GrowingDeeper, thank you for your honesty. Perhaps someday your struggle will be someone elses testimony. To see a person of strong faith struggle with worldly emotions, stumble over foolish pride, fall because of temptation..only to be lifted up even higher because of their faith. To see that gives me the faith that the Lord is alive, and He is working.
Submitting, where I recently came from, is a BIG No-No. Its taken as a sign of weakness. Being in the Texas Prison System you learn to believe in yourself, you are the only one who is going to be there for yourself...so trying to come to the Lord was a major struggle. I wont bore you with prison life, but I realized why I couldnt come to peace with so many things. The verse that saved my soul and brought me into the light was James 4:7- Submit yourself to the Lord, resist the devil and he will flee from you.
For me, I had to give in, I had to submit. I had to hit my knees and cry out "Lord, Heavenly Father, I cant do this on my own. I need you as my Lord and Savior. I submit myself to you Lord, and I pray you use me as a willing vessel to do your will."
And I havent looked back. The Lord has blessed me in ways I never thought possible.