of trust, and as they stay together it begins to look more like a fortress. These couples can withstand the attacks from without, and within, as they grow closely together and continue to build on that fortress. However, if two people are not on board, this mighty tower will fall. I once confessed something to my girlfriend and she welcomed and supported me into her arms. The trust was already built. It was strong. It can take a few hits when two people work at the building.
An integral pillar in a relationship, just as trust, is support. Supporting one another in the things we individually love to do is vital. My girlfriend is an architecture major and spends late hours in the studio. When things get crazy as she works on projects and models, I try to go and sit with her. It is usually mind-numbingly dull for me, but she enjoys when I sit in with her, so I do. I support her. Plus the end product is always legit. She is a great future architect! When my band plays shows, she always makes an effort to come watch. I also write a blog, she always tries to keep up and give me advice on how they turn out. She supports me, and I, her. It is an incredible system, and when two people trust one another and throw support in, their relationship is off to a great start!
This one does not exclusively mean gifts, although giving one another gifts is cool too! This quality entails what it says: giving of one another for the good of the other person. Being selfless is a character trait forgotten so often, I forget it too at times. So many times, people give in order to get, not only is this no way to live, but it is also nonsensical! Giving to others out of kindness should be a mainstay in our relationships. This past week, my girlfriend drove an hour south of where she goes to college (with her busy schedule of working fifteen hours a week and living in the studio an extra twenty hours a week on top of her fourteen hour course load) to come see me. Needless to say this was inconvenient for her. When we give when it is inconvenient, it tells much more of the quality of our heart than what lies in our heads. Our relationships need this! Give to your partner and see the results, you will find an increased trust level and support level. These build up and on one another!
Couples should be able to have fun with one another! While no relationship should be built on fun, it is definitely a vital support system. Try being with a person you have no fun with, it is exhausting, is it not? You can have all the trust in a person, but if you both lack the fun chemistry, the relationship will either be slow and crippling, or quick and painful. Nothing good comes out of a relationships built without fun or solely built on it. I take pride that I found a good woman with whom I have an absolute blast in this life. I get the pleasure of planning dates, so I get to be creative and play on her interests and mine, and we love it! Take the time, gentlemen, to plan a date you and your lovely lady will love and you will remember it always. Fun makes memories, builds trust, gives opportunity to support, and give selflessly.
5. Same Values.
So many times, relationships built on fun get hot and heavy without building any supports. Couples must have similar values to see their relationship through the ages. A couple I know right now faces a similar prospect. She is a Christian, He is not. In the Bible and Christian community, this is a no-no. For one, having such vastly different moral and value systems will cause them to disagree on a variety of issues too many to count right now. Secondly, the Bible warns about getting romantically involved with those who do not believe. This advice could be applied to any religion, philosophy, or belief system. Two people who do not believe the same way are incompatible. It will cause needless arguments as they constantly try to swing their partner to their side. This is the rule, not the exception, while there are very few exceptions to every rule. Building a relationship on two different foundations will render it destroyed, end the relationship if this value is drastically different from your partner.
So, as you can see, these five things provide a needed foundation and toolkit from which a couple can build a meaningful and positive relationship. Navigating relationships can be hard, but it does not have to be, because when you begin to put these things in place, you may not see immediate improvements, but you will see improvements - be patient! There are hundreds more, I am certain, that could be added. What are some I missed? Which ones do you like the most? Which could be useful? Try one, or two, and comment the results!
At Which of these do you excel?
© 2015 Jordan Travis