ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Troubled? Depressed? Tell A Joke!

Updated on September 24, 2017
Golfwellnet profile image

We are a team of authors of best selling golf books and golf humorists.

Don't Take Life Too Seriously

Source

“ALWAYS KEEP A HAPPY ATTITUDE.” - Earl Nightingale

We all know that life can change instantly. Whether you receive great news of success of a project you've been working long and hard at, or whether someone close to you passes away, it can all happen in a moment.

According to the Mayo Clinic, "Laughter is a great form of stress relief, and that's no joke."

The Mayo Clinic Staff says, "Data is mounting about the positive things laughter can do. Laughter stimulates many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain."

Laughter also reduces stress, as it "Activates and relieves your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling," says the Mayo Clinic Staff. If you're down, tell a joke.



Classic John Daly Joke

Source

"John Daly walks into a new bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:

FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!

So John asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender says, “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make her have one and make things right for her.”

John says, “Well, I’ve done some outrageous things in my life, but as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then it gets crazier from there.”

Well, as time goes on John drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of pepper tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears are now streaming down his face.

Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, and then silence. John staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches were all over his body.

“Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”



A Good Laugh is Always Memorable

Source

If You're Having a Bad Round of Golf, Have a Laugh and Relax

In the words of Arthur Daley, "Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you take it seriously, it will break your heart."

Taking golf too seriously may lead to disaster on the course as well as business relationships.

Relaxation is important. As, comedian Bill Murray has said many times, "The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself."



Source

Surround Yourself With Humor and Positive People

Did you hit a bad shot and lose the ball? A lost ball penalty is one stroke and distance, i.e. you have to go back and hit it again. You've got 5 minutes under the Rules of Golf to find a lost ball.

Here's a joke you can tell when you're searching for your ball or a friend's golf ball.

An American hiker is trekking in a remote area of China near the Mongolian border way out in the mountain wilderness.The hiker becomes hopelessly lost. He wanders aimlessly for days eating anything he could forage and he's reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.


One afternoon the golfer staggers up to an old home in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and there's nothing else around. he sees smoke coming out of the chimney.

He knocks on the door and a very small and very old Chinese man answers, with a gray beard almost down to the ground. The old man says, "What do you want?"

The hiker says "I've been wandering for days and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. Kind sir, I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot touch my granddaughter."

The hiker, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise, I promise, I won't cause you any trouble. Can you show me how to get back and I'll be on my way tomorrow morning."

The old man squints at him and says, "Okay, but if I catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"Okay, Okay," said the weary man and staggers into the house thinking to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, he comes down to eat after a hot bath, and meets the beautiful granddaughter. She was the most beautiful Chinese woman he had ever seen. Before he’d been lost for days, he had many months without companionship. And the young woman was eager for a young man and they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other.

That night, the man snuck into the woman’s bedroom and they had a great time, but kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a small sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 50 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself and he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be retrieved, jumped out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

You and your golf friends may not find the lost ball after five minutes by your friends will remember you. And, remember to vary you voice and use a Chinese accent when you need to. Build up your animation and exaggerations as you near the end of this joke.

Source

Any Client will remember a good joke more than a bad round of golf.

If you're playing golf with a client and he's having a bad golf round tell him a joke or story to get his mind off things. David Feherty told a great story about Phil Mickleson,

“Phil is brilliant, but he’s nuts. There’s something not quite right about that boy. Phil is watching a movie that only Phil can see.

"His mother told me, ‘Phil was so clumsy as a little boy, we had to put a football helmet on him until he was 4 because he kept bumping into things.’

"I told her, ‘Mary, Mary, I’m a writer, you can’t keep handing me material like this.’

"So the next time I saw Phil I said, ‘You didn’t really wear a football helmet in the house until you were 4, did you?” He said, ‘It was more like 5.’”




Five Benefits of Laughter

Of course, everyone has their own sense of humor, but here are seven benefits when you let out a laugh:

1. Lowers your blood pressure.

2. Reduces harmful hormones caused by stress.

3. Laughter makes your abdominal muscles expand and contract. A good belly laugh helps you strengthen your abs.

4. Good for your heart as it makes your heart beat faster and you burn more calories.
5. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins which help ease body pains and makes you feel good and gives you a sense of well-being.

Smile When Your Down. Here's One of You Tube's Most Viewed Funnies

© 2016 Team Golfwell

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Golfwellnet profile imageAUTHOR

      Team Golfwell 

      2 years ago from New Zealand

      This book is hilarious!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)