Bass Fishing: One Of America's Best Mysteries
A Look At Professional Bass Fishing
Okay, So I Am Now 65
and I can tell you with complete assurance, that I am not any smarter now than when I graduated in (Hamilton High School) in May 1972. If I linger here too long, I will cry due to the sadness that I felt each day for not understanding a majority of the things that we were forced to study. Example: at any of my job interviews, I was never asked to recite Chaucer in order to get hired for a job. Do you know what I am talking about?
Life goes on with or without you, so we might as well enjoy the trip of life because not any of us are ever promised the blessing of tomorrow. But today, I am not talking in the philosophical sense, but in the natural sense, where we live in the real world. And if you stop and think, when you hear the term, Real World, fear grips my heart and sweat forms on my neck because like none of us being promised tomorrow, the same can be said about not one thing is for sure when the sun rises in the east tomorrow morning.
I can tell you that I could have made, many years ago, a list of "Things That I Never Understood," and it would have been a long list--and very much appreciated right now as I write this very hub. Ahhh, the wonder of it all. "If," such a small and yet, explosive word, I needed information for this piece, all that would have to do is consult my long list of things that I told you about in the first sentence of this paragraph.
Okay, So I Will Toss You
a few of the things that (today) and for many years, DO NOT understand. I'm sure that if the highly-intellectual minds of the world were to convene right here, in my living room, they would have this list of nagging things that I could never understand, but they would have the answer before their coffee grew cold enough to drink. So I will just be patient and be as happy as I can, because I cannot do anything but my best.
Back to the few things that I do not understand, nor see into, that I promised. Here they are:
- Do other rattlesnakes always rattle when their mates, and children draw near their den?
- Do rattlers cry when they see a pair of rattlensake boots because they see one of their cousins in the fabric of the boot?
- Car salesmen must be really dumb because even if they go with the potential car buyer and he decides to steal the car, what good is the car thief to give the salesman a free ride?
- (In days past) when we visited the U.S. Post Office, and had to use one of those black pens chained to the counter in the lobby, why did the sign on the counter read . . ."$500-Dollar Penalty For Theft of This Pen?" I could ask another question here, but choose not to.
- I do not understand mice. Especially when a grown man and woman spies a mouse who is only seeking food on the floor, then what makes the woman and man shriek with fear and the woman stands on a chair?
Enough of that. I would like to continue, but at my age, severe headaches are easy to hit me. So I will venture on to the Main Topic . . .
Did You Ever Watch One Of Those
professional Bass Fishing programs on your local cable system? Some of the programs had true professionals such as: Roland Martin and Bill Dance, who sold time for their various items that they use on a Bass Tour and make out like a bandit at day's end. I have to admit that I have sat through a few of these shows, but stayed for the last of the shows due to Martin and Dance would sometimes show the mistakes that were made in making the show. (I could do that, make a film of my daily life and put it on a social website, but I would have to have a few of the national sponsors in order for me to pull down some big bread.)
Okay. And it doesn't have to be Martin or Dance doing the Bass fishing, but maybe, a "Jimmy Lee Bubba," age 27, high school graduate, dropped-out of junior college, married his sweetheart five years ago, and now he has "Bass Fever," every since he accidentally watched a Professional Bass Program and as he watched it . . .something clicked! (Pardon the pun) but Bubba was hooked. He instantly had loads of secret plans to save enough money in order to buy himself a professional bass boat. Not a used one, because "used" wouldn't do. Only the brand-new.
So "Bubba" kept quiet about his going into going Bass fishing and he even told his best friend, "Joe D. Parker," another regular guy who was pretty much like "Bubba," but he was a bachelor, but dated a hot brunette who worked at a place called, "The Suds 'N Blondes," and helped "Parker" to make the bills. "Parker" was not that ambitious. He recalls the very day, a month ago, when "Bubba," approached him about teaming-up to hit the lakes to go Bass fishing, and as "Bubba" explained, "Son, this will be big fun! No wife or girlfriend! No bills to pay! Just fill our coolers and bait our hooks and haul in some of those 'hogs', oh yeah, you don't know about 'hogs,' "Parker," I call them Bass!"
So The Day Finally Came When
"Bubba" and "Parker," both worked-up the nerve to tell their female companions that it was time for them to hit a nearby lake because there was Bass to be caught, beer to drink, and fun to be had. I must ask right here: isn't this THE main objective of most weekend-fishermen? Just saying.
Two guys left early, around 5 a.m., hardly anything was moving on this foggy Saturday morning leaving "Kathy Dee Bubba," "Jimmy Lee's" gorgeous wife who was fast-asleep and thanking God that she had the entire day to herself. But "Parker's" lovely "Brunette Bombshell," "Vicky Lance," was not happy about her man going off with "Parker," because she knew that he was not that bright--especially when it came to serious decision-making on how to drive their boat, buy the right bait, that sorta stuff. But she smiled and waved at "Parker," and she too, went back to bed.
Upon launching their bass boat, which "Bubba's" high school buddy, "Clark Weston," (wouldn't you know it?) financed his Bass boat and made the monthly-payments as low as humanly-possible. What are buddies for? The fog had burned off as "Bubba" and "Parker," were going wide-open hoping to hit the deepest part of the lake so they could "clean-up," (no pun intended) as they would, as they said, haul in several pounds of Bass, both Small and Large Mouth.
The morning moved as slow as an elderly turtle as "Bubba" and "Parker," began casting their lines out and would bring the lines in with an expertly-designed reel that "Bubba" had made arrangements to pay his "Uncle Delbert," a retired Navy machinist, for designing his reel. "Parker," wasn't so fortunate. He had to rely on a local department store's sporting goods department "Bargain Of The Week" which was his rod and reel get-up and although he was out $56.89, he loved the way that it felt in his hands.
By 11:45 a.m., "Parker" and "Bubba" had the same thought: pulling the cap from one of their cold one's and just relax for a bit. Both tore off their bottles of cold beer, sipped and laughed for about ten minutes. And made more plans for what they would tell their companions upon arriving home--guys with a few beers in their stomachs, are apt to brag about anything that comes into their minds. So Bass Fishing was the main thinking for our two hero's.
Then Finally Their Moment
came. "Bubba" and "Parker," had run into a bed of Bass and both of the inexperienced fishermen could haul in one fish until another one was on their hooks and they were having a ball. Both guys, popped more beer bottle tops and drank while they brought in several pounds of Bass Beauties and the two though that they were reborn professional bass fishermen.
That was . . .until early evening's shadows began to consume the lake while "Parker" and "Bubba's" beer buzz had subsided. Now came the part of THIS story that even now, I cannot fathom what the two good ol' boys were told to do by the experts who knew Bass Fishing and they were not about to stray from the rules of success.
One by one, "Parker" and "Bubba," almost cried as they tossed every single Bass that they had landed. Oh, the Bass were still alive because "Parker" and "Bubba," had the good sense to put the fish into a Live Well that came with the Bass boat.
So now, their first Bass Fishing trip was over. But the two good buddies, "Parker" and "Bubba," were happy with themselves--high fiving each other in celebration of the fact that they had scored in the sport of Bass Fishing.
Now comes the next event that CANNOT be understood. So "Parker" and "Bubba," well, "Bubba," because he felt instantly-depressed at experiencing the end-result of releasing their 30 + pounds of Bass that they had worked in catching. Now "Parker" sensed what his pal, "Bubba" was feeling and now he felt depressed.
If you have kept-up with this story, and you had a background in Economics, then you must have arrived at one tragic moment at the Catch and Release Rule. I did years ago and in 2019, I am still bothered by this senseless rule. "Parker" and "Bubba," you see, went into halves in buying the Bass boat, a good one, and promised to pay the bank $$35,000.00 (including interest) for the boat; "Parker," traded his car for a used truck in order to pull the boat, but the trade cost him $1,243.78, in order to drive the truck away. Plus the two ol' boys had to fork-out another $45.00 each for licenses and permits to fish on the lake that they had chosen.
Plus the incidentals like gasoline for "Parker's" truck, that cost him $45.00 for a full tank and another $53.00 for having to fill the Bass boat's gas tank and you throw in the beer and coolers, that set them back $120.00 + tax, so all in all and to round-off the very first Bass outing for "Parker" and "Bubba," $66,000.76, more or less. Then "Bubba" looked at "Parker," and said . . .
"We paid all of this cash to buy a Bass boat, and you a truck, plus gas for the truck and boat, plus our beer, coolers, licenses and permits only to have the fun of catching Bass all day long . . .only to set them FREE. So what did we gain, "Parker?"
That question, along with mine, will stay on the "List of Things That I Do Not Understand."
June 13, 2019______________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery