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Why I Believe, a Testimony

Updated on April 25, 2016

A controversial topic is a good start ?

My life started in a semi-christian home. My mom took me to church with her, read me bible stories at night and reminded me to say my prayers before I went to bed. My dad rarely went to church. I always thought he was not a christian. Later in life I realised that he was the more free thinking believer with loads more wisdom than I thought.

At 12 I began struggling with some very grown up problems that I never told anyone about. I felt like I was in a deep, dark pit with little chance of escaping. My only hope was that God can help me out. I had hope in abundance. Incidently, my name also means hope. That miracle didn't come.

I bacame an atheist. This was a long and painful process that lasted almost exactly 7 years. I am a hippy at heart and got into all sorts of alternative religious practices like meditation. My search eventually led me to satanism. After searching for free books online I accidently came across "The Satanic Bible" by Anton LeVey. Through this book I found that satanism was totally different from what I thought. Anton LeVeys satanism did not involve sacrificing animals or humans like people often believe. It uses strong energies like sexual energy and hatred to cast spells. I especially liked the chapters about social vampires. At the time I was struggling with people like this in my life. Social vampires are the people who suck your life energy like vampires sucking blood. This includes anything from charities to 'friends' who manipulate you. I also found the symbolism and rituals fascinating. Some of the information might be incorrect. I read the book in 2013. In total I have only done two satanic rituals, the last one was in April last year.

I can't believe that only a year later I am writing about my journey back into God's dream team. It happened in June or July 2015. After my friends birthday party (I was drunk), I found myself in a really dangerous situation. I wasn't sure what happened that night, due to the alcohol. This made me even more scared. All I remember was that a security guard found me walking in the street and I asked him to walk me home. I lied and said that I will pay him a hundred bucks if he got me home safely. I had the hundred note with me but I knew I was not really going to pay him. I needed the money! I was selfish and a liar. So I lied to and cheated my guardian angel that night.

I didn't like this person I've become. I realised that no one, not even myself, can change anything. I then opened my Bible for the first time in years. I was so surprised at how plainly and openly it spoke of the issues we still face today. I did not remember the Bible being like this. And so my mind was opened to the greatness of God.

There is a ton of things I'd still like to say. So feel free to ask questions if you want. I would especially like to know from atheists why they think religion is for naive people. Why they place so much trust in science. Why they think they cannot believe in things they can't see or prove through scientific experiment. If science is the only thing that's real then you will know that we cannot even see half of everything there is to see. You know what I'm talking about right? If you would like to start a debate please keep it light hearted. God didn't create a sense of humour for nothing. Also, this blog was way too serious.

Chow xxx


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    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 24 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very interesting story. I am glad you have found some peace.