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Church of Chortle

Updated on January 3, 2013

Welcome to the Church of Chortle

The Church of Chortle is dedicated to the worship of wit, whimsy and wonk.

Anyone amused at the thought of sharing a pew with a Goddess of Giggles and the Guru of Grin-And-Bear-It is most welcome to join in the fun and frivolity. And, in the spirit of sacred snickering and holy smoke hilarilty, we also offer humorous hymns for chuckle-challenged grown-ups and mirthful meditations for miscellaneous merry-impaired munchkins.

If you think that God has a sense of humor, then you will really appreciate the best place in the world to observe it -- St. Louis du Ha! Ha! (in the province of Quebec, Canada)!

THE TROUBLE WITH ATHEISM IS, THERE'S NO HOLIDAYS! (Image Credit: Yasenzz@flickr.com)

THE TROUBLE WITH ATHEISM IS, THERE'S NO HOLIDAYS! (Image Credit: Yasenzz@flickr.com)
THE TROUBLE WITH ATHEISM IS, THERE'S NO HOLIDAYS! (Image Credit: Yasenzz@flickr.com)

WIT AND WISDOM FROM THE BIG BOOK

"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people." -- G.K. Chesterton, 20th century British author.

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(Image Credit: jkdigitalservices@flickr.com)

Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us we're put in a loony bin?

"I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is."

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-- Charles Lamb --

WORSHIPPERS WANTED & THOSE WILLING TO ANSWER THE BIG QUESTION

Does God have a sense of humor?

See results

"If only God would give me some clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss Bank."

-- Woody Allen, American actor and comedian --

PLEASE GOD, LET THERE BE LOTS OF SUNSHINE TO MELT AWAY ALL THE SNOW.

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

-- Mark Twain --

BELLY-LAUGHING IS HEALTHY FOR THE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT! - Life Lesson #1: Levity always defies gravity!

If you can't rub a Buddha's belly, at least give your silly synapses a daily dose of drollery.

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." -- Ellen DeGeneres

THE MIRTHFUL MEANING OF LIFE

SUNDAY SNICKER:

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Image Credit: Garfield cartoon courtesy of kasia rogowska@flickr.com

If you're an atheist and swear on the Bible, have you committed perjury?

For those who give a sweet tweet about life!

For those who give a sweet tweet about life!
For those who give a sweet tweet about life!

THE ULTIMATE ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE & EVERYTHING

Next time you run into a sees-all-knows-all...!

When life gives you lemons, it's not the time to wonder what to do with a bowl full of cherries. Leave that to philosophers and government policy analysts.

After all, when in the company of lemons, (those with a jaundiced look on their face with a bitter disposition), it's probably best to admire the juice.

So, ask the fruity one what is the "Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything" in twenty-five words or less.

If the lemon has some difficulty coming up with a short, sweet and scintillating answer just smile, bless this fruit that dropped from the tree of knowledge, and walk on.

LIFE LESSON 42: "If you want the juice on how to live a happy life, don't squeeze a sourpuss".

And if you need to flaunt your funny bone, why not pontificate from a public pew in the The Church of 80% Sincerity in Victoria, B.C.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

____________

Douglas Adams, from "Mostly Harmless"

THE CHURCH OF CHEEKY CHERUBS - Always speaks the naked truth!

Political satirist Bill Maher is in great form in this devilishly divine documentary look at what can happen when religious dogma overwhelms rational thought. Those who have faith in their funnybones will appreciate this gem, although they should exercise caution so as to avoid splitting their sides laughing when viewing "Religulous"!

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche, 19th century German philosopher --

THE TAO OF COW

Or how to makes friends with cowboys and cow pies.

So what can a cow teach me life and the pursuit of happiness?

Cows are not all black and white, like life. So appreciate the "how now brown cows" that show up at your doorstep unannounced. Smile, after all it could have been a frigging flying pig!

Some chew their cud quietly while others are more like sitting bulls in a china shop. Bless them both, 'cause they're all God's critters. And just consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to explain to your family, friends, and buddies at work why you have a pink elephant sitting in your living room!

Unless you want to look "udderly" ridiculous, it's probably not a good idea to try and milk a sacred cow for all it's worth. And whatever you do, don't push veggies in a barnyard full of blessed beef. In fact, avoid the Holy Cow lobby, or you could be in deep doo for the rest of your life and into the next one!

When life gets you down, you can always add an egg yolk, cinnamon and nutmeg plus a shot of rum to the milk of human kindness. And don't forget to invite your cowboy colleagues over to share in some good cheer, 'cause that's what the "Tao of Cow" is all about!

LIFE LESSON 37.52: "Deja Moo" - the feeling one gets after having heard an inordinate amount of bull for one day.

OUR CHURCH OF CHINWAGS & CHUCKLES

Ticklish Taglines Wanted for Temple of Titillation

Below is a selection of the best tacky taglines received by "Our Church of Chinwags & Chuckles" to promote its new "Temple of Titillation".

WARNING: Tacky taglines may cause harmful side-effects such shrieking, smirking or snorting, thus undermining the health and well-being of bashful born-again bible-thumpers. If this is the case, weak-willed worshippers are advised to avoid participating in either the bi-weekly "Chortle Church Challenge" or the monthly "Marathon of Mirth".

Honk if you're flawed...You're in the running for the Devil's Advocate Award!"

God loves skinny dippers; that's why you were born in a birthday suit!

I've been to Graceland and the Wasteland, so what are you offering?

Do I look like a "Ring My Chimes" sorta guy to you?

Me ...Take The Road Less Travelled ...you gotta be kidding!

We've got the babes and boogie boards, whad'ya mean St. Peter can't find the Pearly Gates Beach Resort!

To download "Jesus Loves Me" ring tones, you'll need a cell phone ma'am.

You want me to follow that Yellow Brick Road?

Before I take this heavenly journey, does it come with a scenic route and free snacks?

You mean there's a posted speed limit on the Highway to Heaven?

I'm not going up that creek without a paddle and a prayer thank you!

Watch your step, sacred cow crossing ahead!

I'd like to sign up for that "Walk on Water Course".

Voice-mail message: "You have reached Cloud Nine, please leave your name and number and we'll return your call when spirit moves us!"

If God doesn't fish, play golf, or shoot pool, exactly what does he do on his day off?

Okay, if God can mend a broken heart, why can't he share the weekly winning lottery number with me?

Trust me ... My Karma can run over your Dogma in five seconds flat!

If God doesn't drink, gamble, or lapdance, how come visitors to Vegas always say, "God only knows what got into me"?

Going around in never-ending circles is not my idea of eternal serenity!

Stay tuned for the next episode of "Parting the Red Sea the Easy Way!"

"Immaculate Conception" -- truly a spotless match made-in-heaven!

So next time you're wondering what to do while waiting in line at the supermarket, perhaps you can come up with some snappy one-liners for "Our Church of Chinwags & Chuckles", the more the merrier!

The Lord's words about lipstick...

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

WIT & WHEE FOR FREE

Overheard in the back pew:

My husband and I dovorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. G.K. Chesterton (20th century English writer).

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Image Credit: Ian Marsden cartoons@flickr.com

THE GIGGLE GUIDE TO SPIRITUAL SERVICES

Excerpts from Susan Riley's The West Coast Hotel Guide to Religious and Spiritual Services in British Columbia - The Lampoon.

ANGLICAN - St. Agnes-Didn't-Do-It (In the Fields)

High mass at 11 a.m., Sunday; 7:30 p.m., evensong in adjacent fieldstone chapel. Pet baptisms and blessings by arrangement. Temporary golf club memberships at Royal Shaughnessy for visitors. (Reverend David Leaning-Grimley)

EASTERN - Institute for Applied Zen

Become a crack Nissan sales rep through diligent application of ancient Zen principles. Chanting at 5 a.m. hourly. Purification ritual at 8 p.m., lights out at 9 p.m. For all visitors, soup and sushi. (Master Miso Shuri)

EVANGELICAL - Zip-e-dee-do-dah Gospel Hall

Join the fun, speak in tongues, every Wednesday 8 p.m. On Sundays, the nuclear service: all (normal, God-fearing, middle-class, heterosexual families) welcome. Dress code in effect. (Pastor Ernest B. Klein)

MAMAISM - Church of the Risen Goddess

Monthly services. Loving, open healing for all wymmin and girls. Menstration circles, fertility rites, and spiritual midwifery. Childcare in church basement provided by male support group. No black capes and pointy hats upstairs. (Sister Krista Robinsdaughter)

ROMAN CATHOLIC - Eglise des Petites Servants de Dieu Perdu (Followers of the Lost God Church)

Benediction, Sundays 3 p.m. English as a second language, 5 p.m. Self-defence, 8 p.m. (Father Pierre Lapierre)

VEGETARIANISM - World Whole Grain Assembly (formerly Our Lady of Perpetual Kelp)

Searching for the kernel midst the chaff. Fasting, purging and fire worship on Tuesdays. (Food Guide: Marth, R.N.)

GLORY BE TO GOD WHO GAVE US SHINS ...SO WE CAN FIND THINGS IN THE DARK!

THE MINISTRY OF CASUAL LIVING

The Ministry of Casual Living, (celebrating it's fifth anniversary in 2007), prides itself on being accessible to accidental tourists, little lost souls, not to mention those who run away from the circus because they're afraid of clowns.

Not your typical tabernacle of tee-hee, the Ministry offers a wide range of ripsnorting rituals to keep casual living consumers satisfied. These include touching toes ten times before breakfast, tip toeing through the tulips before noon, and trouncing an amusing assortment of tongue-lashing trolls with a Wonder-Wand before bedtime.

The spunky store-front space is ideal for showcasing a selection of their arcane activities which include why blowing bubble-gum is a healthy alternative for creative lifestyle loafers, tips on how to kiss the Blarney Stone for best results, and where to find the 65th crayon in a blinking box of only 64.

So next time you're in the capital of Flakes, Fruitcakes and Nuts (Victoria, British Columbia, Canada), do drop by to take a peek at the curious curatorial exhibits in the windows at 1442 Haultain.

And while you're there taking in the all manner of enigmatic and sometimes provocative public art, you might want to pray for the continued support that it receives from obscure, odd, and sometimes off-the-wall people who travel there on bus, bike or foot just to see the latest works by professional painters and nifty 'non' artists.

Hello God ... Are You There? ...

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Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon - lastlemon.com/4727a

BOISTEROUS BLASPHEMIES FOR BORES

There's nothing worse in a world filled with celebrities, sports heroes, and general all round smashing somebodies to be known as a "bore".

The only thing that could be worse is being given the title, "Chairman of the Bored".

Fortunately there is a time-honored technique to overcome this tedious if not tiresome tribulation.

The answer: egregious use of expletives. In plain English, it means the conspicuous and creative use of curse words, (all designed to transform mirthless mavens and monotonous monsieurs into the life of any office party).

For timid types not wishing to be caught dead using the "f" word in polite company, there's an endless list of fictional expletives waiting to serve your every need.

So spice up your next vapid conversation with a bit of nice juicy jargon.

-- "I believe the boss ordered floppy disks not 'Crabby Dicks'!"

-- "He has a few cracks in the Orb which probably accounts for the fact that he was promoted so quickly to "Chief Cakesniffer".

-- "Holy Zarquon I new this was going to be different, but 'they' must have known what 'they' were getting when 'they' hired that nimnul nerfherder didn't they?"

-- "What the photon happened when I was gone?"

-- "Oh Puckeruts,why did I count on you to lead us out of temptation anyway."

-- "That scuzzpuck son of a biscuit had the nerve to put my pet project on ice!"

-- "Look, the wonker couldn't fit a widget into a Wankel Rotary Engine if he tried!"

-- "If you're such a smarty-pants, what's the difference between a spongehead and a spoonhead?"

-- "Oh my stars and garters, will you look at what the suckmuppet's wearing on Casual Friday; it's enough to make anyone go zoinks!"

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For more colorful additions to conversation, please see the lovely list of little words and phrases above in the link list marked boisterous blasphemies,

The Devil made me do it!

What would the world of wit and worship be without the antics of Flip Wilson!

"I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with." -- O'Rourke, P.J. (1989), Holidays in Hell

EXCUSES WHY YOU CAN'T COME TO CHURCH

From time to time, the Church of Chortle recognizes that smile-challenged souls often find it difficult to attend a giggle-gathering.

Believe me, we've heard all the excuses in the book as to why playful parishioners feel the need to skip their weekly visit to our spiritual snickering site.

The Guru of Guffaw told me that I could take the day off, so there!

If God locked himself in the bathroom it's not my fault; besides, how come the Lord of the Loo won't let him out instead of asking me to pay for his mistakes?

I've had my fill of miracles for one week, so please take your burning bush somewhere else!

Three Wise Guys showed up at my front door last night looking for a dog in a manger. You'd think they'd come up with a better story than that to make me part with my mutt named "Hannibal".

If Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat, tell me again why should I put my money in your white rabbit's hat when I don't even believe in Bugs Bunny?

Look I'm tired of all those "thou shalt nots"...when can we bend the rules and have some fun for a change with a few "thou shalts"!

If you think I'm going to give up a day of heavy-duty shopping and walking my hound, you're very much mistaken!

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Now for some more entertaining excuses, plesae take a peek at the link above marked EGADS MORE EXCUSES.

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

Of course I believe in lay-leadership! Why don't you lead the way and be the first to lay down and shut-up!!

PRAYERS FOR PRANKSTERS

PITTY POT PRAYERS FOR PONTIUS PILOTS & PRANKSTERS

THE SERENITY SHAFT:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I cannot accept,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to obliterate today because they got on my nerves.

PS: Help me to be careful of the toes that I step on today, as they may be connected to the feet that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

WITLESS WORDS OF WONDER:

Help me to give 100% at work this week:

-- 12% on Monday

-- 23% on Tuesday

-- 40% on Wednesday

-- 20% on Thursday

and 5% on Casual Friday.

MUSCLE MAGIC PRAYER:

And help me to remember when I am having a bad day,

And it seems that people are trying to wind me up:

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile,

And only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!

And if none of these work, pick up a copy of Offbeat Prayers for the Modern Mystic, (see the oddball book collection below for more details).

A LIGHT-HEARTED LITURGICAL LOOPHOLE...

Why did God give men nipples?

FUNNY PHOBIAS FOR THE FAITH-MINDED

Whether one believes in Tooth Fairy, Frosty the Snowman or Father Christmas, when push comes to shove, everyone may have a fear or two they would just as soon keep under wraps.

We are deeply indebted to an erstwhile team of mental health practitioners, witch doctors and secular sorcerists who have worked diligently to compile a short list of the most flagrant phobias that might pose problems for bible-thumpers and liturgy-lovers.

geliophobia - a fear of laughter (which usually arises since they are often missing critical body parts such as funnybones)

hagiophobia - a fear of saints or holy things (such the Saint of Missing Socks, Holy Smoke, and sacred cows)

hierophobia - a fear of prists (especially defrocked dudes)

homilophobia - a fear of sermons (usually involving the proverbial protaganists known as the Fickle Finger of Fate, God's Right Hand Man, or Mighty Moses & Friends)

kosmophobia - a fear of the cosmos or cosmic phenomena (such as shooting stars, Superman, or Spiderwoman...and why not!)

Papaphobia - a fear of the Pope (especially those who like humping in the holyfuds without subscribing to the papal notion of Immaculate Conception)

pneumatophobia - fear of spirits (especially the wicked ones emanating from fermented barley, grapes, and sugar cane)

Satanophobia - fear of Satan (who lurks about in frying pans, hot-tubs, and toasters not to mention in orgasmic chili peppers!)

scerlerophobia - fear of evil and evil-doers (especially aliens from outer space, bubble-gum chewers, and naughty ladies from Shady Lane)

staurophobia - fear of crosses or the crucifix (no doubt a past-life regressions due to far too many campfire sing-songs and nail-finishing parties)

stygiophobia - fear of hell (also known as wicked warm spots with far too many titillating temptations)

uranophobia - fear of heaven (where far too many angelic cream-cheese lovers and flying nuns hang out)

Spirits, Fairies, Leprechauns, and Goblins: An Encyclopedia
Spirits, Fairies, Leprechauns, and Goblins: An Encyclopedia

The authority on the vanishing vertically-challenged.

 
Goblins! A Survival Guide and Fiasco in Four Parts
Goblins! A Survival Guide and Fiasco in Four Parts

How to figure out if you've got goblins and what to do about them.

 

Advice from the Pulpit: Vicar of Saint-Loony-Up-The-Cream-Bun-In-Jam

CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS

Just when you think you've seen them all. Good heavens you mean there are more giggling gaffes, belly-laughing boo-boos or just plain tantalizing typos?

"The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon for tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'."

"The peace-making meeting scheduled today has been cancelled due to a conflict."

"For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th. So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays."

"A baked-bean supper will be held in the church hall on Tuesday evening. Music will follow."

"Pot-luck supper Sunday evening at 5:00 pm prayer and medication to follow."

"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies in the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday."

"Low-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 pm. Please use the back door."

"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakspeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

Vicar of Dibley - Dawn French and Friends

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

AND NOW A FEW WORDS FROM THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE

Ambrose Bierce, (1842-1914), an American editorialist, journalist, short-story writer and satirist has a few words to add on behalf of faithful funnyboners.

A sample of dandy ditties from his delightful dictionary about a dude known as "the devil".

Abstainer: n. a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Absurdity: n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Bacchus: n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Bigot: n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion you do not entertain.

Destiny: n. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

Faith: n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Happiness: n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Heaven: n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

Patience: n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Pray: v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Regret: n. The sediment in the cup of life.

Religion: n. A goodly tree, in which all the ful birds of the air have made their nests.

Repentance: n. A sentiment which rarely troubles people until they begin to suffer.

Un-American: adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Universalist: n. One who foregoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

And last but not least, Mr. Bierce offers a bit of wit and wisdom on world affairs: War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Image Credit: bcanada92@flickr.com

THE TEMPLE OF TOMES & TITILLATION - Where Wags Worship Naturally.

The Temple of Tomes & Titillatation offers an oddball collection of curiousities to tickle your featherbrain or funnybone.

Forbidden Fruit Creates Many Jams
Forbidden Fruit Creates Many Jams

Miraculous Messages from a Munchkin!

 
Silent Words Loudly Spoken: Church Sign Sayings
Silent Words Loudly Spoken: Church Sign Sayings

Better than carrying a big stick and a long carrot!

 
The Laughing Buddha Box
The Laughing Buddha Box

Belly-laughing made easy!

 

NEW ADDITIONS TO THE BOISTEROUS BELIEVER BOOKSHELF

When your spirits are sagging, fear not...just pick-up where these books left off!

  1. Brotherhood: Being a Presentation of the Principles of Odd Fellowship by Thomas G. Beharrell
  2. How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign by Adele Lang
  3. The Odd Spot of Bother by Barry Crump & John Crawley
  4. Getting a church started in the face of insurmountable odds with limited resources in unlikely circumstances: How to establish a church based on a study of ten new congregations (unknown binding) by Elmer L. Towns
  5. New Wine in Old Wineskins: Evangelicals and Liberals in a Small-Town Church by R. Stephen Warner
  6. Odd Man Out: Observations from the Periphery of Society by Daniel R. Alverez
  7. Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
  8. Thank God For a Funny Face by Hugh Lloyd-Jones
  9. God Is A Woman: Dating Disters by Ian Coburn
  10. Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
  11. Wrinkles are God's Makeup: How Can You Find Meaning In Your Evolving Face by Rose Rosetree
  12. Hey God, Got A Minute?: Good Questions To Ask The Next Time The Big Guy Calls You In For A Chat by John Barr
  13. Hey, God! Adult Letters to God by Kip Conlon
  14. God Save The Sweet Potato Queens by Jill Conner Browne
  15. How Long Is God's Nose? by John Timmer
  16. He Who Laughs Last: Having the Joyful Life God Intended by Roy H. Hicks
  17. The Night Life of the Gods by Thorne Smith
  18. Oh My God! Are You Talking To Me? (Conversations with Jesus - Book 1) by G. Penial
  19. Donkeys Still Talk: Hearing God's Voice When You're Not Listening by Virelle Kidder
  20. Help, Lord! I'm Having a Senior Moment: Notes to God on Growing Older by Karen O'Connor
  21. Does God Have A Big Toe?: Stories About Stories in the Bible by Marc Gellman
  22. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by George Carlin
  23. The Box (Jesus Had a Tough Job) by G. Penial
  24. Mr. & Mrs. God in the Creation Kitchen by Nancy Wood and Timothy Basil Ering

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs?

____________

-- Christopher Morley from "Contribution to a Contribution" --

THE LIFE OF BRIAN - ENDING

Always look on the bright side...and remember whatever you do..."the last laugh's on you!"

SPEAKING OF GOD...

Speaking of God...here's what a few pen pals have to say:

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank." -- Woody Allen

"God is silent, now if only we can man to shut up." -- Woody Allen

"God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project." -- Anonymous

"God will always be a Tory." -- Lord Byron

"I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose." -- Clarence Darrow

"Do I believe in God? Let's say we have a working relationship." -- Noel Coward

"Zeus, 'the God of wine and whoopee'"." -- Garrison Keillor

"God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country." -- Mark Twain

"If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God." -- H.L. Mencken

"I don't know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God." -- Somerset Maugham

______________

Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon by Lisa Swerling &n Ralph Lazar

Is aetheism a non-prophet organization?

SAVE YOUR SOUL ...HUG A HO-HO-HO!

So which hero of hilarity would you like to hug today?

See results

LAUGHABLE LESSONS FROM THE TREE OF LIFE

-- "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

-- Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup, the roots go down and the plant goes up, and nobody knows really how or why but we're all like that.

-- Have you ever heard of a branch having a self-identity crisis with its leaves?

50 GIGGLE GUIDES TO LIFE - (Sponsored by the Goddess of Giggles of course)

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." -- Lord Byron

Saints, Sinners and Scalawags: A Lifetime in Stories
Saints, Sinners and Scalawags: A Lifetime in Stories

For those who like juicy reading material!

 
Foolscap and Folderol!
Foolscap and Folderol!

For those who like poetry instead of prayers.

 
Devils
Devils

Welcome to the Beelzebub Boys Club!

 
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

A great source of wit for wedding toasts!

 
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Lends new meaning to acts of god.

 
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

A collection of comical cosmic conundrums.

 
The Meaning of Liff
The Meaning of Liff

For non-believers and neologists.

 
A Dirty Job: A Novel
A Dirty Job: A Novel

The funny Forces of Darkness are alive well!

 
Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature
Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature

Nothing but the bare essentials for buxum bookworms only!

 
Hitching Rides with Buddha
Hitching Rides with Buddha

A Canuck's jest-in-time journey through Japan.

 
Baloney Slice Theology
Baloney Slice Theology

Best consumed with a grain of salt.

 
The Five Jerks You Meet on Earth
The Five Jerks You Meet on Earth

Where pith and vinegar prevail!

 
Notebook for Fantastical Observations
Notebook for Fantastical Observations

All about finding fairies and drawing them.

 
I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life
I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life

For the wimps and worrywarts in your life!

 
Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired
Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired

Hmmm...do you think God likes enchiladas?

 
Dragonology: The Complete Book of Dragons (Ologies)
Dragonology: The Complete Book of Dragons (Ologies)

Wanna see a dragon who can munch on lettuce?

 
Carpe Jugulum (Discworld)
Carpe Jugulum (Discworld)

Fallen angels really love this one!

 
Love on a Rotten Day: An Astrological Survival Guide to Romance
Love on a Rotten Day: An Astrological Survival Guide to Romance

Irreverent guide to intimacy & hilarity.

 
It's Happy Bunny: What's Your Sign?
It's Happy Bunny: What's Your Sign?

For the bible-thumping bunny-loving crowd.

 
In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash
In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash

The spirit of satire is alive and well!

 
Life, the Universe and Everything (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Life, the Universe and Everything (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

All about Arthur Dent, Trillian and the God of Thunder.

 
Pimp My Cubicle
Pimp My Cubicle

A best-seller by Reverend Smoothello G. Debaclous.

 

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    • TheMonsterToySh1 profile image

      TheMonsterToySh1 6 years ago

      Love it!

    • profile image

      LaurenPatrick 7 years ago

      I just love the word chortle..and I ended up here. :D

    • LisaMarieGabriel profile image

      Lisa Marie Gabriel 8 years ago from United Kingdom

      Great lens! I favourited it so I can come back whenever I need a little lift!

      Thank you!

      Lisa :)

    • chefkeem profile image

      Achim Thiemermann 8 years ago from Austin, Texas

      5*s and a hearty SquidAngel Blessing for this hilarious masterpiece!

    • profile image

      rose08 9 years ago

      It's very nice of you to create such a great lens. Thanks for the wonderful collection with great resources. Urh, abstainer is a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure? LOL, too much alcohol is not good for health. Well, welcome to free bible study course online, where you can find various courses of online studies.

    • ElizabethJeanAl profile image

      ElizabethJeanAl 9 years ago

      Great lens. We need laughter in our world. Its a wonderful way to lower stess and it adds a bit of spice to life.

      5 stars and lensroll to My Mother's Shoes

      Lizzy