ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Religion and Philosophy»
  • Astrology & Metaphysics

Death of a loved one

Updated on September 4, 2014

Loss and Bereavement

Death


Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, a relationship, loss of money, home etc. Most of us will at one time or another go through the grief of loss.

I faced loss the hardest at 29 when my stepdad died of cancer. He was only 65. It happened fast from the time they told us he had cancer to the time he died. He had esophogeal cancer. It took him in 6 months.

I still remember the day we found out. It was labor day and we were having a barbecue to celebrate as a family. He cooked the barbecue, but as he began to eat, he started throwing up and could not stop. Of course this prompted an emergency room visit where we found out he had a tumor in the throat area- hence the esophogeal cancer. They took the tumor out and told us he would be okay. I had a feeling he would not be okay as I noticed he had trouble keeping his balance.

My mom and him had been married 18 years when death came to claim him. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss I had experienced. My heart ached for a year. After that I still missed him terribly but each year has gotten easier. I guess you always miss someone though and have trouble understanding they are gone in your heart. I know that is how it has been for me.



(the picture with this story is of my stepdad and me at my first wedding.)

Death

a poem I wrote

I wrote this poem after the death of my stepdad about him

I'll never see your face again

Or hear your laughter

As days go by

I remember you still

As you were

When you were still here

With swollen tears

And a heart that aches

I'll never again

Feel your embrace

Even though your spirit is here

It's just not the same

As hearing your voice

And seeing you near

No more tomorrows

Will hold you

Only yesterday remains

Yet the sun still sets and the stars burn bright

The morning becomes day

The day becomes night

But you are not here

And the sorrow and pain

That death can claim

Bring heavy hands

It's just not the same

And I wish that you were still here

With footsteps light

And laughter long


Sympathy and Grief Poem- Hawaii Sea

(the picture if of him with my oldest daughter at Christmas time)

More loss

My stepfather's death was not the only loss for me at that time. I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant about 2 weeks before his death, two weeks after his death I divorced my first husband after a nine year marriage and three children.

We all grieve in different ways. I think for me I was very scattered for many years following this time period.

My Dad also died in 2001 adding to the brokenness I felt inside. He died of a heart attack at 59.

My cousin died young in 2006. He was only 34 when he died. It was a shock to our family.

I put photos in a slideshow below of him, my stepdad, Grandad and dad.

All these losses changed me at a fairly young age. I began to appreciate those that were still alive, not knowing if they would be there tomorrow. I knew life was precious, that you never knew when someone would be gone.

another poem I wrote as I went through this.

My Father's Death

Sudden despair

What do you mean

He's no longer here

What about tomorrow?

It was always there

Before


Sympathy and Grief Poem- Hawaii Sea Card

I have written many poems on loss and experienced more than I would have liked to. Life before experiencing death seemed easier to me somehow.

I grew up from death.

I developed more compassion towards others out of these experiences then I had before. I now knew the pain of a broken heart, of loss, of death. It gave me a new way of seeing others pain that I carry with me still. I am forever changed by these losses.

(picture of me with my step dad and mom)

Stepdad and me 1999

Stepdad and me 1999
Stepdad and me 1999

5 stages of grief

Before I went through these deaths in my life my spiritual teacher taught me about the 5 stages of grief

Stage 1 Denial. This is the stage of shock. You may be saying this can't be happening to me. This isn't real. It's a nightmare. Your mind has trouble facing this has really happened.

I remember when they came to wheel away my stepad's dead body I thought they were making a mistake. I kept saying wait, he might not be dead. I could not believe he was gone.

Stage 2 Anger. Some may skip this step or go through this stage quickly. I think I go through this stage at the ending of a relationship more than I do with death.

Stage 3 Bargaining. At this stage you may go into a place of wishful thinking or trying to bargain with God. If it is the loss of a relationship you might try to make deals with your partner or they with you.

Stage 4 Depression. When you get to this stage you are beginning to face the situation. You may not want to do anything, but this is just part of the process.

Stage 5 Acceptance. Here you arrive once you have worked through the other four stages. We may go through all these stages over and over until we have worked through our grief.

Grief takes as long as it takes. It is different for everyone. For some they never can work their way through it. Some people may let go easier. Either way loss and death are not easy to go through and should be handled with empathy and compassion towards all involved.

Healing eventually takes place. The heart mends, even though we are forever changed.

Has someone you were close to died?

See results

Death

(picture is of me and my dad when I was a baby)

Have you lost more than one person through death?

See results

When I think of you

This is a poem for my Grandad who died in June 2010

When they told me you may be leaving us

So many memories of my life with you

Came to my mind

When I think of you

I think of family

All the vacations we took

Motorcycles in the desert

Three wheelers, two wheelers, that sidecar

You loved so much

And the way you would make it go up in the air

It would give me a pretty good scare

But it had a television in it

So, it was pretty cool to be in there riding along with you

When I think of you

I think about

All the things you loved to build

Best of all for me was the dollhouse you made

When I was ten

Furnished with thoughtful touches

You loved us like that

I think some may have missed

The beauty in your heart that makes you want to

Do things like build a butterfly house or a doll house

It is all out of love

When I think of you

I think of airplanes

You loved to fly

I speak often of the time I was 4 years old

Sitting on grandma's lap co piloting with you

You let go and made me think I was driving the plane

I was so scared

But you were always there

You always cared for all of us

When I think of you

I think of orange trees on the farm

Of Christmases come and gone

Of memories that live on

Your wacky humor I have pictures of

And I am so glad

We said to one another

I love you no matter what

Because I do

Photo Gallery of these loved ones from my life

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Dad at Hearst CastleMy dad and me in ColoradoMy cousin Johnee and meMy cousin JohneeChristmas Eve with my stepdad, mom and meDancing with my dad at my weddingMy mom, me and my stepdad at my weddingMe, My dad and my stepsisterMe and my Dad
Dad at Hearst Castle
Dad at Hearst Castle
My dad and me in Colorado
My dad and me in Colorado
My cousin Johnee and me
My cousin Johnee and me
My cousin Johnee
My cousin Johnee
Christmas Eve with my stepdad, mom and me
Christmas Eve with my stepdad, mom and me
Dancing with my dad at my wedding
Dancing with my dad at my wedding
My mom, me and my stepdad at my wedding
My mom, me and my stepdad at my wedding
Me, My dad and my stepsister
Me, My dad and my stepsister
Me and my Dad
Me and my Dad

This too

This too shall pass...

Share your thoughts on loss and grief

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • GypsyOwl profile image

      Deb Bryan 8 years ago from Chico California

      Jewels (Patricia),

      You are such a beautiful soul!

      Thank you for this compassionate and heartwarming dedication to loss of loved ones. Grief is such a personal experience that sometimes we forget that the basics are universal. It really helps to connect and to realize that we are not alone in our loss AND we are not alone in the process of moving forward on purpose and with an enlightened awareness of gratitude for the time we had with our loved ones and the time we still have with all those left behind to carry on.

      Kindness, GypsyOwl

    • ZenandChic profile image
      Author

      Patricia 8 years ago

      Thank you for your kind words GypsyOwl

    • Tiddledeewinks LM profile image

      Tiddledeewinks LM 8 years ago

      I lost a baby in miscarriage at a young age. I lost my mom 14 years ago and my dad at age 100, 4 years ago. I lost a beloved dog years ago and wrote a poem about it and lost many pets over the years. The most pain I still carry is over my beloved Old English Sheepdog, Tobie almost 1 year ago. I made a lens then about-Do Animals Go To Heaven? The pain I suffer now is this- I divorced 12 years ago, then remarried 3 years ago, but my ex is constantly taking me to court to "get even" by using my boys and now threatens to destroy our home schooling, since he couldn't "break up the marriage". Any helping thoughts out there from other home schoolers?

    • profile image

      ThomasC 8 years ago

      I think your angels in heaven need a blessing! I love your poems! Great stuff! Blessing it for you!

      ThomasC

    • ElizabethJeanAl profile image

      ElizabethJeanAl 8 years ago

      A beautiful dedication. Losing someone close to you has to be one of the hardest things to go through.

      Lizzy

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 8 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      Beautiful lens and beautiful poetry. I am lensrolling to my Thanksgiving Prayer - A Family Tradition.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      This a beautiful lens Jewel you sure picked the right name for your self and your family sure are blessed to have you in their lives

    • RuthCoffee profile image

      RuthCoffee 8 years ago

      Loss and grief are very, very difficult, but it's something we all experience. I know when my father was killed in a car accident I lost my best friend only a week later following a surgery. Understanding the process and having the experience of going through it helped me to know I could make it through again. Thanks for making this lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      As I read your lens I could feel for you, I lost my father when I was 11 and he was 39. I too have a lost a baby in the second trimester. Through all my sorry and sadness I never lost sight that one day I would be OK. It has taken many years & a ton of tears but I can finally say I AM OK. Thank you for sharing. I have a poem on my page about my fathers death if you'd like to check it out.

      http://www.myspace.com/crystalgranite

    • Wendy L Henderson profile image

      Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

      Jewel this is a wonderful lens. I love the way you write from the heart.

    • PaulHassing LM profile image

      Paul Hassing 8 years ago

      A very moving lens. Strange how losing my mum also led me to write a poem at www.surrealshortstories.com/the-onset-of-grief . You may also find www.liferal.com interesting. It's a word I invented: the opposite of funeral. Thanks for your lens, and for visiting mine. Best regards and more power to you! P. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Hello, I'm Tipi's sister & just noticed you visited her yesterday--I tend to visit people who visit her or that she features now and then. We lost our Dad to malignent malanoma too many years ago. I appreciate how you personalized the 5 stages of grief--I've never seen them presented better. A lovely, sensitive lens.

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 8 years ago

      Great lens about a difficult topic. Must have been hard to loose your stepdad so young.

    • Mickie Gee profile image

      Mickie Goad 8 years ago

      I lost my little sister when I was 11 and she was three. I learned a lot about myself from this experience.

      I also lost my husband to cancer when he was 45 and I was 44. I went to a grief recovery support group. This was the very best thing I did to help myself through this trying time. No one understands losing a spouse better than another widow or widower.

      The best advice you gave on this lens is the quote about "This too will pass." It does pass. The feelings do not go away, but it gets better as time goes by.

    • Tiddledeewinks LM profile image

      Tiddledeewinks LM 8 years ago

      Sorry for your having to suffer such loss. I lost my mom to breast cancer (age 73) in 1994, and my dad (age 100) in 2004. My best friend (Old English Sheepdog) was my greatest loss in Nov.2007. My heart still aches. I know we all have questions about why we must love so much, to lose it all and suffer the emptiness of missing those we love so much.I know divorce is also for some of us like a death, too. Some people just don't try to understand our grief.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      i lost my mother on 2-17-09 and it has been one of the worst things i have ever had to deal with i just can not seem topfunction and go on i take it one minute at a time i spend most of my time crying and greiving it has made me realizethat i am not alone reading your alls comments thank you and god help everyone vonnie in kentucky

    • profile image

      Askyourquestion 7 years ago

      Very nice lens! You've put together a great collection of information and resources on a sensitive topic. I'd love it if you'd stop by my lens on dying smart and say hello when you have a chance.

    • Ramkitten2000 profile image

      Deb Kingsbury 7 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      My father died of esophogal cancer as well. He was 82. It was extremely difficult to see what he went through. There was a time when he thought he might have "beaten it," so to speak, but we quickly realized he hadn't at all.

      I've not lost anyone else close to me, but I've witnessed grief a number of times in Search and Rescue, as recently as two nights ago. It's difficult to watch people's lives change so suddenly with the death of someone they love.

    • profile image

      jgelien 7 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your poignant story. I had never lost anyone close before I lost my parents. There is no preparation for that. Your poem is lovely and heart-wrenching. Your stepdad and dad were very blessed to have you as their daughter.

    • newbizmau profile image

      Guided Abundance 7 years ago from Mobile, AL

      Very touching story. And now you are dealing with another. I feel for you. My thought are with you. Thanks for sharing the steps of grief. I can recognize them in my own life and even in relationship separations. It's surely something I'll remember.

    • Natalie W Schorr profile image

      Natalie W Schorr 7 years ago

      Lovely lens - I have lensrolled it to my Gifts for Grieving Families.

    • LoKackl profile image

      LoKackl 7 years ago

      Thanks for sharing this story. Don't know how I missed it before. 5*/fav/roll to bereaved-children (my new 100percent charity lens to benefit Ryans Heart -- to help kids heal after death of a loved one). You're one of the heavy lifters jewelsofawe!

    • BarbRad profile image

      Barbara Radisavljevic 7 years ago from Templeton, CA

      Thanks for letting me know about this lens. I was touched by your poems. my dad died at 70 of cancer -- just five months after a successful bypass surgery. He developed a tooth ache, double vision and just generally felt sick. The eye doctor and dentist sent him to his regular doctor to get an OK before treating him, and at the ER they discovered the lymphoma. Two weeks later he was gone. Guess it was a very aggressive form. So I know some of the grief you felt when you lost your step dad. I will also lensroll this to Being There for a Dying Loved one. I am truly sorry for all the loses you have suffered.

    • ccgala4 profile image

      ccgala4 6 years ago

      Losing someone dear to you is never easy. After losing a close loved one, I found funeral poems to be of some comfort to me during the bereavement time. There is something about the eloquence of its words and the way it reached my soul for comfort.

      Thanks for sharing, it was a very touching lens!

    • Stazjia profile image

      Carol Fisher 6 years ago from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK

      It's brave of you to share your feelings on the death of loved ones. Blessed by an Angel.

    • KokoTravel profile image

      KokoTravel 6 years ago

      I have lost many dear people in my life... my brother, dad, grandson, grandmother, uncles and aunts, friends and even pets, who have been like children to me. It doesn't get easier as there is always a piece missing. But I still talk to my loved ones, as if they can hear me and sometimes, in my dreams, I seem to get a response from them.

      Life is strange and none of us knows what the future brings for any of us.

    • javr profile image

      javr 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      We often share our grief which helps. This lens has been blessed by a Squid Angel.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Death is the greatest reality.It is important to carry forward good work done by our loved ones.

    • kidsandbibs lm profile image

      kidsandbibs lm 6 years ago

      Death of a loved one is the most painful thing in this world. I know how it feels.. my brother died when he was just 19.. those days were really painful.. i searched the net reading about souls, reincarnation, NDE and read many books.. some by Dr. Brian Weiss. My bro's site is http://www.thefrozenmemories.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      It is sad when you loss a loved one. I have a grandniece that just passed away at the age of 17 due to cancer. And that hit me really hard, burying our grandkids hits us older folks harder then someone our own age.

    • Heather426 profile image

      Heather Burns 6 years ago from Wexford, Ireland

      I've lost too many loved ones and it never gets easier. Parents, 2 sisters, and my best friend. It changes you forever.

    • LissaKlar LM profile image

      LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

      My 3-week-old niece died of SIDS in 2008 it was awful. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • michelleart profile image

      Michelle Collins 6 years ago from Florida

      My cousin was murdered in 1998 & I lost my Aunt to lung cancer in 1999. It is very hard to deal with losing people you love. Very touching lens!

    • CofCJenny LM profile image

      CofCJenny LM 6 years ago

      You learn to live with the loss, but I don't care what anyone says. It never gets easier. The more time that passes the more I would give anything for my loved ones to still be here. But life goes on...

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I lost my grandpa when I was seven, my 18 year old brother when I was ten, but the hardest was losing my dad last year. He made it to 90, and I do have peace in my heart that he's in the presence of the Lord. I think of him everyday and really miss caring for his daily needs for two years. I wouldn't trade that growing-closer time with him for anything, and I'm looking forward to being together again one day. Thank you for your thoughtful Lens and for sharing your heart!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      You have me all misty eyed here....so sweetly done. I could feel the love in your poems and Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On is perfect here. We lost my Dad to malignant melanoma and I still miss him. There was a year when people I cared about and loved kept passing, it was endless loss that brought me low. Poetry is a wonderful outlet in our grief, lensrolled to my poetry lens and about to feature this labor of love. Thank you!

    • jvsper63 profile image

      jvsper63 6 years ago

      It must have been hard to write this lens. I am sorry for all your loses.I never lost a baby I have had many loses. My mom died at 53. I was 15. My nephew died at 33 .A year and a half after that my sister also died at 53 his mom. The same age as my mom was when she died. That was really hard because she was like my mom. There is a 20 yr. difference from first born to my youngest brother so she was 16 yrs older then me. And I had to watch her suffer through her son's visious murder. Before she died. Really special lens.That you are sharing with us. I wish you the best life can bring to you...Joni

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      Came by to give you a virtual hug - much love to you.

    • ZenandChic profile image
      Author

      Patricia 6 years ago

      @darciefrench lm: Ah, thank you Darcie!

    • blue22d profile image

      blue22d 6 years ago

      My heart and hugs go out to you. I lost my husband of 42 years September 3, 2010. Several years ago I lost my sister and aunt. My worst year was having my brother-in-law, my dad and my husband's best friend die within three weeks. Only God through time and family and friends heals. Great lens, well needed. Squid blessing to you.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Thank you for sharing this very emotional moments. Blessed.

    • sallemange profile image

      sallemange 6 years ago

      Very touching. My partner's father died last week. He was a such a friend to me and I miss him hugely.

    • Michey LM profile image

      Michey LM 6 years ago

      Very nice tribute for people in your life...

      I lost my husband 6 years ago (cancer) and since then I just get through all stages, I am at acceptance now, but it still hurt.

      Regards

      Michey

    • awakeningwellness profile image

      awakeningwellness 6 years ago

      Your poems are all so beautiful and such wonderful tributes to your loved ones...giving you a big hug today! :)

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

      I have lensrolled this to "Hospice: It Saved My Dad and Gave My Mother a Good Death"

    • profile image

      yourgoldenfuture 6 years ago

      wonderful lens...

    • davidcompass profile image

      davidcompass 6 years ago

      Great Lens! I really liked the way you used writing poems to cope with loss of your loved ones.Thank you for the courage to share.

    • debnet profile image

      Debbie 6 years ago from England

      I'm glad you've listed the stages of grief and loss. As you say, it all takes different people different lengths of time to go through. I had some very sad news yesterday so I found this lens very reassuring. Blessed by a Squid Angel ;)

    • TapIn2U profile image

      TapIn2U 6 years ago

      Each one of us have our own ways of grieving. Your poems are very touching. I'm glad you shared this to us. Hugs to you! Sundae ;-)

    • julietarot lm profile image

      julietarot lm 6 years ago

      The stages of grief are helpful to know about as you can experience such a rush of different emotions.The loss feels awful and almost indescribable. Memories are such precious things.I put all my photos of my dad in an album and that helped.

    • SeanVernall LM profile image

      SeanVernall LM 5 years ago

      I lost my mother to cancer in 1998, a week before our birthday (we shared the same birthday). I was turning 26 and she was turning 67. As with your step-father it was a relatively short process from diagnosis to her departure (4 months). You poems really express what I was feeling at the time, and how I continue to feel to this day. Thank you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Dealing with death of a loved one is not easy. My dad died in June and my son was murdered 30 days later, in July. I never thought for one moment that I could sit here today and write about such back to back losses. I remember crying so hard for when I lost my dad. We were very close and I couldn't see living without my dad. He was my all. But 30 days later, I forgot that he died. I just remember the knife that went through my heart from the news of my son. I'm better, much better... I don't know how I got here or when I arrived. All I can say is I am better and still healing everyday. I can admit however, that writing about them over and over and over again is a key factor to getting the healing process going when you lose a loved one...

    • ZenandChic profile image
      Author

      Patricia 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Wow! I am sorry to hear that you have had this happen! My heart goes out to you!

    • Holley Web profile image

      Holley Web 5 years ago

      Very touching and my heart goes out to you. Many times sharing the stories helps with the grief. Thank you for sharing :)

    • whoisbid lm profile image

      whoisbid lm 5 years ago

      My mum died just over two years ago and last month my father died. They were both quite young and no-one expected them to die at that age. I am now without parents. To be honest I feel very sad and for a while it was overwhelming sadness, especially when I spent the last 3 weeks of my father's life taking care of him. I don't think that I will ever get over losing my parents because they were like angels to me. What does encourage me is I know somehow they are still around but this is something too wonderful to grasp at times because I am just a mortal living in a broken and messed up world. When I can glimpse the possibility of seeing them again my heart becomes glad. Yes! We will see our loved ones again.. that I know for sure but I can't prove it to anyone ;)

    • debnet profile image

      Debbie 5 years ago from England

      Blessed by a Squid Angel ;)

    • gottaloveit2 profile image

      gottaloveit2 5 years ago

      I wish I was a squid angel so I could bless this lens. It's very beautifully written. It's obvious, through your poetry, the depth of emotion you were feeling and probably still feel. My sister died at 36 and my dad died at 89 five years ago. I'm my 94 year old Mom's caregiver and joyful every single day she's with me. Thanks for your wonderful insights. Adding this to my When Death Looms lens. It's a great complement.

    • JanTUB profile image

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      It's difficult to know what to say. Sadness, joy, recovery, they're all mixed together. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      My dad passed away more than 20 year ago and I have seen many close friends lose theirs or their partners! IMO, death is not to be scared of! We tend to miss the loss of the loved ones, more so in selfish ways I figure! I've been through NDE (near death experience) and so am scared no more! :)

      I wish you much love and great strength though, as your work is significantly beautiful and deserves all the respect! :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      DEATH IS NORMAL BUT HOW CAN I GET OVER THE ONE I LOVE

    • mrducksmrnot profile image

      mrducksmrnot 5 years ago

      Loss of any loved one is always hard. We must carry on with Life and let how they shaped and helped us live on in our life as we do the same. This is part of healing to me.

    • profile image

      Ruthi 5 years ago

      Your poetry and prose on this page show the depth of your emotions, your compassion for others. Indeed, this too shall pass, but we are forever changed.

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 5 years ago

      Sorry for your loss. Blessed by a Squid Angel :)

    • CanInsure profile image

      CanInsure 5 years ago

      This too shall pass is an uplifting statement. I have another for you; "The only thing you can count on is change." I live by this. I have lost people I have loved and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I hope you have begun to heal. Nice tribute to your loved ones.

    • profile image

      VillaDejaBlue 5 years ago

      Nice lens.

    • kathysart profile image

      kathysart 5 years ago

      Ahh me where to start.. it is so difficult. I have had many losses and each one has been painful. In my family we lost 2 adults under 30, 2 children, and grand parents. I always kept thinking I saw them.. I would think "Oh there you are", but then I would remember that no, I would see them again as they had passed.. they were actually dead. It is a reminder that we will ALL one day die. I write poetry as well about it all.. that sadness that never leaves. Beautiful lens and heartfelt poetry. Angel blessed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Returning to bless this labor of a loving heart...

    • profile image

      sheezie77 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this! thumbs up

    • TheLittleCardShop profile image

      Malu Couttolenc 5 years ago

      Losing someone close to you and that you love so much is hard. I lost my mom on May last year it is still hard for me, not even a year yet. And as my birthday approaches it gets worse because I was born on her birthday and this will be the first without her. I also lost 3 close cousins at young age, they were all between 19 and 22. Ii is hard and guess we have to get over it even when it seems impossible. I miss my mom

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      it is so difficult.

    • SheGetsCreative profile image

      Angela F 5 years ago from Seattle, WA

      My favorite line : With footsteps light, And laughter long

      (because I can so relate - my niece, sister and father all died between 2000-2011. More have followed). And as you wisely stated: Grieve takes as long as it takes.

    • Mairis profile image

      Mairis 5 years ago

      :(

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Blessed by a Squidoo Angel who misses her mom very much.

    • AussieWolf profile image

      AussieWolf 5 years ago

      lost My mother and sister within 12 months. that was 7 years ago. Yet the pain is still as fresh as yesterday. Beautiful Lens.

    • Beth Buckley profile image

      Beth Buckley 5 years ago from Portland, OR

      Very beautiful, healing lens on universal topic. Thank you for sharing your story so that others may find peace and healing on their journey.

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 5 years ago

      I lost a good friend to the flu. You never expect that! I still miss her so much! Very nice page here! I am sorry for your losses as well.

    • squid-pinkchic18 profile image

      squid-pinkchic18 5 years ago

      You've created a beautiful lens here. A few years ago I lost my close grandpa, a friend, a great uncle, and a neighbor all in about four months. I've been consciously aware that you can lose someone at any time, ever since. I was touched by your words here, because I know it is a very, very hard thing to get through. Granted, I haven't been put in your shoes - but somewhere similar, so you're not alone. Blessed by a squid angel.

    • siobhanryan profile image

      siobhanryan 5 years ago

      A very moving lens and a great tribute to your loved ones

    • tricomanagement profile image

      tricomanagement 5 years ago

      nicely done - shared in a way that all can feel your loss and know that it is a natural part of life - just a very hard one. Sorry for your losses

    • andreaberrios lm profile image

      andreaberrios lm 5 years ago

      Beautiful honor and very touching lens! I know how you feel. God bless you..and Angel Blessing!

    • profile image

      antoniow 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this lens!

    • bilafond lm profile image

      bilafond lm 5 years ago

      I see you have suffered a lot. This is how life is. nothing is permanent in life. Everything passes and as we go along we realise that the sequence with which we come into this is maintained. A father will like his children to bury him and when this cycle breaks it is when I feel a part of you is taken away. We all have our experiences. May you have all the joys and good health and remain strong.

    • MissMissylue LM profile image

      MissMissylue LM 5 years ago

      Thank you for a wonderful lens. I am currently dealing with the death of a loved one and found this helpful.

    • alina nicoleta92 profile image

      alina nicoleta92 5 years ago

      Such and amazing lens... it really made me to think of my grandfather.

    • Blonde Blythe profile image

      Blonde Blythe 5 years ago

      Beautiful lens! Your poems are wonderful! :)

    • brightandshiney profile image

      brightandshiney 4 years ago

      Very beautiful lens, I several close family members with in 3 months of each other, so I know how hard it is.

    • profile image

      TheBeautifulLife 4 years ago

      Today is one of my saddest day in my life, but i'am here on squidoo, looking for lense for my soul and i find few...Your is one of those, who moved me a lot. Thank you for really great lense. Mark

    • ShineRita profile image

      ShineRita 4 years ago

      I just want to cry right now. It really made me to think of my grandfather, grandmather and maternal grandfather.

    • BarryBuzza profile image

      BarryBuzza 4 years ago

      If you want another good read that helps one through the pain and grief of losing a loved one, read about my book "Good Mourning" here: https://hubpages.com/literature/good-mourning-2

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      July 23, 2011, was one of the worst days my family has had to endure. It was the day I had to wake my mother up to tell her the police were at our front door wanting to see her. They were there to tell her that her only son, her baby, at the age of 33 had died. He had just come home for good for only 6 weeks after being in Iraq for the last 2 1/2 years supporting the Army at Camp Stryker. I heard the most heart wrenching, animalistic whimpering scream come from my mother's lips and I saw the life drain from her in her eyes all in the matter of an instant. I hear that scream every day of my life in my head, the power and emotion of that all come back in a instant in the form of a knot in my throat and a waterfall of tears stream down my face. How are we ever going to survive this? Later we found out that his accident made it impossible to have a normal wake and funeral. He was so badly damaged from landing full force head first in the concrete bottom of Beardsley Canal when he was thrown off his ATC going about 14 mph at 2am. We considered it a blessing that he had died instantly. He laid there in the dark, in the desert, for 3 more hours until a good friend of his went looking for him and found him. Iraq had given him severe PTSD and he couldn't sleep so he decided to take a ride. His friend is still tormented by the vision of seeing his friend in that state. It has given him PTSD and some of the worst nightmares he has ever had. That day we all lost so much, a friend, a son, a brother, an uncle, the stability and security of the patriarch of our small family. He was our natural born leader.

      He always had a bear hug, advice, a smile and his crazy sense of humor to freely give to anyone. He couldn't stand to see a child in Iraq wear shoes that had holes in them so I would get a call from him to look for a delivery coming in the mail and to immediately ship it to him. It was imperative that the little Iraqi kid get his new shoes right away. He came to the aid of a fellow co-worker when his laptop died and he couldn't keep in contact with his wife and kids because he couldn't afford to buy another one. My brother ordered a new laptop from Dell for him. He couldn't stand the thought of his co-worker not being able to contact his family. He knew that contact with family in a war zone was essential to remain sane and hopeful.

      Scott was my hero then and after his death he became iconic to me. We were gutted by his death but we had to make a important unexpected decision within hours of his death. A decision that we had to make in a time when we could barely function through the anguish and tears. Our phone rang and it was the Donor Network of Arizona. Our mom answered the call and how she mustered up the strength and comprehension to even make sentences is still baffling to me. They wanted to let her know that Scott was eligible to donate organs and tissues if we would like for that to happen. Mom told them she would have to think about it and talk it over with me. She hung up and immediately told me what they said. I looked at her for a split second and said yes. It is what Scott would have wanted. His outlook on it was, if I can't use it or don't need it - then give it away to someone that can. So in his last gift to the mortal world he gave over 50 people part of him. There are people that will be able to see and there are people that will be able to continue on living and making memories with their families and make a difference in the world. Continue on doing Scott's work. As the family of the donor, we think of it as the only good thing to come out of our tragedy. It almost makes it bearable. So it is a gift to us as well in that way. The Donor Network of Arizona astounded me with their true caring and honest desire to help you through the death of your loved one and they constantly contact you to give you hope and acknowledgment on how they deem your loved one and their family as true heroes to the world. They had organ recipients meet us to let us know their side of the donor process. They all cried and couldn't thank us enough for the second chance at life they were given. I was amazed and honored that most organ recipients donate their time, year after year, to donor appreciation events so that they can tell their side of the story. Their words and look of health truly astounded me and I was so very proud of my brother even more and proud of the donor recipients for helping others in this rather unusual situation we all were put in. I loved seeing the lust for life in their eyes, it reminded me of my brother. I truly thank them from the bottom of my heart which would never be enough.

      The first year of his death we were cloaked in grief, numbness, denial, despair and terrible sadness. We would have desperate visions of him calling us or showing up at our door saying it was all a mistake, they misidentified him and he really was in Iraq. I went through serious bouts of movie like dreams and dramatic visions about him sneaking up to my room, sitting on my bed, leaning down to touch my hair to ease me out of my sleep. I would jump up and throw my arms around him and scream. I mean he did that before and he will do it again. At any moment it will happen, right? Heartbreaking revelations that would leave us devastated all over again.

      This second year we functioned and that is pretty much it. We are like eternally lost. We realized that life as we knew it was over and that we needed to live in a different way. We asked repeatedly why this happened to us. Why did this happen to Scott? I felt terrible survivors guilt. He had made way more of himself at 33 than I had at 40. He was doing so much good and I had done nothing. He lived everyday to the fullest with positivity and energy. I sat and watched the clock ticking, with no desire and an ample amount of negativity regarding everything. Why wasn't it me? I got angry at God for taking him instead. I got angry because I didn't know what I needed to do to fix everything and everyone. I was just angry. I felt that in order to move on and release my anger I had to accept that he was gone forever and I was not ready to accept that. So it continued to consume me. Added to it was sadness, numbness, aimlessness even more of a shell of a person than I was before. Truth is I couldn't fix anything or anyone, including myself. I got angry that he never got married and had kids. I had married, gotten divorced and had two kids. He considered my kids as his, he knew he was their only father figure and he just slid into that without skipping a beat without even being asked - with a smile and endless energy. But I still was angry that I would never be an aunt. I would never get to tease him about getting his first gray hair. I got angry because he was going to teach my son how to play baseball, how to treat girls and how to give a car an oil change and now I had to do that and I had no idea how to teach a little boy about how to be a good man like he could.

      But in reality, we somehow needed to find a way to go on. The hard part was to go on with purpose and meaning. I had to do something to honor Scott to help save myself, to help heal, to be able to live life and not to just take up space. The direction I found myself going in was the wrong way, I did know that much. I struggled with what I should do. I was seven courses shy of a B.A. in Criminal Justice, but not being able to financially continue on with that shot down my dream of wanting to save the world from the bad guys. I didn't feel it was a good fit at this point in my life because of what had happened. I wasn't strong enough to take on the world anymore. So what else was there?

      10 years ago I created a company with my mom called, The Silkworm Garden. She made silk flower arrangements and I handmade candles. We even dabbled in floral arrangement rental - for weddings, meeting, etc. Our company took off to the point where we were tossing the idea of quitting our jobs to open a store. We were within 4 months of that step when 9/11 happened. The attack on our country devastated not only our country but the

    • bilafond lm profile image

      bilafond lm 4 years ago

      I have lost my SOn who had just passed 32 Years of age. I can completely relate to the pain. But such are the ways of Almighty and I can only bow my head into his submission and pray for all such Parents who suffer the pain - unbearable pain to bear this irreparable loss .

    • profile image

      tarsummit 4 years ago

      I've lost my father 3 years ago and since then I'm not the same ... I miss him so much and the pain is unbelievable! I'm sending you big hug!

    • jennifer421 lm profile image

      jennifer421 lm 4 years ago

      This is so tragic!! I know that losing someone close is like losing some part of you and you miss them your whole life knowing that you will never feel their presence in life again!!!

    • JuliaAnnPayne profile image

      JuliaAnnPayne 4 years ago

      I have lost 3 people in one year and it was very tough for me but we need to stay positive and take one day at a time.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      As I'm reading this my father is dying. I am brokenhearted , so sad and scard. He is oin a nursing home with my mother . He contracted a cold which turned into pneumonia and at 95 he is worn out. He got through 3 pneumonias but this one took its toll o n hjim. I have no children, no other family and a troubled marriage, mo monies, ha nd to mouth. I have my parents who I cherish and I am so lost watching him slowly passing. He doesn't want to eat and very little drinking. He sleeps most of the time. I can't say goodbye,please help me ,

    • ZenandChic profile image
      Author

      Patricia 4 years ago

      @anonymous: So sorry to hear! Death is so difficult. I will say a prayer for you!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      heart breaking isn't it. I love my mother August 2012 it does hurt so much. We lost her so fast. Then lost my granparents to dementia and so, I lost a few people. My granparents aren't dead but they just aint them anymore.

    • ZenandChic profile image
      Author

      Patricia 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Sorry to hear! <3

    • VspaBotanicals profile image

      VspaBotanicals 4 years ago

      Truly truly beautiful

    • profile image

      john9229 4 years ago

      Touching... Thanks God what ever I have now.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      my grandfather dieded about 6 months ago so I read this lens

    • profile image

      moonlitta 4 years ago

      It's so sad we have to part with people we love, and the younger they are the more difficult it is. However we have to accept what's happened- and keep the priceless memories of the wonderful beings we were lucky to have in our lives.

    • profile image

      Aarron 4 years ago

      Let me share a link where I found some good spiritual understanding about death. I am sure it will help you. http://www.dadabhagwan.org/scientific-solutions/sp...

    • darkflowers profile image

      Anja Toetenel 3 years ago from The Hague, the Netherlands

      Very beautiful Lens, heart touching and I think 99% of people reading this can relate to it! I loved your poems and photos a lot. Thank you!

    • profile image

      traveldestinations 3 years ago

      Very nice lens on losing one to death. You must have been close to your step dad.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      My father died when I was in university. My sister has stage 4 cancer and I think I am now in the bargaining stage. Thanks for this article.

    • bilafond lm profile image

      bilafond lm 3 years ago

      This lens brings a flood of memories. Good lens. Death is inevitable. Imagine if there was no loss this life would have been meaningless.

    Click to Rate This Article