The wind was cool as it blew through my hair; the windows were down and the radio was turned up. I looked in my rear-view mirror and I could see my sweet 8 month old son asleep in the backseat. It is rare that my son and I get to have these precious moments together. Usually, at home, he fights sleep as if he were fighting a fire breathing dragon on the peak of the Misty Mountains during the War for the North- his tantrums are epic and his endurance is unwavering. But this moment… it was precious, rare, and one that I savored. We were on a road trip back from my mother in law’s home where we had spent the weekend visiting while my husband was in Mexico leading a house build. This sweet time driving back home with my son with giggles and happiness (at least for me) was just what I needed. The entire week before he developed a new phase. During the weekend he showed off his new phase to his aunt and grandma by seeming very proud of himself to cry every time anyone wanted to hold him that wasn’t mommy. Every time he was placed back in my arms, he would look up at me and smile with a look that said, “Don’t worry mom, I won’t let anyone take me away from you.” He wouldn’t eat without squirming, wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t behave like I wanted him to behave in front of his grandma (which was my own fault, really. Who expects an 8 month old to behave?)- I was frustrated, embarrassed, and discouraged. But here in this moment, this moment with the cool breeze, sunshine, and my sweet sleeping baby; I felt alive and at peace.
As we drove I began to pray for him and for our relationship. I prayed out loud that God would teach me to be the mother that Eli needs and that He would instill patience, kindness, unconditional love, maturity, wisdom, and discernment in me. I prayed that God would make me the wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend that I need to be, too. I have been lacking in all those areas- wrapped up in my exhaustion and in my son. God quieted my heart, as He always does when I go before Him, and He sang over me. He brought Zephaniah 3:17 to mind and I delighted in it. It says, “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” I truly felt that and as I drew close to God, He drew close to me and I was able to rest in Him. It has been a long time since I have been able to enjoy quiet time with my Father uninterrupted for so long. I prayed that He would speak to me.
After awhile, I decided to call one of my best friends to talk through with her all that God had laid on my heart during that time. So, I kindly asked Siri to call my friend on speaker phone. Unfortunately, she couldn’t answer, but as I was leaving her a voicemail something really cool happened. As my voice filled the car, my son opened his eyes and began searching for me, and as soon as my voice fell silent, his eyes closed and he went back to sleep. It made me stop and think, “If my son is so in tune with me that he wakes and searches for me at the sound of my voice, how much more in tune should I be with my Heavenly Father that the sound of His voice stirs my heart?”
I started to think about how privileged I am to be His child and how amazing it is that He loves me so much that He speaks to me. I thought about how whenever I speak to my son, even when I am disciplining him (or trying to), it is always with love and it is always with the hope that he learns how to behave and is safe. Our Heavenly Father speaks to us the same way- in love, always. We just have to be in tune enough with Him to hear it. His voice can be thunder or a whisper. It can roar across nations or be a whisper in the wind through blades of grass. It can present in fire or in waves- in judgment or in grace. His voice alone has so much power. Job 37:5 says, “God thunders wondrously with his voice; he does great things that we cannot comprehend”, and Ezekiel 43:2 says, “And behold, the glory of the God of Israel came from the east and His voice was like the sound of many waters, and the earth shone with His glory”. So powerful, in fact, that He can speak blessing and life or death and destruction into existence, if He wanted to. He could speak whatever He wanted and He chooses to speak love over me. That is a voice I want to follow- now and always. I pray desperately that I would not miss out on what He has for me simply because I am not listening.
Deuteronomy 28:2 says, “And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you if you heed the voice of the Lord your God.” If you hear His voice today, I pray you take heed and walk with Him. You never know what you might miss.