Good question, banks......but rather difficult to answer. Through the years, with all the loss I have experienced, I have probably been all over the chart. In my younger days, when I was less apt to use emotional control.....I grieved deeply and visibly with my entire being feeling literally crushed.....and perhaps with no hope of ever healing.
But, as we mature and must face more loss, at least for me, I have developed a pattern in terms of the grieving process. My initial shock at learning of a loss, leads me usually to a serene withdrawal into sorrow.
When I am aware that others will need support and comfort, I am able to appear as a rock, while I do grieve in private. I don't think that what I do is unique, as there must be many others who have done the same...but I do make time to review my fond memories and muster up personal gratitude for having known and been a part of this loved one's life.....creating my own comfort zone, so to speak.......I do grieve for a very long time. This has proven to be best for me, in reassuring myself I honored the person we have lost, in a deserving manner.