10 Things That Can Prevent You or Any Man From Viewing The Super Bowl
It's nearing that time again
Sunday, Feb. 1, 6:30 p.m. eastern time, the biggest football game of the year will start in Glendale, Arizona pitting The Seattle Seahawks against The New England Patriots, current stars of "Deflate Gate," a humiliating moment that got this tag when NFL officials found 11 deflated footballs brought by the Patriots to the NFC Championship Game and these same officials are now whispering among themselves that by using deflated footballs may have led the Patriots to such an easy victory over Andrew Luck and the Indy Colts 49-7.
Embarrassing. Shameful. But true. That's all I want to say of that asinine event because I am sick of hearing every sports and non-sports network air commentaries on this one subject day and night since the deflated footballs were discovered.
The mysterious deflated footballs
How's this for obvious statements? "We have played by all of the NFL rules and did not have one thing to do with this," remarked stone-faced Bill Billichick, head coach of the Patriots and his male model quarterback, Tom Brady's statement was just as predictable: "We were not aware of this and we do not play that type of game." What else could they say?
But as of Monday, Jan. 26, ESPN released a newsflash that "an" employee of the Patriots who was in charge of the footballs that were tampered with, no allegedly about it, was caught on video cameras making suspicious moves with the football and he was going to be questioned by NFL officials. But leave it to male model Tom Brady who clear the muddy waters with this statement: "Yeah, the NFL is going to investigate this embarrassing event, but they are going to wait until after the Super Bowl." What? After the Super Bowl?
Tom Brady and Bill Billichick
A crime's a crime no matter who commits it
What will the NFL do if, during the Super Bowl, these 11 "guilty" footballs being held in custody with no bail, fall into the hands of some other sneaker who tampers with them again? Will that mean that the NFL will have their own version of Watergate?
Pardon me for saying this, but it's crap like this that for me has tainted the glowing image of the Super Bowl. When then-NFL Commissioner, Pete Rozell, had the idea of having the best team from the AFL play the best team from the NFL, the Super Bowl was "super." And worth the over-priced tickets.
Pete Rozelle, NFL commissioner in the late 1960s who dreamed-up the Super Bowl
Joe and the Jets . . . good times
I can remember that the only controversy was "Broadway" Joe Namath, quarterback of the New York Jets kicking-back in his chaise lounge near the pool of the motel where he and his Jets teammates were staying in Miami, answering a reporter who asked, "Joe, who do you think will win?" Joe laughed "that" low-key laugh and replied, "The Jets. I predict it." And the headlines were raging in the hours ahead about Namath saying the most-ignorant statement that has ever been made about a football game. But Joe loved it. And proved it by defeating the Baltimore Colts 16-7.
On Sunday, Feb. 1, every head with two eyes across the U.S.A. and the world will be glued to a television or their ears set to a portable radio to take-in this mecca of sporting events. I guess that I will watch some of the game and I will not hide the fact that I am a Seahawks fan and I want them to win this game.
Setting the story up for you
Now to set this hub up for you. The famous literarian, John Steinbeck's phrase, "the most-clever laid plans of mice and men," comes to mind because we men mostly, would not miss the Super Bowl for love or money. How foolish. In fact, and in my best Joe Namath tone, "I will guarantee that there are some guys who say that nothing will stop them from watching the Super Bowl.
Better stop and think. For I happen to know that there are
10 Things That Can Prevent Any Man from Viewing The Super Bowl
Two real football legends
Be honest. Would any or all of the 10 things I listed in this hub keep you from watching the Super Bowl?
10). The birth of your first, second or third child. Believe me, Mac. If your loving wife, who couldn't attend the Super Bowl with you, should call you on your cellphone and say these words: "Huneee, it's time!" You would bolt like a terrified deer on a busy interstate. And why did you go to the Super Bowl anyway--and leaving your sweet wife at home?
9.) If the United States were suddenly attacked by enraged Cubans who were only acting grateful when President Obama opened-up relations with Cuba after 20 years or more of not talking to them. Yes, you would surely run for cover if you knew that gangs of angry Cubans were roaming wild in our streets throwing rotted bananas at every living thing.
8.) If some drunken-hooligan were to hold you at gunpoint and make you drive him to Topeka, Kansas to visit his sickly brother. You would glady get behind the wheel of your car and invite this lunatic to get into the backseat.
7.) Think of the horror, my friend, if the biggest outbreak of tornadoes known to the National Weather Service were to head for Glendale, Arizona two hours prior to the Super Bowl, do you think you would defy stadium officials and sit by yourself in the howling wind, dangerous lightning and sharp sheets of rain to watch a game that is now canceled?
6.) What if your long-time Army pal whom you have not seen in 30 years were to call you and ask could you drop by the Kennedy International Airport in New York and give him a ride to Tampa, Florida? Would you turn him down and lie about not being able to honor his request? After he took a bullet in his foot for you in basic training.
5.) Now this sensitive situation. If your sister who lives in Brazil, retired from the Peace Corps, who announced years ago that she was a lesbian, now wants to talk to you about changing back to a heterosexal female, you know good and well, she takes prescedence over Tom Brady and Billy Billichick.
4.) Would you watch the Super Bowl if Chinese terrorists called "The Rice Warriors," were to take President Obama hostage and order that all radio and television be turned off? If you argue that this wouldn't stop you then you have my undying respect.
3.) Ten minutes prior to kick-off, an undiscovered volcano erupts from the center of the football field sending thousands to their cars in fear would be a reason for you to not watch the Super Bowl.
2.) Let's say that Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michael Douglas' goddess of a wife, called YOU out of the blue and whined for you to take her out to dinner . . .THEN, you would tear through the crowd like a wild man from the dark, untamed jungles of The Amazon just to be seen with this "brunette bombshell."
1.) What if "I" were to accidentally run into you in the ticket line and start an interview for a new hub I am writing about "How It Feels to be In The Stands at The Super Bowl," would you hurt my feelings and head on inside to watch the game?
Some cooperative person you are.