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Why Sex and Sexuality are Not a Gray Area for Me

Updated on September 1, 2015

Why Sex and Sexuality are Not a Gray Area for Me

Why Sex and Sexuality is Not a Gray Area for Me

I’ve already written about why I decided to be a gay man. Now I want to write about sexual freedom from dogma from either or any side including the progay side. No one deserves to have their sexual development stunted, repressed, or oppressed. This even happens to heterosexuals who would not appreciate laws and movements telling them that they have to be chaste whether this is true or not because it’s only through experience combined with learning that we develop. While it’s easy to continue to have experiences and never learn anything new from them, a person on a spiritual path owes it to themselves to continue throughout life to self-transcend every state they currently find themselves in seeking for higher mastery of life. To this end I propose progressiveness in sexuality. Start where you are and end up where you need to be. Where you need to be will change throughout life I guarantee you that much. I have been abstinate, curious, bisexual, gay, exgay, bisexual again, strictly gay again, not giving a fuck, and now I want what’s best for my own spirituality, yet not to invalidate other’s life path. Yes life is a passage and for those in the West this passage is not forced or celebrated as in other cultures. I am currently at this stage of my sexual development advocating everyone to walk their own path of sexual expression, but to eventually awaken to the need for a spiritual approach. By spiritual I do not mean to follow a religion, but to follow the leanings of one’s own inner knowing. I recently recognize that all addictions are the enemy of spirituality. I must get all addictive behaviors under control. For me this does not mean abstinence, but it means taking responsibility to free myself from sexual slavery be it in my mind, body, or life. I have to start where I am. I know that everyone is walking to their own beat and I am not advocating that everyone follow me. On the contrary I advocate that everyone follow their own path. In time we will all meet in the same place so why should anyone be obsessed with someone else’s path and choices along the way? The underlying value here is not primarily sexual. It is the freedom to learn and grow at one’s own pace. Consequently we have people learning material things outpacing others in that area, but failing spiritually, and vice versa. The question I want to ask is how aware are you of your freedom to make choices, or is most of your life automated by nurturance. Have you even explored your own nature? Perhaps you did as much as you desire to…in that case I applaud you. But if you are a late bloomer like many of us, do not feel that you are further behind. We are writing a story of human development, and through our insights we advance the quality of life for those who don’t go through what we do. For those who don’t go through what we do, don’t judge us because there was a time no matter how short that you was us.

So where am I now? Does it matter to you? It shouldn’t. Just be happy that I am conscious minded enough to be at the guiding helm of my own development towards ever transcending self-mastery.

Having said that, knowing that some things are more of a compulsion than a natural drive, I seek to eliminate them from my behavior, and this goes far beyond just sexuality. It also involves my emotional life and the tendency to react to others out of vindictiveness or trying to teach them a lesson. I’m no longer concerned with other people’s place on their path, and right now there are people who do want you to mess up. Nevertheless that no longer concerns me. I will have no regard for their intent and if I correct them it will involve a full explanation of my goodness and their need to be the same, yet acknowledging that I am and they are different, so maybe 15 years from now they’ll be ready to get it. I am not proposing abstinence, but I will maintain an open mind towards all things questioning everything. And so I conclude by saying for anywho who wants to know - this was not about my sexual orientation. That remains the same and I’ll write more about that later. This was about sexually addictive behaviors. I don’t have any sexual addictions, but I do have to watch how much I use porn. I can’t let it take away from other activities and I don’t, but really, I need to look out for it to make sure it doesn’t degenerate into an addiction. It’s just not healthy to be addicted to porn when if you want sex that much you should put the effort into finding a partner which is of a lot more value. Is there really any such thing as a sex addict? Yes, .05% of sexual experiencers are addicts according to the bell curve, so the average person has nothing to be worried about. I’m not worried.

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