Is there a way of stopping dreams about someone else when you're married?

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   peeplesposted 12 years ago

   Is there a way of stopping dreams about someone else when you're married?
   
   I am having dreams about someone from my teen years. I was never in a relationship with him but in my dreams I always am. I wake up feeling guilty. How do I stop having these dreams? I always wake up remembering every detail and spend the day thinking about why I'm dreaming of him. Can we control our dreams?

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   kittythedreamerposted 12 years ago

   I would say figure out why he's popping into your dreams so often (I had a VERY similar experience recently and figured it out after much thought and soul-searching). Perhaps there's a part of you that you've lost in adulthood that you had in your teen years that thinking of this particular person brings it back. Perhaps he signifies something you want in your life...it doesn't even have to be romantic! Hopefully this helps.

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      peeplesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks! I will have to think on that!

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   JThomp42posted 12 years ago

   No. I have done research and we cannot control our dreams. A Lot of times it is in your subconscious. Your dream basically signifies you still have passion in your marriage.

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      peeplesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. Just feels wrong when I know I love my husband!

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      JThomp42posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are welcome. This is from dream interpretation.

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   JBrumettposted 12 years ago

   Hmm, well yeah you can control dreams.  I'm not sure about relationship dreams, but I was a taught a trick when it came to nightmares that always works for me.  If you have a recurring nightmare all you have to do is daydream about it and put yourself in a position where you're in control of the situation. Then, you can end up playing that out the next time you dream that scenario.  At least for me, I've gotten to the point where I don't even need to daydream about nightmares anymore, because my subconscious pretty much knows what I want now and does it for me.  Saves me a lot of trouble in having to wake up from nightmares. I don't know if that method will work for relationship dreams though.

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      JThomp42posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Does that work if you have P.T.S.D.?

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      peeplesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Nightmares I have adjusted to and can handle. These though have been coming and going for 10 years! I need to give that a try I quess.

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      JBrumettposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Might want to talk to your doctor about that.  I can't really say it'd hurt to try, but I don't have information relating to what happened to trigger PTSD.  It's not an overnight cure either, you're basically training your subconscious to react.

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      duffsmomposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      JBrumett - yes this works. I have done it for years and taught it to my children.  And you get better at it as time goes on. At first you might do it when awake, but eventually you will be able to do it while asleep.

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      JBrumettposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @duffsmom  Yep,  I can't verify it works for everyone, but I know it works for me.  Once your subconscious knows what you want it pretty much adapts dreams to give you a bit more control while you sleep.

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   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   Years ago after having a nightmare that terrified me, I made myself go back into the dream - I laid in bed and pictured everything from the dream and faced what scared me.  I took control of the situation in my imagination and made it come out the way I wanted.
   
   I still do this but have done it so long, I can actually do it while still sleeping.
   
   Next time this dream happens, lay in bed and go through the whole dream, and maybe tell this gentlemen that you have fond memories but need to move or - or whatever.  Do it time and again every time the dream happens and I'll bet it will pass.
   
   Or this young man may represent something else, unfulfilled dreams, a longing for something completely aside of the man himself.  Keep digging you'll find the answer.

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   MizBejabbersposted 12 years ago

   Everyone has some good suggestions and I'm sure that there are several worth trying, except for the person who says you can't control your dreams. I think that is true only to a certain extent and the power of your own mind. I have a suggestion that has worked for me, but it doesn't mean it will work for anyone else. First you have to believe in your subconscious or soul. Before you go to sleep, you address you soul by whatever name you call it, and say "X is off limits in my dreams." You may want to repeat this three to five times. If several days later X appears back into your dreams, do it again.  I do not like for my cats to appear in my dreams because they are usually in a position that I am worried about their safey or whereabouts. I woke up screaming one night because I dreamed that one had been killed by a car while I was trying to save him. I now repeat that my cats are off limits in my dreams, and it works for me. "Soul, my cats are off limits in my dreams" is my mantra, and I have had to repeat the process only once. Sweet dreams!

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   mvillecatposted 12 years ago

   I still dream of my first love from high school, twenty five years later. I've been married to my husband 19 years. I think it is just my brain working things out. And by that I mean it could be dealing with something from way back then or something relative to my husband. I have PTSD, so I think my brain deals with a lot of stress when I sleep. We had severely abused foster children who had disturbed sleep patterns due to their PTSD. It is a very interesting subject, dreams that is.

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   pride-n-prejudiceposted 12 years ago

   The exact same thing happened to me the first several years of my marriage.  I didn't do anything in particular.  They just stopped.  It took about 5 years though.  I don't think you should feel guilty for it or try guess what it means.  It just is.  You can make too much of dreams.  Whatever you do don't facebook him!!  Too many marriages are lost through the pursuit of old friends.

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   lone77starposted 12 years ago

   The best thing you can do is not to resist them, but face them.
   
   Take some private time to confront this "demon." Look at every aspect of the dream and the feelings attached to them. Take them to their logical and even illogical conclusions. When you look at an idea thoroughly, you take the "juice" out of it. (Like the old saying, know the truth and you are set free.)
   
   Guilt only helps to perpetuate it, because it is resistance.
   
   Doing the opposite would be just as bad (desiring or giving in to it).
   
   Remain neutral at the center and look at it dispassionately. Let that "storm" pass through you. Like the martial artist in their "horse," balanced at the center -- neither over-reaching or flinching. This is what my late father called, "neutral affinity."

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    IDONOposted 12 years ago

    Maybe it's something telling you in your subconscious that the person or the relationship you had in the past had something that is missing in your relationship today. We have a tendency to search for answers in what is there instead of what is not there. Sit and to the best of your ability, write every detail that you can recollect about your dream. Then compare that to your relationship today. If you find something you liked then, but don't have now in your current relationship, maybe you could tactfully discuss it with your current partner and come to some resolution to the issue. This could enhance your current relationship and alleviate unresolved issues that could be triggering these recurring dreams.

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    Ciel Clarkposted 12 years ago

    Yes, we can control our dreams, but it sounds like your dreams are fine.  Let yourself be free in your dreams, and then let them go-- don't stress about them in the day and think about your amazing husband and how good things are. 
    
    Possibly your brain is trying to recreate that hyper-intense feeling about everything that we have as teens --when the emotions from just saying hello to a certain someone in class could influence your thoughts for the whole day. -- I think that is missed by our adult, (non- teen- hormonal!) brain and it tries to recapture that high, even if at the time it wasn't actually that fun for the most part. 
    
    ps, check out lucid dreaming!  I did it for a few years, and it is very easy... with work.  Following the habits needed for lucid dreaming I can be aware that I'm dreaming and make decisions in the dream rather than have the dream happen to me.  Thanks for the reminder-- must get back to those habits!!

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