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6 Thoughts You Shouldn't Have While Playing Golf

Updated on January 29, 2012

Every golfer has heard it said hundreds, if not millions, of times already - golf is 90 percent mental. If that is the case then by eliminating ridiculous thoughts, one should be able to shoot scores that make even the pros blush. But, I highly doubt that. Nonetheless, here are six thoughts that shouldn't be thought about at a golf course. Ever.

1. I wonder what I'll be having for dinner tonight?

Not only is this thought completely irrelevant to the game of golf, but if you're one of those who plays in the early mornings, then it is far too early to begin thinking about dinner! Some swing guru once told me that thoughts about food while swinging a golf club lead to chunked shots. I'm joking... but I'm sure you get my drift. There's no point thinking about food when there are four holes, sand pits, and green-protecting moats to maneuver your way through first.

Concentrate, man!

2. Hope that crocodile isn't hungry...

Now, to have this thought while on a golf course generally means two things. The first, you're thinking about food again, which as mentioned above is just unproductive and unnecessary. The second, you're standing way too close to that crocodile! It's already unnerving enough that you're playing on a golf course with crocodile-infested hazards, but to have even had the nerve to retrieve your golf ball anywhere near a crocodile means something is coo-koo upstairs.

3. Wait, was I left-handed or...

If you're having trouble remembering which direction you were swinging the golf club a moment ago - left-handed or right-handed - then there is a serious problem. Perhaps it is time to think about picking up a different hobby. Frisbee, maybe? Something a little less "athletic".

4. Should I ask him for his putter now, or...

If you've forgotten your putter, or really any club for that matter, you shouldn't be playing a round of golf with other people... unless they're good friends of yours. Forgetting your putter just sets you up for that really awkward scene where only your ball is lying on the green (everyone else has putted out) and everyone is left standing, waiting for you to do something and, guess what, you can't do anything! So don't forget your putter. Leaving your 7-iron at home is borderline excusable, but your putter? FORE---get about it.

5. How do I make my rent?

Really, if you're worried about the fact that the green fee you just paid ate into your rent money for the month then you really need to get your priorities straightened. I think I saw a book that helps situations like these - "Life for Dummies" - I think it was called. No offense, though. I mean, I'm no expert or anything but here is an equation that tends to work out nicely in almost all situations: Somewhere to live is (always) greater than nowhere to live.

6. 420 yards to the pin... 9 iron!

No, just no.


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