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You Can Have Godly Peace of Mind, Despite Marital Conflict

Updated on August 20, 2020
Elmaya Phillips profile image

Elmaya shares her thoughts, experiences and strategies on managing common life challenges, in line with her growing relationship with God.

Is Your Spouse Driving You Insane?

You’ll be Much Better Equipped...

... to start working towards a solution or a way forward out of marital or relationship conflict if you can regain, or reach, a calm and peaceful state of mind.

To help you stop tearing your hair out, this page will show you a variety of ways to seek and find God's serenity and peace in spite of the difficulties you're facing in your marriage.

Marital Strife & Tribulation

Cohabiting with your wife or husband day to day, year on year, no matter how wonderful you both are, it’s a given that differences of opinion, complications and conflicts will arise from time to time.

Most unfortunately it’s not only the important, big, life issues that can create deep conflict. Relatively small/simple but recurring matters - such as your spouse never or seldom making the bed even though they’re normally last out of it - can over time cause lasting resentment and bitterness in relationships. And when a more substantial or serious issue emerges, and gets topped up with one or two smaller/less significant issues, the resultant marriage strife can feel incredibly draining and overwhelming.

Striving for Godly peace of mind can be seen as a preventative measures to stop conflict escalating. As per the little foxes reference in Song of Solomon 2.15, be conscious that seemingly little, minor miscommunications and assumptions can mount and spiral to intense feelings of rejection, exasperation, desperation and/or even thoughts of escaping or terminating married life. But, praise God, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Turmoil versus Peace

Whether you’re at the end of your tether, feeling angry, frustrated, resentful, isolated, upset, distraught and/or weary over a significant concern, or are alternatively at the threshold of a potentially fractious time in your marriage, do bear in mind the seven recommendations below.

They'll help you calm yourself, self soothe, take stock, keep things in perspective and replace turmoil with that all important supernatural peace of mind which only comes from the Lord. And I suggest you execute a combination of these strategies on an ongoing basis to help you find and maintain a state of peace and serenity, come what may.

Seven Godly Ways to Increase Your Peace of Mind

It makes sense to have some "go to" biblical strategies to help stop you from being overwhelmed by inevitable marital discord and tribulations.

One - Elevate

When things just aren’t going right with your wife or husband, stress and worry can fill your mind to such an extent that you spend less and less time with God. It’s important to be self aware so that anxiety doesn't deplete or take over the time you would normally spend in relationship with God.

Whether it’s a long session done first thing in the morning or just before you retire at night, and/or a mini snatched spurt in the middle of a busy day,

  • singing your favourite worship songs,
  • reading your Bible and
  • saying thankful, faith-filled prayers,

is a trio of activities that can have you turn the corner away from runaway emotions like worry, fear, or anger.

Please make sure you don’t allow overthinking marital strife to distract you from singing along with the worship song in the video below, or your own choices of hymns.

Two - Give God Glory

Take time out to reflect on what's currently right in your life to get things in perspective, and get out your Gratitude Journal and read it, giving God honour, glory and praise for His blessings, power, grace and mercy. Give Him thanks as you remember and acknowledge that He has sustained you and answered many of your prayers in the past, knowing He will do so in the present and into the future.

If you don't already have a Gratitude Journal, I strongly suggest you get one and update it regularly - noting your thanks, prayers and prayers answered.

It's surprising how quickly we forget about and/or take for granted how God has blessed us and answered prayers, small and big, time after time over the years. Reading your gratitude journal at challenging times is an invaluable means to refreshing and encouraging yourself when life get hard.


Three - Petition

Hot on the heels of the previous point, pray, petition and thank God that your spouse be abundantly blessed in all ways and be a blessing to others. Pray for your partner to have peace of mind in the storms of marital strife and ask God to show you what changes you may need to make and concentrate on working on yourself accordingly.

And don't be overly tempted or concerned with telling God how you want your partner to change! Instead you can trust that, in His way and in His timing, God will guide your spouse according to His will.

Last but not least, it's great if you can pray with your spouse, as well as for your spouse.

Do you Pray with your Partner even when you're not on the Best of Terms

See results

Four - Jettison Judgment

Pray and thank God to help you replace judgment with understanding, empathy and forgiveness. Think through the current issue or past problems and how this point applies to your predicament.

It’s easy and natural to jump to conclusions without thinking things through thoroughly from your spouse’s standpoint, but giving your partner the benefit of the doubt certainly merits you consideration. So seek God to help you replace judgment with objectivity and an open mind.

Towards Clarity

When you can attain Godly peace of mind, either in the midst of marital strife or when on the brink of potential conflict with your spouse, it can pave the way for God’s clarity, wisdom, strength and perseverance to emerge and help you to press ahead positively in line with God's will.

Five - Appreciation

Bring to mind your spouse’s good points and give God thanks for them. Negative always/never thinking can overwhelm our thought life, not to mention our speech, when we’re in conflict with our spouse and it’s easy to discount or forget about their positive traits.

So, again to help you get things in perspective, take time to linger and dwell on their good points by forcing yourself to think of at least five good traits or deeds concerning your partner.

In fact why not put a reminder in your calendar and make a point of doing this on a regular basis, at least weekly if not daily! I did and it’s proved very enlightening and helps me not take my spouse for granted.

You might even reserve/designate a special space in your gratitude journal to note down the good times and joys, both big and small, you've shared with your partner. That way, you can go straight to that section to help you quickly gain perspective whenever you have a falling out.

Six - Spiritual Soothing

When marital conflict leaves you frustrated, angry, devastated and/or emotionally exhausted and you just don’t know what to do or pray anymore, it's time to let the Holy Spirit take the lead in your emotional healing.

  • Make a special effort to carve out some quiet time to be still, breathing in and out slowly and simply whispering "Jesus" and let the Holy Spirit within minister to your emotional needs.
  • You can also speak or sing prayers in tongues if you feel able and comfortable to do so - trusting the Holy Spirit to use words unknown to you, but known to God, to say exactly the prayers needed in your current situation.

Seven - Tone and Eyes

Obviously we need to steer well clear of resentful, anger filled utterances spoken through gritted teeth, but we need to do more than this.

Unknowingly we can default to speaking as if we are barely tolerant of our partner when marital strife takes hold, not to mention looking past our spouse as we speak rather than making eye contact. It takes effort to speak normally and pleasantly at such times and it's especially difficult when our spouse isn’t speaking well to us, or at all! But remember, as per 1 Thessalonians 5:15, two wrongs don't make a right - so do the right thing despite your spouse‘s lack of reciprocity.

Pray and thank God to help you speak well to your partner using a normal, upbeat, tone of voice, speaking pleasantly and keenly rather than unconsciously using a deflated, dead or monotone voice.

It's entirely worth making the effort - and keeping it up. The sooner someone starts speaking and behaving normally, rather than stagnating in conflict, apathy or loathing, the sooner disputes can abate and give way to caring, satisfying, solution based communication.

Moreover in the interests of reconciliation and overcoming adversity with goodness, and without overly smothering your partner, make it your goal to cover him or her with kindness - and this includes speaking pleasantly and enthusiastically.

In Romans 12.19-21 we are encouraged to help our enemies, so let’s not forget to afford the same to our nearest and dearest even when in the midst of a serious spat. A monotone voice and lack of eye contact between spouses often stems from un-forgiveness, resentment or wanting revenge. Being careful and kind to converse well and look to your spouse whilst talking will help steer you away from an unhealthy, oppressive atmosphere and towards positive normality.

Serenity Brightens Your Day

With Godly Peace of Mind

... you'll be more able to keep marital problems in perspective, increase your patience, let go of much of your anxiety and leave space for you to receive guidance and clarity from the Holy Spirit as to next steps.

Of course, remembering John 16.33, don't expect every challenge to disappear in a flash or for there to never again be marital spats or challenges in life. Ask God for wisdom as to when to simply drop and let go of issues, or if, how and when to further explore them, bearing in mind the nature, degree and frequency of the relationship conflicts.

Particularly in trying times, Godly peace of mind simply cannot be overrated. It's an extremely desirable and special gift from God and I hope you'll find using a combination of the above recommendations helps to save your sanity, and revitalises your emotional and mental state in the midst of relationships strife, and indeed other forms of strife.

All be blessed.

Trust God to Make A Way - "Way Maker"

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Elmaya Phillips


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