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10 Guaranteed Advantages of Being Thrown-out of Any College Football Game

Updated on June 27, 2015
With enough patience, you, the shy fan, can one day be one fhe guys behind this girl.
With enough patience, you, the shy fan, can one day be one fhe guys behind this girl.
Fighting with fans who support the opposing team is what unruly fans do.
Fighting with fans who support the opposing team is what unruly fans do.

It happened.

Well, my ex-shy college football fan, it happened. I mean it really happened. The goal that was burning your insides you finally achieved: Being thrown-out of a college football game. You will always remember that first time those security guards who looked like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Ric "Nature Boy" Flair lifted you up from your seat with ease and never said a word as they carried you to the exit gate and tossed you (like a Frisbee) into, or onto the parking lot.

Cops are seen having to Pepper Spray Michigan Wolverine fans for being out of order.
Cops are seen having to Pepper Spray Michigan Wolverine fans for being out of order.
These Michigan State fans know how to take being obnoxious to the next nasty level.
These Michigan State fans know how to take being obnoxious to the next nasty level.

Hitting Mullen with an egg was sheer genius

What got you thrown-out of this game that pitted Mississippi State against Vanderbilt, was when you threw a perfectly-good, farm-fresh egg that you had hidden in your coat pocket and hit Dan Mullen, head coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs square between the eyes--even the network camera crew caught it and it was shown numerous times on ESPN's "Not Top 10 Plays of The Week." Neil Everette, one of the ESPN analysts was quoted as saying, "Heyyy, this clip might win that guy who threw the egg an ESPY, and I heard from a source close to Dan Mullen, that he wants to sit down with this "egg tosser" and see if he would be their next walk-on quarterback."

Riot squads had to be called to Tuscson to defuse a riot because Arizona had lost a major championship game.
Riot squads had to be called to Tuscson to defuse a riot because Arizona had lost a major championship game.
These unruly fans are just waiting to get into a fight with fans who pull for their opponents.
These unruly fans are just waiting to get into a fight with fans who pull for their opponents.

You being thrown-out of that one college football game set off a nice chain-of-events.

You see how needed-change started in your obscure life? Just by tossing an egg at Mullen and getting thrown-out of "that" college football game then ESPN picked up the story and this was only the beginning of the changes you needed to be a part of the unruly, colorful college football fans who are always talked about the next Sunday morning as being interesting and playing an integral part of college football.

And the excitement just keeps coming to you. People, mostly hot females who work at your office who never knew that you existed, are now "eyeing you" as you walk to your desk in the morning. Your boss doesn't humiliate you as much (on purpose) by chewing you out in front of the staff. And even the so-called "tough guys" in the office are showing you some needed-respect. "Hey, Busby. Saw you last night on ESPN's 'Top 10 Plays of The Day,' and how you handled yourself when the three cops had to wrestle you down just to get you out of the stadium. Man, what a troublemaker you are. Wanna have lunch with us?"

This young man is a Georgia Bulldogs fan. He is upset at how his team is faring in one of their contests and is showing people he doesn't fear speaking out or showing-off.
This young man is a Georgia Bulldogs fan. He is upset at how his team is faring in one of their contests and is showing people he doesn't fear speaking out or showing-off.
These two students from The University of Arizona take a moment to get a selfie during riots caused by Arizona students who were upset at Arizona losing an important championship game.
These two students from The University of Arizona take a moment to get a selfie during riots caused by Arizona students who were upset at Arizona losing an important championship game. | Source
Ole Miss Rebels fans and Georgia Bulldogs fans are tailgating, but deep down inside, they are all high- spirited rivals.
Ole Miss Rebels fans and Georgia Bulldogs fans are tailgating, but deep down inside, they are all high- spirited rivals.
These fans of The Oregon Ducks may look placid, but rile them up and a riot will break-out in a short time.
These fans of The Oregon Ducks may look placid, but rile them up and a riot will break-out in a short time.
Dabo Swinney, head coach, Clemson Tigers finds it tough to talk to reporters after they upset their rivals at FSU, for their fans rushing the field and trying to get into the photo.
Dabo Swinney, head coach, Clemson Tigers finds it tough to talk to reporters after they upset their rivals at FSU, for their fans rushing the field and trying to get into the photo.
This guy being tossed from a football game must be a pro at his craft for notice that he is not resisting the cops.
This guy being tossed from a football game must be a pro at his craft for notice that he is not resisting the cops.
These Oregon Duck fans know hot to get attention anytime they like.
These Oregon Duck fans know hot to get attention anytime they like.
This magazine lay-out summed it up best: "Football Madness."
This magazine lay-out summed it up best: "Football Madness."
These Florida Gator fans are yelling a lot of obscenities at the opposing team's players.
These Florida Gator fans are yelling a lot of obscenities at the opposing team's players.
Unruly fans of college football or any sporting event can cause a riot simply by making a lot of people angry enough to fight.
Unruly fans of college football or any sporting event can cause a riot simply by making a lot of people angry enough to fight.

You must be a charmed man for in most cases, these sudden life-changes happen gradually, but not you. No, sir. They are happening almost daily. And somehow you are a "ringer" for you are handling them like an old pro. But when you get the time, you need to sit down and think about the . . .

10 Guaranteed Advantages of Being Thrown-out of Any College Football Game

10.) Bedroom Victories -- are coming fast. Once upon a time you were like a dud firecracker in the sack with your wife. Oh, sure, your fuse would light, then fizzle-out leaving your wife frustrated. But not now. You are so confident down that you simply look toward the bedroom and you both know what is going to happen. Your wife looks at you now like a modern day sex god.

9.) Those two mongrel stray dogs who bark at and sometimes bite you as you walk from your house to the sidewalk to your mailbox, are tame as lambs when your foot hits the ground. And all it took was an angry glare from you. And this and other advantages you have needed are happening simply because you were thrown out of the Mississippi State - Vanderbilt college football game. Funny how life works sometimes.

8.) Those hot girls in your office who love to party are always asking you to have drinks with them after work, but you are "playing it so cool" that the boss has to keep the heater on even in the summertime.

7.) The local radio station who employs "Lightning Lungs Leonard McCoy," the number one early morning talk show host, did a live interview with you and your phone at home now rings almost continually.

6.) Even Matt Lauer, host of the Today Show has been sending you messages and calling you to appear on the Today Show, but you are not an egotist. You do interviews when YOU want to. Not when people like Lauer except you to do them.

5.) For no reason you took your wife of 22 years out to dinner last week and the owner, not the head waiter of this fine eatery tore up the ticket. Your reputation as an unruly, rebellious college football fan is preceding you in places you would never be allowed to enter.

4.) Because you were thrown-out of that one college football game, (and now your score has reached 9 games), your shyness has completely disappeared. You simply "talk up a storm" to everyone who will listen. Hey, last week you merely mentioned to your boss that you and the office personnel deserved a raise and by pay day, a hefty raise was given to you and the entire staff. Now are you beginning to understand the advantages of being thrown-out of college football games?

3.) Your dead-beat brother-in-law suddenly showed up last week and paid back that $1,000.00 you let him have almost ten years ago. But he not only paid the thousand, but added three-hundred dollars for interest. He said that he was in his neighborhood bar having drinks and overheard someone mentioning your name as the "guy who has been thrown-out of nine college football games and that you must be a beast when aroused with anger." This is so amazing.

2.) You act thirsty at the movies with friends last night and just your intimidating demeanor caused this poor snack bar employee to give you a large soda for free.

1.) You started to leave last Friday on your one week annual vacation from work and your boss ran from his office to head you off. He insisted that you take two additional weeks with pay just for changing the atmosphere of the office.

Now you cannot afford to become complacent with your new-found fame as the "Number One Hated College Football Fan" who now holds the record of being thrown-out of 32 games in the past two seasons. And this number includes the first-round of play-off contests which replaced the BCS system of choosing what college team plays in what bowl.

No, sir. You "have bigger fish to fry." This is a fact.

It's time you head to the pro's and show them your moves. Don't worry. Reliable sources tell me that you are the Number One Draft Pick and will probably be heading to the Buffalo Bills. So be sure to pack your heavy clothing for those harsh winters up there.

Our best wishes to you. And when you are tossed from one of their games, remember me and all the common people who watched you climb to the top.

Florida Gator and Tennessee Vol fans throw down at a Nashville Waffle House.

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