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5 Wrestling Moves The World Could Do Without
A Moment We Love
A Moment We Hate
The piledriver, the powerbomb, and the clothesline. They all three have something in common. They will not be discussed on this list. Few of us can forget the famed piledriver of as he dropped Andy Kauffman. We still envision Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka as he flew from the top of the cage at Jerry Lawler Madison Square Garden. Most true fans still get excited when Hulk Hogan drops the leg drop. These moves will no doubt go down in wrestling history and will be cherished by fans for many years to come. They have earned their place among the elite moves of wrestling royalty.
Sadly some moves are a bit less memorable, or maybe less worth while would be a better term to use. These moves are the moves that won't go down in wrestling history at all, in fact we have been trying to flush them down the toilet of wrestling mediocrity and they keep coming back. (Hear the crowd chanting nugget, cause I do!) Some are so bad that one might think a screw driver to the frontal lobe might get the job done but that would be wrong. They are to bad to be forgotten that easily.
Let's look at 5 of these moves that make you want to turn the channel to a ping pong game or even watch Sex in the City.
For the record I love wrestling and these wrestlers. This is all in fun so please do not take anything I say here to seriously.
As if Santino Marella were not goofy enough. His thick accent and bushy unibrow put him right there with wrestling greats like George the Animal Steele and the Bushwackers. He will forever be enshrined as a comedic jester of professional wrestling. Santino's finisher is as intimidating as Kelly Kelly challenging Mark Henry and Big Vis to an eat off. Calling it a finisher is like calling McDonalds gourmet.
Don't get me wrong. Santino is a fine wrestler and a great mic worker. Hiss character is unique, well unless you are familiar with Norman and Eugene. It seems he always relies on these comedic twist to accomplish a win in the ring. These twist generally lead to the moment were his patented cobra comes out to bite. (If you can call a mild slap in the chest a bite.)
If I had to sum up the cobra I would call it something like Larry the Cable Guys character of Donnie, you remember the 8 pound water head, trying to do the robot to the sounds of a golf ball be blended. It fails on all attempts at being even the least bit impressive. Hell, an eye poke would at least hurt and cause some mild inconvenience.
What really insults me is when guys twice his size go down from the cobra and stay down. I could not live with myself if I got pinned by such a stupid move. Basically it is the equivalent of being lightly poked by a furry version of the Keebler Elf!
RVD, RVD, what the hell were you thinking!!! All the talent in the world and one of the most impressive move list of any star in today's wrestling world and you throw this out at us. This looks like something he learned when he was in the day care gym flopping around on mats and trying to swindle another chocolate chip cookie before the teacher lady could catch him. RVD is such an impressive athlete and maybe this move is supposed to demonstrate that ability but really it more or less demonstrates that RVD was a little lazy when he tried to come up with a breath taking high flying move!
He flip flops across the ring and then falls on his opponent. It basically is a swanton on crack, but the crack wasn't grade A stuff so it kinda fizzled when it should have kicked. I could understand a less athletic individual pulling this off and being darn well proud of their self, but this is RVD, Mr. Monday Night himself. Maybe the Sandman whacked him a little to hard the last time they wrestled and the result was this move being looked at as cool.
RVD often gets the crowd in rants of 420, the supposed drug holiday. Maybe he had a few 420s and this move was the brain child of a few nights in the wonderful world of paranoia and hunger! Don't get me wrong the cat makes the move look good but at the same time it just seems like a cop out to something more impressive. Maybe it is just the other moves that round out the ECW star's arsenal are so much more impressive that by comparison this one kind of just doesn't do it.
The 5 Knuckle Shuffle
Yep, I am gonna rag on John Cena. First off what is this peek a boo crap. You can't see me. Yeah, we can you are right there waving your hand in your face like you smelled Mark Henry's jock strap! No question that Cena is one of the hottest rising stars in wrestling today. He is the very picture of the WWE attitude.
This move looks like Cena was ready to do a real move and forgot what he was doing so he punches the person in the mush. With moves like blue thunder, the FU and the STFU, Cena has an arsenal to get the job done, but than he does this and you start to question if his faculties are all in working order.
This move starts with Cena looking into the face of a downed opponent and then calling him blind, what, you don't agree? He screams "you can't see me" while waving his hand across his own face. Then he hits the ropes, stops right above the person, and brushes his shoulder off. This kind of made me think of my cousin Mary. One time we had a picnic and ants got on her and she did the same thing. True story! Next Cena drops a punch on the opponents face.
I mean come on, what are we supposed to get from this move, other than a feeling of disappointment and regret. Cena than gets up and does the face thing again now telling us, the viewer that we can't see him. I often wonder if John Cena is an ostrich and he assumes that by shielding his own eyes we can not see him. Maybe this would work to if he wasn't so charismatic. I like Cena, I think he is a good wrestler and a mic master, but this move needs to go out as much as the repeating of the NWO gimmick in every promotion known to man.
Why is a washed up dance move from the 80s appearing in a wrestling ring? Why, because Scotty Too Hotty had been hitting the cough syrup a little to hard one day!!! It has no resemblance to a wrestling move what so ever. I am a Scotty Too Hotty fan and think he and Brian Christopher were one of the finest young teams to ever hit the wrestling circuit. His ability in the ring was so flamboyant and creative and his love of the fans was just unmatched.
Scotty had a lot going for him with his crazy hair and typical white boy dance moves. He made wrestling fun again. He had it all except a finisher that didn't suck!
The worm begins with Scotty sticking his arms out like a child playing aeroplane and hopping around on one foot. The first time I saw this I assumed he had something in his boot. Than he drops down and does the ever popular worm dance move inching ever so close to his opponent. As he comes back to his feet he does a slower version of Carlton's dance from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, while spelling the word worm, which for some wrestling fans who really enjoyed this move was quite the accomplishment. Next he dropped a judy chop, yes I said judy chop. Look at it, there is no way I will insult judo with this move. The judy chop would connect and the opponent would be down for the count. In the time it took to perform this move I actually balanced my check book and walked my dog.
Despite his amazing charisma, and ability he will never be able to overshadow this move.
Well that is odd.
The People's Elbow
What? You thought The Rock was Safe? Not in my world. I have often wondered if The Rock sprung his arm would it be the people's tennis elbow? As if saying roody poo and jibroni drive were not enough to make one question the very mind of The Rock, then he throws this move out at us. Just when The Rock has us raising the eye brow of confusion out comes the Elvis of stupid wrestling move, the people's elbow.
The Rock is an exceptional wrestler. he has in ring presence and his stick work is amazing. He has the Rock bottom, the spine buster and of course he can lay the smacketh down, but the people's elbow just seems like something to give us time to take a rest room break.
I am not saying The Rock is not talented, I am just saying this move might make you question whether or not he is all there in the upstairs departent. Maybe The Rock had a bad experience with some pie and he just could not control his action in the ring and the result was this failed attempt at a really cool set up move. I can imagine Macho Man Randy Savage seeing this move and going "Oh brother, no you gotta go up top and yell oh yeah before you drop it". Than again I can also imagine him yelling how he is better than The Rock in some really bad rap song.
The move begins with Rock pulling off the elbow pad in a slow, almost stripper like way. This really makes you wonder if elbow fetish might be one of the great one's downfalls outside the ring. Than he does this irish jig of a dance move with his arms. Hornswoggle would really like this. And into one set of ropes he goes. On the way back he actually jumps his downed opponent. He should have just telegraphed the move! He hits the other ropes next. Now he stops over the opponent and lifts one leg like a doberman ready to claim a fire hydrant. Next comes the devastating people's elbow, which really was like seeing Ozzy, Kiss, and Metallica open for a local band that can't play their way out of a paper sack. You see all the bells and whistles and it all ends with an elbow drop. Even Mick Foley was more creative than this.