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What If I Had No Say?
Dear Lord, I am stuck
There are many situations that happen in life because we bring them upon our selves. However there are also situations that we just find our selves stuck within. Much like a wave crashing upon the shore we are being tossed and turned within the wave and cannot stop to get air or see which way is up. We feel our selves being tossed around but we cannot even attempt to call for help. Decision about our own life is being made for us not with us. It is as if you are watching from outside our own body and no matter how we scream, yell, beg, or plead there is nothing that can change the situation. Do you know the place I am talking about? Have you ever found yourself there? I assure you there is redemption at the end. At some point that wave of life is going to toss you up on to the shore and from there it is your decision what is done. Do you lay there like a jellyfish unable to move relying upon others, or do you rise from the storm like a flower who has just felt the first ray of sun after a long winter? The choice is yours.
Many people write about information that they “think” they know about. That is not my style. If I have not lived it I will not write about it. Lets take a look back at some situations that I have gone through. Although it is hard for me to write this down in words I am going to attempt to do so. If I can help one hurting soul with my experiences then sacrifice must be made on my part for healing to take place on theirs!
Looking back in life I find it amazing the things that humans grasp on to as if in the long run it will somehow matter. Keepsakes from childhood, old letters from boyfriends, clothing that will never again fit, or sometimes-painful memories that for some reason we cannot let go. But at some point the time comes to put to rest the painful situation and make the conscious chose of “I have been hurt but this situation does not define me. I shall rise stronger and learn from the situation.”
In January of 2011 my world spun out of control and the odd part was that I had no say in the situation! It was like a newborn child who had no say about being conceived. It is a decision that was made for them by the parents. Much like a newborn that was where I found myself. I did not have an option that my love was being thrown back in my face. The man that I had given all of my heart, love, time and, devotion too was done. He had chosen to give up on us and I was just informed or it was over! Crash! My wave had begun to spin without my knowledge and now I found myself on shore with a loud and hard crash. What now? That was the only question that ran through my head.
“Get up, keep going, press on, you can do it!” These are all the words that I needed to hear but rather I was told, “ you are better off without him, it was not meant to be, you have a child to take care of” and the list could go on. Talk about continuing to swirl within a wave. I have been informed the man I love does not love me and the words of encouragement I get contain I am better off without him. Forgive me but in our humanity we cannot understand or see that. We are hurting! However I did not stay there like a jellyfish. I chose to be the flower. As much as I would have liked to live in fear and run from any further relationships I knew that was not the answer.
I will help you MY child
The Bible teaches us that God "casts our sin as far and the East is from the West and remembers it no more." What a great gift but it was not the only one He gave to us. Within our humanity we only have the ability to forgive, not forget. We hold on to the memories allowing them to fester and grow within our hearts until the only thing prospering from inside are the thorns and thistles of hatred and sorrow. Now don’t lose joy I would not leave you in that situation nor would God. There is hope, a way out!
Our Heavenly Father knew ahead of time that this day would come. He understood that we would get ourselves into these situations and when the time came to present him with our offering we would have only hatred and sorrow. However thanks to grace and mercy God meets us where we are. He understands that we are not where we need to be but within this act of laying down our sorrow and hatred He sees the “pride” being turned over to Him. If the only thing that we have to turn over to Him is bitterness and sorrow He takes it joyfully. He however does not want our heart to fill up with the same weeds again so He places peace and love to fill that gap. When we make the choice to turn it over to God He meets us where we are and helps us along. He does not judge or condemn us instead He forgives us.
So without any more holding on I had to turn it over to God. I no longer could hate those who had done wronged me nor could I allow my heart to be a breeding ground for hatred. I chose to love and enjoy life. I chose to allow God to take the pain and hurt away and replace it with something much more beautiful and pleasant. Now it is your turn. Are you going to be that jellyfish and lay there and eventually die? Or are you going to note that you have been pushed down but you are going to find that ray of sun and once again you are going to stand tall? The choice is yours.
Bring me close to you.
I cannot promise you that the world will not again come crashing in on you. I will not attempt to know what you have been through or what you are going through. I can simply tell you I have been in the wave smashing against the shore and you can and will come out of it. Fore those that condemn you walk away. There are always going to be people that must put you down to make themselves feel better. However God knows that and when people do not see everything rest in the knowledge that God does. He tells us “Vengeance is mine saith the Lord” so let it be His. Be secure in your walk. God allows the trials to happen, to grow us, and ultimately to bring us closer to Him.