What you do think of people who complain that they are in quite dire straits or

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   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   What you do think of people who complain that they are in quite dire straits or are struggling
   
   socioeconomically yet they continue to perform actions that keep them in such dire socioeconomic straits?  For example,people who make a small salary yet purchase houses that are beyond their abililty to pay and their house is foreclosed.Those who overspend themselves into debt /bankruptcy.Others who insanely and prolifically reproduce although they cannot provide for the children they already have.Something is amiss with such people.As the Southerners say, bless their hearts. New Yorkers say something else,they are DAMFs.
   
   

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   Billie Kelpinposted 11 years ago

   Whoa!!!  I think, "Yep, that could easily be me."  My mother was one of the most empathetic persons I've known.  Her sister drank, but she let Sadie iron our clothes when we had very little money ourselves. (Sadie lost her husband through brain cancer when she was in her 20s and her 4 year old daughter poked her eye out with a tinker toy when the daughter was four and Audrey wore a glass eye that never moved all of her life.)  My mother understood why Sadie drank and helped her out of her circumstance.  Our neighbors were immigrants from China, ran a Chinese laundry across the street, and had 6 children. Mary Lee was my best friend and my mother bought us the same exact presents at Christmas.  My cousin was a wheeler-dealer who ended up on the streets.  My mother never turned him away.  The people I've worked with in TRIOs Student Support Services for first generation, low income and special needs students were a close second to my mother. The teachers of the deaf and interpreters I've had the pleasure to know belonged to that group as well. These are the people I've spent my life with.  They have no judgment, they just work to make it better.  When you've been thrown down to the ground in life, it's easy to put yourself in another's shoes.  When you've made choices and directed your own destiny in a non-successful way, you can understand how others can do that. When you know you could have taken a job that would have gotten you out of your mess, but can't because of some terrible psychological block, you understand. Nothing we have is from ourselves. If we have drive, we're blessed.  If we have good judgment, we're blessed.  All of the things that we THINK we might have that make us avoid unwise choices we see in other people, are not because we're stronger or smarter or better.  It's because somehow the universe or luck, or whoever or whatever you believe in has put us along that path and blessed us with the ability to make good choices.  So, no I don't think "bless their hearts," or call them DAMF (which I had to look up).  I just know that I could very well have made those decisions and in a heartbeat, that could be me.

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, there are extentuating circumstances; however, for many people, they refuse to simply assess the situation and to take personal accountability and responsibility for their actions.They are quick to blame outside circumstances,never themselves.

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   Express10posted 11 years ago

   Unfortunately, common sense is increasingly uncommon and too many people stick with people and things that are familiar to them. It doesn't matter if it's bad for them or simply not meeting their needs. Some people live only for the very short term and don't care to plan because they weren't taught to do so. For those who can/do plan, they may have obstacles like a lack of money, connections, education, experience, etc. Quite often there are internal and external forces at work that keep people from moving forward...if they WANT to.
   
   Often it is by personal choice. The best example is a family that constantly chooses the worst possible things for themselves and only live for today. Then you have people that enable others to live their lives in detrimental ways and enablers that are used and abused but continue to enable anyway. There are many easy choices and many difficult choices in life. Many consequences are quite clear. The ones who constantly make bad choices have not taken the time to think things through, may have low self esteem, may be living just for today, etc. There are lots of silly excuses for constantly being in bad situations, but if it's constant the reason can easily be seen in the mirror!
   
   The personal choices that people make are just that. It is irritating when these types complain about their lives and it's confusing to see as well. At some point I want to think that people grow up and attempt to expand themselves and their options, yet there really are people in this world that only know rudimentary things and they simply don't want to know anything else. Others simply hate learning whether through books or experience.

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Rxcellent answer as usual.  There are many people who complain aimlessly about their situation. It nonplusses me how they complain yet continue to do the same inane thing that put them in that situation.What happened to the concept of responsibility?

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      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Many people have an I can do what I want attitude, regardless of how it affects others or themselves, God help them if they have children because they usually walk the same path. Others think of today and not tomorrow, regret it, but still repeat.

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   lisasuniquevoiceposted 11 years ago

   
   
   gmwilliams,
   
   I think these people are calling out for help in the best way they know how. You can't look down on them because you yourself may be just a few hours away from the plight they suffer. How would you feel. Think about it. Put yourself in another's place for once and see just how it is. Maybe then you won't be so judgemental.
   See things from another perspective,
   Lisa

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Lisa, well said.  This is true no matter how well off you may think another is. People make mistakes - big mistakes. I know I have, my child has, we all have.  Sometimes we're just plain lucky that our mistakes didn't coincide with disaster.

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There is such a thing as being responsible.Responsible people THINK before they do something.There is a cause and effect for each action.If a person continues to do something that is negative, something is amiss with him/her.

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   Lady Guinevereposted 11 years ago

   Hold on, if this is about buying a house that is beyond you finances.....it isn't just those who are buying the house.  Realtors and Banks will tell you what you can afford by some numbers they crunch.  Then there are others that could afford the house and then life got in the way and they lost their job, was downsized or what=have=you.  Life isn't straight forward or we would all be living our dreams.  That don't happen very much today.
   Now if you are talking about just complaining about their circumstances, in which some do NOT have any control over, then that is a good thing.  Why???  Because it allows one to get it off their chest or mind and also gives others a chance to input new information or a new solution that was not thought of before.  We all need each other for thins purpose.  Some people may realize the situation they are in but don't know how to go about getting out of it.  Sometimes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.  Evetually it does sink in though.  I call it planting of seeds.  It may not happen right now or when you thik it should but it will eventually.

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      Janelle Coultonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know about that; I know some people who I don't think will ever change and will go from one disaster to the next and never take responsibility for their actions. Realising their mistake won't happen because they blame everyone else.

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      Lady Guinevereposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes the religions teach that to take everything to God and he will fix it.  Satan also gets blamed a lot.

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      J. EXACTLY. And what about people who SOLD their houses at such an inflated rate?  Were they not complicit? My realtor said we should put up for $70,000 MORE than I thought right.  I followed what she suggested, wondering if it was right.  It wasn't.

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