Who is God? My Experience
On two occasions I have felt the presence of God. One time was brief, the other time was an 8 hour ordeal. These experiences have shaped my idea of God and my religious beliefs.
I believe God gave us our conscience and is our moral guide. God showed me all of my faults. Why did I get so lucky that God would do this for me? I don't know. All I know is I was an atheist before, and now I am not.
There isn't a whole lot I can say about my experiences. Not that a lot didn't happen, but because it is hard to describe. I was in a different state of consciousness. Like nothing I've ever felt or experienced before or since.
The first time was brief. I was walking through my kitchen, and God spoke to me. I felt his presence. It was audible. That was it.
The second time was longer. It was a year later. i was researching bee mythology, when I was stung by a bee. This was a sign for me, and I knew something would happen that night. I feel that bee mythology is important, but I don't know why. Bees and beehives. Does it have to do with the Precession of the Equinoxes, and the beehive cluster in Cancer?
That night I finished reading St Teresa of Avila's book, the Interior Castle. This book is about St. Teresa's seven "mansions" which I believe are chakras. Or states of consciousness having to do with the chakras.
I went upstairs and laid down to meditate. I felt something was going to happen soon. And I was overcome by a new state of consciousness. I felt God's presence. This episode lasted for eight hours. I could see in my mind's eye the different colors of the chakras as they were becoming activated. Near the beginning of this experience, I had a kind of "life review" where I was shown all of my faults. This lasted for about an hour.
Then I experienced my own "Revelation". This is hard to describe, so I won't. It is a spiritual revelation and experience. The whole experience was very strange, and unexpected.
I remember the beginning of when everything started getting weird and changing back when I was a materialist and an atheist. The first thing that happened was I was watching a show on evolution about Darwin's finches. I suddenly realized that each finch was getting exactly what it needed. It had a survival need, and that need was provided. I suddenly knew that adaptation couldn't be an accident.
Then I started having trouble with my vision. It turned out I was getting cataracts in both eyes, and going blind. My doctors thought this was sudden, and unusual for my young age. At this time my left eye was now completely blind, which happened in about a month.I had no money and no insurance. I decided to try healing myself with meditation and visualization self-healing techniques I learned on the internet.
I started meditating for hours every day. I felt the urge to meditate all the time. I could see auras now. Not long after this, I had my first experience with God. This was after a "manic" episode where I was awake for three or four days.
I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder eventually. But am I really crazy? Or did these things really happen to me? Honestly I can't be sure either way.
I think there are other things that point to God, or at least a creator. Such as the geometry of the Sun, Earth and Moon system. Other things also, such as the irreducible complexity of some living systems. The fine-tuning of the constants in the universe. Is God also the creator? Maybe. I'm not sure. And the Universe has to fit into the picture somehow I'm not sure how everything fits together. I am sure I am missing things. I am certainly missing the big picture, and many pieces of the puzzle.
But how do I get more pieces? Sometimes they are hard to come by. I keep looking, but am not sure if my efforts are effective. I keep trying.