With a Little Help From My Friends
Black Steel in the hour of Chaos - Public Enemy
What would you do If I sang out of tune?
My rent is not paid yet. There are bills on the periphery of my mind, like fruit flies hanging around something sweet. My car is not running, and I think I need to sell it. I am in a financial crisis of my own making, and I have tried everything I can think of to get out of it.
"I got a letter from the government the other day. I opened and read it. it said they were suckas!"
The IRS is garnishing the bejesus out of me, taking my already punk-ass paycheck, and splintering it down to mere triviality. "How do they expect people to live on this?" The funny thing is, I started this.
I have been irresponsible in the past, and I now see that unwillingness to deal with certain issues is the very thing blocking me from the success I am craving, so I have been seeking to deal with these things. I turned myself in, before they came looking for me, basically. However, I did so, from the same mindset that had me hiding out in the first place.
So here I am, with bills, and obligations, and no way to meet them. I tried appealing, in different ways, to no avail. I borrowed money from a couple of friends, believing this situation would be swiftly remedied. it has not, and now I am farther in the hole. I tried selling my car, which was once very popular, but today, not a nibble. Most of my friends have no idea this is going on, because I was taught to be very careful to keep up appearances. I am still hiding!
Then I remembered a line from one of my favorite books. "There is no such thing as a problem, without a gift for you in its hands." This one thought changed everything. I started to make friends with my problem.
I asked it directly, "What are you trying to teach me? It said, "You can no longer depend on your for your money. Get creative!" I pondered this for a day or so. I wrote a piece about Love, and to my shock, it was pretty good, and my friends, and even people I don't know were telling me what a great writer I am. I was initially grateful for the positive feedback. But on this day, I had a revelation. Maybe I could write my way out of this situation.
It is funny, because when I was coaching, I would constantly tell my coachees that their life is their movie, They are the director, writer, producer, star, editor, DP, everything! God is the Executive Producer. You can change anything you want at anytime you want! Some character bugging you? Re-cast! Don't like the direction things are going? Re-write! So, for once, I took my own advice.
I started by revising my perceptions, and being honest and trusting with myself. I started to trust more of my friends with my "problem". I called my landlord and fessed up. She said, "Shit happens. Take your time. We like you living here.Thank you for telling me what is going on." My roommate and friends that I owe were equally supportive and chill about the whole thing. I was thinking the worst possible things, while they simply trust me.
A friend wanted to buy my car, and upon hearing of my problem, was even more intent on doing so. Alas, he was not in a position to give me that amount of cash at this time. We have been friends for many years, so we spoke about other things, and in the midst of a great conversation, he unknowingly gave me the answer to my "problem".
I started writing again, and my writing is at a whole new level than when left off. Yesterday, I received a check in the mail, for a recording session I did 2 years ago.
The entire issue is resolving itself, simply because I wrote it differently. It will all dissolve easily, gracefully, and leave me in a stronger, higher place than I could have gotten to on my own.
Isn't that what friends are for?