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Your Virgo - Arguing with Them - Be Delicate, But Determined!

Updated on September 6, 2012

Keeping Your Partner Through the Stress of Arguments

You have fallen in love with and are married, or are living together. A Virgo is a special kind of person. This is why I use the word “delicate”. I do not mean that they are “delicate”, as if you have to treat them like sensitive children, but rather that you can’t go stomping into the fray thinking that loud and angry will win the day. There are elements in the Virgo that pertain more to a pocket watch than a stopwatch.

The “determined” part of it is that their idealism and perfectionism can be off-putting and make you lose your steam.


In other words, the idea is not to utterly defeat your partner, reduce their esteem so that they surrender or score one for your vanity; or on the other hand you should not be utterly defeated, reduced to surrender or humiliated.

The point of these articles is to enter the fray knowing that this argument cannot be avoided and that you wish to successfully get through to the other side so that a resolution can be realized, a sense of value and esteem can be maintained and your feelings remain intact so that you can feel like you are not in an “undeclared emotional war”.

The Central Core of Your Virgo

That word that most closely resembles is “Virgin”. A real professional virgin is kind of hard to envision because there are not too many “professional virgins” around. I use humor to get you to focus on their contradictory qualities. In the beginning, as you first meet them, you will sense a bashful quality. They don’t push at you. As they greet you, notice the care and predictable “niceness” that seems to emanate from them; and then when they comment, they are not cute simpletons, they are rational and sound minded.

Right now, you are probably thinking: “The reason Virgo is so hard to confront is that they see themselves in quite a nice light”. They see themselves as VIRTUOUS to the Core.
But since Virgos are after all, just human, they use their innocence and virtue to manifest a severe and selective way. They are critical and pushy about it. It is as if they relish it.

So, they come from their “innocence” to a “candidness” that borders on just being mean. Why? They are still innocent when they are critical. There is something in the Virgo that says:

“Not only am I right, but I am inherently righteous, so you had better just sit there and listen. I am beyond reproach”.

One wife of a very fastidious, conscientious executive Virgo husband complained:

He is as sweet as can be when he is not “at me”, but when he starts in on me, I have to say, “I can’t make him be quiet, but the less I talk, the quicker he stops. He takes non responsiveness as acquiescence.”

Then I asked her, “So he doesn’t go into a rage or elevate his anger? “

“No”, she said, “It’s more like something he just has to get said. He goes on way too long for me, but I have found a way to get him to stop…I don’t battle him. I wait, if it’s important for me to make a point. After his Virginal mind is working on a model, or a fact sheet, or studying some technical data, I will get his attention and make my point. He listens without being in that self righteous state. But, being essentially kind, he understands what I have done and works the issue out.”

Can You Hurt a Virgo?

Will there be yelling? Sure there will be yelling, but don’t “fight dirty”. What I mean by that is that when some couples fight, they go for the low blow in order to hurt their partner or make them lose their sense of rectitude. Of course, if one is thinking properly “fighting dirty” and going for the low blow are things that we should never really do with those that you love, and love you. However --- Virgo’s being edgy but righteous can be very sensitive. Keep reminding yourself of the “Virginal” attitude.

If you lash the Virgo with a loud effrontery, it can go deep into their interior. You can “make them cry” inside. There is nothing worse than deeply hurting the one you love, the one you want to stay with, the one you are trying to develop a long term sense of continuity with.

Look at your Virgo and see a “childlike” soul. I am not saying, “Immature”. I am not saying “puerile and simple”. I am saying that the design and structure of a Virgo is to take their inner beauty and balance and sense of perfection and bring it to their world. Housekeeping, Nursing, Business, Systems, processes, accuracy of records, efficiency of effort, purity of intent, building in balance and rectitutde. They want; sincerely want others lives to be bettered by what they have to offer.

Yes, they can be picky and terribly sarcastic and almost vicious; but all that comes from their outrage that you can’t see with your eyes, what they plainly can see with their eyes. It is easy to see the issue. Unfortunately Virgos are not gifted with the ability to visualize the multi-factored world of variability and nuance. They are smart enough too, but their soul does not wish to go through the exhaustion of immense complexity. They would rather address the fixable thing or plan that lies right under our noses.

They love pointing to something and saying: “Ya see that? That’s wrong! You see that? That’s how that should be!”

The Virgo Tummy Ache

Virgo’s don’t like to deal with cosmic existential issues. They see the around, They see this earth in all of its beauty and know that it is a world that one can know better, understand more and comprehend to a greater degree. They like the physical. They don’t like the INEXPLICABLE.

When Virgos go to church, they go to church. If a Virgo cares about religion and spirituality, they don’t tend to get drunk at a bar and talk the “music of the spheres” with their fellow “spiritual friends”. I am not saying their aren’t Virgo “space cases”, but they have to have offsetting Moons and Rising Signs that would go toward that kind of spiritual experience.

Because of their love of nature and growing things and plants and animals and pets and children, they can go toward a “hippie” life style, but that life style is not so far afield from what used to be considered a good old fashioned life style. They can be content in these kinds of situations.

But, they deeply worry. You don’t go up to them and declare that they are deeply worried; it’s just that being down here…without an instruction booklet is deeply existentially unnerving. You see the Virgo would love, actually craves an instruction booklet for the whole ball of wax.

Every sign represents a very strong part of realizing the Divine. Every sign has its lacks, emptiness’s and blank spaces. All 12 represent an aspect of the Divine, and all twelve parts, when put together give a marvelous picture. Virgo’s Virginal quality endows it with certain special qualities, but it also comes up a little empty when it is compared with the deeper more complex and spiritual aspects.

Their tummy ache may be constant, or just the spot where their bad moods settle; or their tummy ache is just a metaphorical pain that sits at the center of them wishing they could understand more. Yes, you might say, don’t we all? Yes. But Virgo is at once unaware of this lack, while they are perhaps feeling its lack in a deeper way than others. This contradiction makes them feel profoundly uneasy at times, but the supposed answers that many seek do not satisfy the Virgo because they aren’t going to go after “crazy”, marginal, spooky, demonic, emotional, unstable or “out there” ideas.

No “Gushy Openness”, but Perfectly Themselves

So, you, as the loved one cannot blame yourself for their sometimes continual sense of disquietude. Love them as you are puzzled by them. For hopefully your Virgo partner loves you with all of your complexities. Most deep things about our loved ones and romantic partners cannot be solved or cured or fixed by virtue of “working on them together”; most things are to be worked on by the Soul Alone. This is true of the Virgo especially, for they are not given to gushy openness or emotional intimate honesty. Be happy with them like they are, for they are perfectly themselves.


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