Why I Think Jehovah's Witnesses Ignore the Scary Signs On My Door

I posted a sign on my front door that reads "Never Mind the Dog, Beware Of the Owner", complete with a spiffy photo of revolvers smoking from the fists of a happy gunslinger, which seems to work pretty well in staving off solicitors and other unwanted visitors; however, Jehovah's Witnesses, for whatever reason, appear to continually ignore it.

Regarding the possible reasons, I've developed a number of theories. This is what I get for being dumb enough for getting baptized as a member with them, for starters. They seem to read and distribute enough of their Kingdom literature in order for me to fairly determine that innate illiteracy on their part can't be the problem here.

I'm assuming that starting off by assuring them that they don't have to worry about the dog probably isn't the best strategy. Or that they just don't do signs very well. Or maybe they want me to put them out of their misery.

Actually, many of the ones I had been acquainted with know me well enough to know that I don't have any dogs or firearms or any other weapons in here...well, okay, maybe my arsenal of whoopee cushions and soda cans I shake as hard as possible before leaving around for somebody I have a vendetta against to find, or a kazoo I just learned to play In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry on. But my fellow JW's are aware that I know that sicking dogs on them or initiating lawsuits is something that I don't have either the time nor the inclination to carry out; I have invited them over and had Bible studies with them in the past, after all. The part I can't get past is that I am even in the habit of wearing T-shirts emblazoned with signs to try show others how inherently crazy and dangerous I am, and yet nothing I wear seems to work. Not even the ones that warn "CAUTION: Doesn't Play Well With Others," "Attacks When Threatened," "Go Away, Or I'll Bring My Bulldozer," "Hands Off, and Stop Calling Me Kitty Cat," "Do Worry, I'm Snappy," [Insert frowny emoji], "Don't Bother Me While I'm Fantasizing," [Insert my fave shot of Marlon Brando from Streetcar Named Desire]...and, hmmm. Well. Come to think of it, it is starting to make sense the reasons the majority of people don't seem to take me seriously.

In all reality, of course, I have attended enough Kingdom Hall meetings and participated in enough field service to know that this is in fact how JW's are brainwashed; they are trained to be obnoxiously pushy and demanding whenever possible. In my estimation, the ones who eventually convert are lonely and need their company.

I also know that just like the religionists who murdered Jesus, the J-Dub's believe they are doing God's work, so they likely surmise that if Jehovah God is backing them up, there is no reason to fear me. They are likely riding on the hope that if they bug me enough, I will eventually have a "change of heart" and return to them.

The Truth About The Truth

When I first became a Witness, I felt that the religion was like a double-edged sword. On one hand, I really did find that I was beginning to straighten my life out and improve as a person overall; to this day, in spite of everything, I even still feel that I enjoy the benefits of a unique relationship with Jehovah God and still find much of the literature insightful and instrumental in guiding me through life and many of my most harrowing problems.

On the other hand, I noticed a lot of shadiness and corruption occurring in my former Hall, which were later affirmed by personal testimonies by others who related to me that they have had similar experiences. Further, numerous news reports and documentaries, varying anywhere from members being rude, controlling, narcissistic, and downright bullyish, to elders actually molesting children and then other elders concealing their pedophilia while punishing and blaming their victims, have additionally validated my grievances.

I myself have had similar experiences, and I even had to almost recently threaten a few other JW's with the police, after their apparent attempts to turn my own child against me; indeed, shunning and creating divisions between families is another hurtful practice that they endorse.

I gather that my wishes to be placed on their "No Contact" list have not yet trickled down through the ranks, so out of pity and boredom I might occasionally let them spill their pitch about the benefits of my returning to them, which can't seem to extend beyond getting molested and treated poorly. Never mind for a second that I know I am going to get demolished in Armageddon for refusing to return to all their heinous abuse. I am certain they are conspiring to put me in a frumpy dress and high heels in exchange for all my beloved bikers' vests and cherished jeans that it took years for me to forge the right amount of holes and tears in, as punishment for their possible realization that I've been over here talking smack about them on Hubpages. Oh, well, self-identity, self-expression, self-esteem, sanity and comfortable clothing and I have had a pretty good run; and I already had an intriguing conversation with them in which I asked them about what offends them the most: A) Treating householders with Christ-like humility and respect, B) Genuine love and compassion for humankind in general, C) Protecting innocent children from sexual predators, and D) All of the above. Oh, and I already asked them where I will need to sign up for my next semester of CRAZY/101. P.S., even after all that, they still keep knocking.

Examples of Abusiveness by Jehovah's Witnesses

Suffice it to say that a rule I know through first-hand experience that Jehovah's Witnesses live by but either don't know they live by and deny they know it and lie, is that it's okay to treat anyone harshly, rudely, insultingly, and uncompassionately provided you tell yourself and everyone else you do it with love, and then it's not only okay, but required. Even if an elder who is proven guilty of molesting a child does get disfellowshipped, the elders never report his actions to the police, and then he is still at large, free to abuse as many children as he wants outside of the congregation. More recent news coverage indicates that the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York was ordered to pay $35 million to one of the organization's abuse survivors; one elder was induced to admit in a court testimony in Australia that even if an elder is ostracized, his crimes are kept secret within the congregation. In some cases, the guilty elder is reinstated, while the victim is told to just "get over it."

The cruelty I myself have witnessed and experienced in the religion haunts me as we speak, which is why I am happy to no longer be a part of it. The part I have had a difficult time comprehending is why Jehovah God could possibly tolerate the actions of men I am told He appointed for such responsible, powerful positions. Are JW's afraid that their reporting the antics of their assigned leaders will reflect back on them and make them look bad, or do they just don't care.

My first thought, of course, is Uh, because they are not in the business of exposing their transgressions, doofus. Doyyy. As many may know, the JW's claim to be God's appointed "church", or body. Any example of sexual abuse, indeed, any egregious conduct, shows that claim false and destroys their claimed authority, and so they are obligated at all costs to cover it up and pretend it away.

Clearly, if God were with them, He would not allow such miscreants into such positions. They do it, that is, cover it up and hide it and deny it to preserve their pretended claim to authority.

So common sense should tell me that God would never want me or anyone else to live among people who claim to know Him, but have nothing in common with Him.

There are those, of course, who will insist I am lying as if they were physically present as eyewitnesses to the abuse I received, while Jehovah ostensibly continued to sit back and passively allow JW's to succeed in treating legions of innocent members like dirt. This isn't new, of course. Job's three so-called friends proved to be his enemies. From what I understand of the Bible, Satan will use whatever means possible to create divisions and disunity in the congregation. It doesn't mean one can't be victorious, only that it is more of a reason that one must be diligent in doing what is right.

I guess it can also be chalked up to free will. It's that simple, really. The Bible also teaches that God gave humans the ability to decide whether they would love Him and follow His ways or follow their own. It is the answer to the question of why evil exists in the world.

Honestly, in the short time I had been with the Witnesses, I have seen many undergo untold pain for the sake of the religion's name. I learned the hard way that justice is not the priority.

The number one priority, above all else, is the organization's name, or "not bringing reproach upon Jehovah's name."

Maintaining the vision that Jehovah's organization is about justice is far more important than justice itself. Sustaining the illusion that the religion is filled with the happiest people on Earth is far more significant than actually living up to that. A horrific price is paid for this sham; intense suffering takes place, which has led to numerous JW suicides, so that the Watchtower can keep up appearances.

It's all in vain, though, as many on the outside, including myself, eventually see through this charade; but the Governing Body has refused to admit this, as any admission to a less than perfect picture of themselves would undermine their credibility, and their claim to be guided by Holy Spirit. JW's are expected to suffer if it advances Kingdom interests.

How To Stop Jehovah's Witnesses From Visiting

So, yeah, my religion is pretty jacked up. Any public complaining, questioning, or outcry will be suppressed by fellow Witnesses. Anything that can't be suppressed will be vilified and demonized as "apostate" in a "Poisoning the Well" fallacy.

I now believe that a corrupt-to-the-core church has produced more atheists than any force on Earth. For a time, I believe I unwittingly became one of their main sources of narcissistic supply, and it looks like my former JW-dub partners-in-crime are now ticked off that I am no longer available for that.

The following are a few tips that might help to keep JW's and other religious evangelizers at bay...mind you, though, these are only suggestions. I claim no liability on whether you decide to try them or not, these are only things that have worked for me.

So in fairness to JW's, they may ignore signs, but they have a reputation for respecting demands for your address to be removed from their visitation list. So if you simply tell them you're not interested and you don't want them visiting, that might be enough to get your name removed. Talking to them honestly will get you a whole lot further than threatening them with signs, like I do.

If none of this works, though, which I know it won't, bear in mind that JW's don't consider themselves to be the stealers of souls, so you might need to be a tad bit more aggressive and involve the authorities, whenever necessary. I am currently working on a sign that is a little less tongue-in-cheek than my last one, such as in the following example. Maybe this time they will see that I mean business:

"All Jehovah's Witness and other religious buffs, please go away and do not come back. If you happen to come across this sign by accident, thoroughly wipe down the area you touched or stepped on with Pine Sol and do not do it again. If you stumble across this sign a second time, I am going to make you shampoo my carpet this weekend. If you ignore all of my warnings, I am going to personally tie you to a chair and wave around pictures of my kids and brag to you about all of their accomplishments and force you to tell me about how cute they are until you die from boredom. It is a tried and true method that has worked with all of my victims, and I am not going to show you any mercy either. I will not care how much you scream and cry and beg me to stop. I have been widely known to spare no one this agony, so don't think you will be the exception. And if you think I am bluffing, knock on the door and let's bring it."

Okay, so I guess that should be enough to show these nincompoops who is boss around here. Feel free to use this sign or come up with your own variation if you think it might be effective; I am sure you might even come up with something better. Till then, whatever religion you choose, or don't choose, I hope you find your own way in life...and stay blessed.