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When will you be ready?

Updated on December 13, 2015

Today, I fear death. I fear death because I may not see nor touch my love ones anymore once I’m gone. I fear death because I may not be able to do the things that I want to do. I fear death because I may not be given the chance to correct my mistakes. I fear death because I don’t want to die single; and yeah, I still want to have a boyfriend. I fear death because I don’t want to die now, not yet, I guess.

Anyway, the realization came to me when I was riding my way home. While sitting in a public utility vehicle, I was so tired that I closed my eyes to take a nap. So many things were running in my head that I was so busy visualizing my to-do-list when I get home. I tried to rest and relax myself a little bit to uplift my energy. A few moments later, when I stopped pondering on my worries in life, I tried to focus on the sounds around me. When I did, I heard lots of voices, some were happy, some were sad, some were weary; but what caught my attention was the sound of fear from the girl beside me who’s talking to a guy whom I think was her beau.

Then I focused my sense of hearing to that girl, in a low voice she said to her guy, “You know what babe, they gave me money and I thought it was for free. I didn’t expect that they’re going to ask something in return. They forced me to do it with a guy whom I do not know. I was so scared that they’d kill me at that time because I know what they can do.” seconds of silence, the girl continued. “ You know what babe, the guy f*u** me very hard. I was so scared I just cried. I tried to kick him. But there’s nothing I can do. I am no match to him.”

Incontrovertibly, the girl was really scared. Yet, there was no response from the guy, so I guess he just didn’t know how to react. Then, a few minutes later, I opened my eyes and tried my very best to look on the face of the girl without her knowing that I was examining her. Of course, I didn’t want to give her an idea that I heard what she said to her guy. Anyway, at that moment, I saw uneasiness in her eyes. Nevertheless, it was abrupt since her guy kissed her on her cheek, so the remorse on her face was replaced with contentment. With that, I closed my eyes again…

When my eyes were already closed, again I heard same kinds of voices. But my attention was caught by the happy sound of a family sitting in front of me. They were boasting some stuff they bought at the mall. They were mentioning shoe brands, clothing brands, food chains, etc. Maybe, they enjoyed their family bonding that much and was overwhelmed with what they’d purchased. Then, a little later, their conversation came up with a current incident that happened in their neighborhood. Wherein neighbor 1 was hacked with a bolo by neighbor 2. Tsk... scary. Thereafter, a guy threw a query, “When you see a person who just died in front of you, what will be the first thing that you will do?” A girl answered, “I will call the police.” the guy threw a question again, “Won’t you at least check the pulse first?” and I was surprised with the answer of the girl for her response was, ”Why would I do that when he’s already dead.”

That’s way too frank, yet too apathetic. I mean, when a person whom you know dies in front of you, the first thing you can do is to confirm if the person is really dead, right? But forthrightly speaking, I too, would be scared and would probably just call the police instead of checking the dead person’s pulse then let them do the work. I mean, what’s the use of checking the pulse if that person is dead? Dead bodies do not have a pulse, right? Conflicting…Conflicting… Reasons…Reasons… But, Yes! I am scared of dead bodies; much more if it’s bathed with blood. By no means would I touch it. For real I can’t, even for a consideration of a million dollars, would not.

I, again, closed my eyes.

Afterwards, I heard vehicles' chorus of “beep-beeps” and the annoying sound of engines, or whatever it’s called on the streets. I was somewhat disgruntled for I hate how Mr. Driver drives, I could feel my head spinning.

Suddenly, a grinding noise from the truck tires made me open my eyes. And a force from nowhere was like pushing me towards the girl beside me. Obviously, the driver brusquely stepped on the brakes. Tsk..I hate it when drivers do that. It’s very exasperating. As I turned to the window, I can see that the vehicle I’m riding almost rammed into another vehicle. Though there was no sense of fear in the air from the people around me (perhaps, they’re already used to such kind of occurrence), deep within my lonely heart augments fear. You know, I just bumped a car the other day and the clanging sound of metals was still fresh in my head. I was scared. It might be too shallow for a reason, but I was scared. I felt like I was going to die. Much more with the speed employed by the driver, it’s as if we were flying… I thought I was going to die. And, whenever I envisage how old the rusty public vehicle I was riding at that time, my worries about the dying thing proliferates even more. (hahaha).

Yes. Death scares me. Perhaps, it’s because I still want to do many things in my life. I don’t want to die without exploring the world. I am still molding myself to be the person I want to be. And, I am not yet the person that I envisioned myself to be, so I can’t die. Not yet.

But then, if death comes knocking into your door, there’s no way you can stop it. Death is inevitable. With that, I am frightened. Now, I can relate to the girl who’s sitting beside me. The fear on her face earlier seemed to have transferred to me at that time. I can picture the fear on her face the moment she was forced to do “that thing” with a guy she barely knew. And I felt it deep within me, too. Even more, the fear within me augmented when I thought of dying without anyone succoring for my demise. I mean, dying in a place wherein you are a stranger; I don’t think there would be someone who will care. Except for your family and friends, no one will care. You might become a headline on papers, but it’s just an ordinary news for others. Yet, they do not really care about your death. No one would truly and sincerely care.

Herewith, I declare that I don’t want to be uncared. I don’t want to be thrown out in oblivion. I don’t want to die. I fear death. Well, who doesn’t? Humans fear death. Unless, you’d already done your worldly tasks and the things you want to do in life will you accept death, right? On the other hand, will this be enough for you to be ready? Leastwise, When would be the time when you are brave enough to embrace death?

Now, to end this, I ask, actually I’ve been asking this question to myself many times. So, I also want to ask you, When will you be ready...?

I do not own this photo.
I do not own this photo. | Source

© 2015 Cherrey Joy Ycong

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    • Ceejay Ycong profile imageAUTHOR

      Cherrey Joy Ycong 

      3 years ago from Philippines

      Thank you for your comments, it means a lot to me. A million hugs :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      3 years ago from southern USA

      Hi Cherrey,

      To answer your question right off, I am ready now, for I have already looked death in the face a couple of times ...one with cancer. The sweet Lord healed me. So, I know I am still here for a reason. At this point in my life, I do not fear death.

      I do remember when my children were so very small, praying that I live to see them grown, for I could not stand the thought of them growing up without a mother. All children need their mother. However, I do understand not all are blessed in this life with a loving and caring mother. Even at that time though, I did not really fear death; I just did not like the thought of my children growing up with me. Now, I have grands, and they are certainly grand.

      You are a superb writer and observant to those around you, feeling their fear and all. That is a disturbing reality you have shared about the girl. Evil surely inhabits the hearts of men, and I am sadden the young girls and women do not feel safe enough to report such to the police ...maybe due to this is something that happens without regard to a humanbeing being harmed, but just to satisfy their own fleshly desires. Heinous indeed! They may think they have gotten away with such deeds, but they will surely pay a high cost.

      I am reminded of scripture about how love (the love of Christ) can truly overcome fear. I can say this because I know this and I fear not death, for I know this place is not my true home. It is important to cherish each moment in this life no matter what, for not one of us is guaranteed another day.

      "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." (1 John 4:18)

      Peace and hugs

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      3 years ago from Shelton

      wow u write hard and dreary.. maybe its ur style.. voted up

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      3 years ago

      I agree with you on FEAR being the culprit of embracing death wholeheartedly.

    • Ceejay Ycong profile imageAUTHOR

      Cherrey Joy Ycong 

      3 years ago from Philippines

      Thank you for your comments. :)

      Yes, not all will fulfill their dreams. Every man can dream big, but not all had the privilege to make it happen. There are many obstacles in achieving our dreams, and one of it is death. Once we're dead, there's no hope anymore, unless if we have an offspring, then yes, someone might fulfill our dreams and make it happen, but what if our child has dreams different from ours? what if we die without producing a child?

      Death is inevitable. But I've learned that death is not the end of life. We should just make use of our time on earth and let go of our worries in life.

      It is significant for us not just to work on our dreams in life, but also; to be happy at all times; and to release the poison called ‘fear’ in our bodies. Yes, fear capped it all. And once when we let go of our fears, the disease of being dreaded with death will be cured. And our fear of not achieving our dreams would go away…

      Then, we embrace death.

      Anyway, for now, so long as we’re breathing, it’s best to work on being a good example to others. Be an inspiration and good role model to everyone around us. So that when our time comes, our life will not end with our last breath. Our legacy will continue and our life would be more fruitful even after death.

      Again, I would like to thank you guys for sharing your insights on my hub. Thank you very much. I've learned a lot from you. Thank you :)

    • Phil Perez profile image

      Phil Perez 

      3 years ago

      No, fear is that which tell us to avoid causing harm to our MINDS.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 

      3 years ago from New Delhi , India

      My friend, neither taking birth is in our hands nor passing away. We have to concentrate on the moments passing before our eyes. Like all other emotions in our mind, fear is also one of them and it serves it's purpose. Fear is that which tells us to avoid causing harm to our bodies. So, we try our best to keep them safe.

      One of the great Indian saints, Raman Maharshi was badly gripped with the fear of death when he was just a boy. Those scary moments proved a boon to him as he got enlightened when those moments were over. He never feared death thereafter.

      Since you are young, it is natural for you to go through this kind of experience. With a passage of time, you will get to know the essence of everything, including life and death. There is something else that handles life and death, like a driver who drives a bus, and the rest are mere passengers, destined for a fixed journey. While you are riding this bus of life, enjoy pleasant scenes out the windows, enjoy the ride, enjoy the gossips and laughters of the co-passengers, and wonder at the invisible driver who drives this bus. We can experience life and express how it feels. I think, when we are able to grasp what life is all about, then only we can know the opposite of it. Friend, you have written an interesting hub about a taboo subject. This hub is really a very thought provoking one. You have written it so well, I wish you all happiness and success in life.

    • Phil Perez profile image

      Phil Perez 

      3 years ago

      Very interesting Hub.

      I'd like to say, that consciously, you fear death. You can control not to die as much as possible, but it will always happen. This Hub really intrigued me because I feel I can give you really meaningful insight to death. With what you're worrying about accomplishing or achieving during your life experience is flawed. I hate to break it to you, but not everyone fulfills their dreams. They have their own potentials and do so regardless of what they want.

      Once you're gone, you won't worry about anything, you won't worry about having a boyfriend. Death is natural. The only way you can escape death is by having children. Reproducing offspring is the surest chance of success to living (right now). Your children will succeed your dreams (hopefully). That's why we unconsciously have children...When your time comes to die, be confident you did your best to stay alive, and live up to your potential. Don't have any regrets because in the moment, what you did were your wishes. Obviously once you made those choices you wish you hadn't but that's the process of learning to try to stop making the choices you hadn't initially. Nobody is perfect, I'm still very young, too, but I can't dwell on death my whole life. I have confidence in my abilities to live my life no matter what comes across in between my date of birth and date of death. The biggest motivation to come intrinsically is being truly happy and not mistaking pleasure for happiness, ie: drugs, alcohol, sex etc.

      Don't worry about the obstacles in your way, find ways to overcome them and you'll see that is all you can do which is happiness in and of itself.

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