What should you want from your life?
What Path am I to chose when i Don't know myself?
What do I want from my life, or what would you like to give of yourself to this life.
An old man once asked me what I wanted from life. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. I was still focusing on getting a girlfriend, or making a few hours of gaming between shifts at the local Dairy Queen. What did I want out of life? This became a question that began to haunt me. What was I supposed to want from life? Success, fame, careers, family, friends, oh and the usual money? What was important to me? Really by the time you get out of school you have not asked yourself this enough. You still haven’t tasted the real world. Nor are you worried about it. We sit there through the first Eighteen Years of our lives focusing on the Here and Now, and shortly thereafter we are expected to shift our focus on the future. “Look ahead” and “Forward Thinking” they would say to us.
Really at this point I wasn’t sure who I was, let alone what I should want to be in ‘five’ ‘ten’ ‘fifteen’ years from this point. Now I’m not just bashing school. I think education is an essential part of our lives. We need to learn to work together, and we need to be educated. Now I do have some issues with the ways we are all tested and judged in our education, but that’s a new argument for a different article. School was an excellent experience and I miss the place. As the question what did I want from my life began to haunt me as I approached graduation It drug me down. This single question made me doubt college. This question made me lose focus on education and work. I wasn’t sure who I was, and I wasn’t sure if I should be moving forward yet. I mean if I didn’t know what I wanted to do what business did I have being in college? Needless to say this lead to failing out of school my first two semesters of college.
It's like thinking you can control the weather.
To ask what we want from life is to insinuate that life owes us something, and it seems to imply we have some sort of control over our lives.
. Reality proves to be very different from this conception. Life has proved it can, and will react as it pleases. There will be ups and there will be downs. Though we cannot control our life God does. This revelation took me several years to come to terms with. I had lost my faith in all things shortly after the question of what I wanted from my life gripped me in fear. In order to come to terms with having no control over my life I slowly fell into alcoholism. My alcoholism lead to more negative choices, and slowly I began to fall further from my faith.
For years I struggled with my SELF. I was truly lost. I did not know what or who I was, and I believed there to be no worth in my life. I had lost control of everything, and I realized this most when I woke up in jail. This was my second time waking up in a Drunk Tank, but if was the first time I decided to change my perspective. I chose to lay in bed for a week. I chose to endure the cold sweats, and the headaches. I chose to be sober for the First time in over two years. This was the first lesson that taught me to unlearn the question “What do I want from my life”
From here I did not fully unlearn that question. I only somewhat began my change. Of course I was no longer an alcoholic, but I still had plenty of self-destructive things to change about my-self.
"I had lost my rock and my foundation, I felt it all Slipping away"
Number one remaining issue: don’t let someone fix you.
I had fallen into a relationship I felt honestly great about. I was happy, and I was changing. I had begun to create a healthy lifestyle. I started college, and I felt as though I was starting to learn what I wanted from this life. Here we go again. Soon I began to hit me limits on change. I found my comfortable position. I found a status that in my life I felt happy with. As my project to do a complete overhaul of my life came to an end, well let’s just say my significant others need for my overhaul kicked into overdrive.
There comes a point to which you know you need change, and during that change there comes a point you know you need to stop, and I had hit my point. This disagreed with my relationship, and the person who I believed held me up for so long walked away. It was rough, and it lasted a while. After a few years of having a solid foundation it all crumbled. At this point I was more dedicated to creating a better life, and though it hurt I refused to fall back down.
I knew that to make it through I needed a new outlook. I began to pray shortly after I began to see the end of my relationship approach. I asked god for his will to take place in my life. This was not only the turning point for my happiness, but also for my ever eluding question “What did I want from my life?”
Slowly my heart changed, and no longer was I concerned about “What I wanted from this life”. This changed to “What am going to give to this life?” You may say well this is completely different than the other question, and yes you’re right. This is a completely different outlook on life. When you look for a job do you really want to ask yourself “ What do I not mind to waste my time with every day and get paid?” or would you rather ask “ What can I give of myself today, and how can I do this well?” You still get paid, but you’re no longer drudging on.
Asking ourselves what we are willing to give of ourselves better addresses “What do we want”. What would you like to give of yourself to this life? We are allowed a finite number of years on this Earth, and we never know how many we will hold. So let us ask ourselves the question what I would like to give of myself to this life. How much determination are you willing to set forward? How much pain are you willing to endure? How much time are you willing to sacrifice? How much praise will you lift up? How much love will you give? Thinking in terms of what I would offer helps us better address the Journey of our lives. Focusing on giving ourselves daily, rather than focusing on the destination of what I want from this life.
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© 2014 Kentrallos