When You're Tired of Spinning Your Wheels.
We have had a string of winter storms this February. I've experienced the frustration more than once of sitting in the van going nowhere. The wheels are spinning but nothing is happening. It is such a pointless activity. Lately my spiritual life has felt a little bit like that. I'm thinking, pondering, questioning, wishing, desiring and planning, but there is nothing to show for it. I'm just spinning my wheels.
I want to grow in my faith so I listen to messages and ask people about books I could read.
I want to serve, so I look at what others are doing and I wish there was some big project for me to do too.
I want to love the Lord more so I wonder about Bible studies that might help me really get going.
Lots of wheel spinning, not a lot of forward momentum.
And I find that I am just tired. I'm tired of all this hoping and wondering and striving for growth. I'm tired of waiting to really get going.
Into this weariness has come a soft, familiar voice. Just a breath really. Just an idea that I know wasn't my own.
"Just Be" -- the idea lingers there, hanging in my mind.
"Just Be? What does that mean?"
But I know what it means, I'm just not very good at it.
I stop spinning my wheels and I sit still and examine this idea.
I've been thinking so hard about how to be a Christian and wondering what that really looks like and how to apply my Christian faith that I have completely missed the obvious. If I want to look like a Christian to those around me I just need to BE a Christian. It isn't about analysis, study, planning and contriving situations. It is just about BEING. When a smile is needed, smile, when a kind word is in order, speak it, when a helping hand is required, lend a hand. It's all about living what I believe.
If I want to love the Lord more, it isn't about reading and studying and philosophizing.
It's just loving more.
It's about quietly and consciously placing my affections on the Lord, not on the things that clamour for attention and devotion - empty things that steal my joy and take the place of the Lord in my life.
It Isn't Complicated
I've been making something complicated that really isn't meant to be complicated. I've been wanting to grow in my faith and do something for the Lord. I've been asking for a ministry of some sort or an opportunity to serve and His answer is this:
"Open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35
An Object Lesson
Today I got so much done. I won't even list all the things that I accomplished in my house today because it might make you jealous. I will however, share with you the secret to my success.
Today I did my work.
That is the secret to getting a lot done.
Just do your work.
I didn't talk about the work, I didn't research methods, I didn't sit around grumbling first, I didn't wish for different work or wait for someone else to come along and do this work for me. I just put on my rubber gloves, grabbed a rag and a bucket and wherever I saw work to do, I did it.
Down on my knees, scrubbing the floor it occurred to me that this is exactly what I am longing for in my walk with Christ. Day after day of just getting up and doing what needs to be done.
He says: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength [and] Love your neighbour as yourself. Mark 12:30, 31
Good. Let me do that.
Will I get side tracked and distracted sometimes? Yes.
Might I become confused and wonder how, when and what? Yes.
However, I don't have to continue in that way. I can be reminded to stay on task. I can move ahead choice by choice - living out my faith.
Moment by moment. Listening, watching, doing, just BEING a follower of Christ.