by Michele Adams
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10
I've been an overachiever my entire life.
I had very good grades in school. I was the "good child" (well, in my own mind) to my parents. I maxed out every test I took in the military. Having never fired a weapon, I picked up a rifle and became a marksman. I've always gotten any job I've applied for. I started two businesses from scratch. I am a good wife. I am a good mother. I am good at my current job.
Anything less than perfection, in what I do, causes me stress.
Today has been a stress day.
Tonight I'm reflecting on some things that have been building up for a while. I'm going to give them a night to grieve, and then I'm going to put them away.
I feel that I've lead a pretty good life, not perfect, but good enough.
Then cancer came, and stole that chance at being good enough for anything ever again.
Now I'm a sick, flawed cancer patient.
I know others won't admit to seeing me that way, but it is a fact.
I can't do any of the things I used to be able to do. I can't remember things as well as I used to. I can't lift. I don't have endurance. Heck I can't even lose weight-which SHOULD be easy for a cancer patient.
I just feel washed up and useless.
Yes I am alive. I'm grateful for that. However cancer has taken away a lot of my achievements. It has taken away a lot of my "earthly joy".
Don't get me wrong, it can NEVER take away my joy in the Lord. I CHOOSE to be joyous most days.
Today isn't one of those, however.
Today I'm taking a day to grieve over what was, and what could have been.
Tomorrow the sun will rise. Tomorrow God will give me the opportunity to make it a joyful day.
But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
© 2014 Michele Adams