Sixteen Thoughts on the Lucha Underground Season Two Trailer
It was supposed to be just another boring Saturday night. Just me, the lap top, some No Trigger and Bouncing Souls playing over the speaker and a column about the ten best sodas in the history of the western hemisphere. I know, it's no futuristic football game between the Giants and Tigers in Buenos Aires, but as far as evenings go it could be worse. Then, this happened.
That Lucha Underground; in the span of an hour, it took my evening of writing about soft drinks, set it on fire and flipped it upside down like the ship from The Poseidon Adventure. First there was the announcement of Rey Mysterio's arrival, foregone conclusion that's still exciting because a) Rey is one of the biggest lucha stars ever and b) his presence in the LU can only help draw more eyeballs to the product. Then there was the trailer you see above, a work of art that was so epic it made the X-Men: Apocalypse trailer feel like a colossal let down. As with most epic previews, there's a lot to break down and take away from what we saw (and in my case, saw about five times. It was that good). Luckily, that's why I'm here. So sit back, put the damn trailer on pause for at least a few minutes, and let's delve into a few thoughts on Lucha Underground's super good season two trailer.
1) The battle between Vampiro and Ian Hodgkinson rages on. Perhaps the mindless entertainment of Starship Troopers (which I'm currently watching while writing this) has me reading way too much into things of more substance, but the LU trailer seemed to indicate to me that Ian the man is still trying to suppress Vampiro the monster. I mean, why else would he be in what appears to be a psychiatric ward, being studied by doctors like he's River Tam? If this is where they're going with Vamp, sign me up. Also, big ups to Matt Striker for evidently breaking him out and taking him to the desert where they find that pretty rad ride. You know someone is a true friend when they forgive you for siding with an evil, arm breaking ninja bad ass and break you out of insane asylums. Swell guy that Striker is.
2) Sexy Star has escaped! Alright, maybe she hasn't escaped, but she's at least no longer tied up and at least has a little bit of distance between her and Marty. The lesson, as always; make sure you use the strongest rope when you're holding some hostage. Also, you probably should never hold someone hostage. Another important lesson as it were.
3) Is that military assassin guy shown multiple times a new luchador? Or is he Killshot, and the LU is about to give him the greatest back story since Quint from Jaws? I'm honestly quite torn on this one; one hand, a military esq luchador would be cool. On the other, who doesn't love a great back story elevating a really talented dude to new heights?
4) Who the hell is the woman with the pig tails? And furthermore, are we sure that's actually a woman with pig tails or one wearing a mask with pig tails? Very confusing. The only thing I can definitively say for sure here is that it's not Taya (the hair was clearly brown, whereas Miss Valkyrie's hair is most definitely blonde) and the woman looks to be on the shorter side. I will now refrain from going to the place you think I'm going.
5) Angelico, Ivelisse and Son of Havoc are back and look as epic as ever! Evidently Angelico is also sporting the Seth Rollins haircut, while Havoc and Ivelisse are back to being the world's greatest dysfunctional couple since Johnny Rico and Carmen Ibanez. Dammit, Starship Troopers is now starting to affect my work! Not good.
6) Cisco is in prison. Why is he in prison? Beats me, but he's there, which means Blue Demon Jr. has one less suit to lone out to members of his super group. My guess for Cisco's imprisonment; someone ratted out his actions under El Jefe's leadership, and now law enforcement is trying to get him to roll on Dario for the missing whereabouts of Bael. Looks like B-Boy might get some redemption after all!
7) Johnny Mundo still likes to do lots of athletic things. Not much more to say there, other than my condolences to the guy holding the punching bag during Mundo's sparring session. You just know that guy is going home sore and with a poor tip from the man from the Palace of Wisdom.
8) Jack Evans, The Artist Formerly Known as Justin Gabriel and Drago?! Together?! I mean sure, you can interpret it as Evans and the Darewolf double teaming everyone's favorite dragon, but I'm going to choose to look on the bright side and say that they're just training quite hard in preparation for many battles together. Perhaps now my dreams of an Evans led group facing the Greatest Trios Team to Ever Live will finally come to fruition!
9) Immortan Mil, Catrina and the Disciples are still large and in charge. Well, at least Mil and Catrina are, whereas the poor Disciples look like they're only use is holding the Trios Championships for them while Mil slaps them all the way back to 1997. Hey, when you serve under the Beast King and his master, you best be ready to feel the pain.
10) Prince Puma is angry he lost to Mil at Ultima Lucha. So angry that he's evidently punching holes through punching bags while a dude with sunglasses (Mundo?) looks on. I like this. More angry Puma is good for the soul, like Chicken Soup, Jason Heyward signing with the Cubs or Dina Meyer's nude scene in Starship Troopers. Quick Troopers tangent here; why the hell does Casper Van Dien spend the first hour of that film pining for Denise Richards when Meyer is right there winking him in his bloody face? Come on Rico; that woman was a bad ass, where as the greatest thing Richards has ever done is poorly play a nuclear physicist in the worst Bond movie to not involve an ice hotel. Man, really got stop watching movies while I write these bad boys.
11) Some guy in a read mask is hitting Texano with a chair. I don't know who he is, but that can't bode well for Texano at all.
12) That wasn't an army of Pentagon Jr.'s, it was just Pentagon dressed in several different outfits. Still, wasn't that cool? Unlike his tormented Master, Pentagon at least seems to still be on the righteous path of breaking arms and haunting your dreams.
13) I never knew how much I wanted Aerostar in the desert contemplating the meaning of existence until I saw him doing so in the trailer. Can we get more of this? And while we're at it, can we also make those bad ass shoulder pads he was wearing available for purchase? Honestly, this may have been my favorite part of the whole thing, both because it featured Aerostar looking awesome and also because Pentagon seemed to be there, which suggests the two may be feuding. If Pentagon-Aerostar is a major thing to kick off the season, I will literally be the happiest man alive. I'll have Jack Nicholson's Joker smile on my face forever, and not because chemicals made my face that way!
13) Are Black Lotus and El Jefe separated? Again, perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but I would've thought the two of them appearing together would've been a given for this trailer. Instead, Lotus appears to be bothering people in cars while wandering the earth Kung Fu style, while Dario looks to be back at the Temple, plotting to get his kingdom back. Oh, and where is Matanza? Is he still locked in that trailer, taunting me with the fact that I still can't figure out his identification? I HAVE TO KNOW DAMMIT!
14) Poor Cage, Big Willie Mack, King Cuerno, Chavo Guerrero, Cortez Castro and Blue Demon Jr., who appear to be the only dudes from last season who were returning that didn't make the trailer. What does that mean? Probably nothing, seeing as all of them played pretty decent roles and likely will again. Plus, I'd take not appearing in the trailer than Fenix's role, which was to stand there, look around the Temple and then fade into a shot of Cisco contemplating what the hell he's been doing with his life.
15) This is the best trailer I've seen all year! That says a lot, considering Batman v Superman, Suicide Squad, X-Men: Apocalypse and even The Legend of Tarzan all dropped some glorious two minutes of promise during the year. But my goodness, LU lapped them and then some here. It gave us intrigue, direction, excitement and sold us on all sorts of potential for season two, all while NEVER SHOWING US ANY IN RING ACTION! You don't get much better than this; even Jake Busey and his perpetual squint could see that. And hopefully, so should wrestling fans everywhere. If nothing else, this trailer should be proof to the so called disgruntled masses out there that there is indeed more options.
16) Oh yeah, Rey Mysterio appeared at the very end of the trailer and looked absolutely thrilled. I can't tell if he was thrilled because a) he's in Lucha Underground, b) he just won a high stakes poker game and was trolling the hell out of his opponent, c) he was avoiding the cinematic disaster known as Starship Troopers or d) all of the above. The lesson, as always; this is why you shouldn't write Lucha Underground columns while watching mediocre sci-fi satires.
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