CMLL Puebla Preview: Between Angels and Dragons
As I told the cat I’m watching this morning as I fed her, this Monday’s CMLL Puebla is a one match show. Granted I was using Batman and Robin lines out of context in preparation for my next party (which probably explains why my last party was four years ago), but it’s true! After two straight strong shows Tuesday and Friday night Paco Alonso is packing it in this Monday, with a card full of uninspiring dreck the likes of which not even the Ben-Hur remake has seen. And yet there’s a light over at the Frankenstein place in the form of the semi-main event, a CMLL World Middleweight Championship match that may in fact make this show worth sitting through. But first we must work through the bad, and if I had to do it so shall you! Moses, take us down to the meme city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. TAKE! ME! HOME YEAH YEAH…let’s pretend that didn’t happen okay?
Astro & Centella Roja vs. Mini Joker & Saurón
What to Expect: This match looks to be the reason the snooze button was invented. Seriously; the only nice thing I can say about this match is maybe Mini Joker might be good and I’ll get to crack a shit ton of Lord of the Rings jokes in the review. Otherwise skip this and hope Máscara Dorada is working RAW, or watch and hope this match only goes for ten minutes or so. Way to ruin that Batman/Lord of the Rings crossover CMLL!
Winners: Easiest pick in history, for who would dare pick against Batman’s greatest foe and the Dark Lord who forged the one ring to rule them all? Joker and Saurón take it, followed by a new luchador named Gandalf debuting to challenge them to a Mt. Doom match afterwards. What’s a Mt. Doom match? Like I’m going to spoil that for you now!
Flyer & Star Jr. vs. Ares and Fuerza Chicana
What to Expect: A really good technicos team goes up against a really, REALLY mediocre rudo team in this one. I’d like to say the good outweighs the bad, but seeing as poor Star Jr. could do next to nothing with Cancerbero and Raziel this past Friday I’m not optimistic. Thankfully he does have Flyer this time and the two have proven to work well together when paired up in the past. If they get the bulk of the offense and are actually allowed to do some things out of the box then at least there will be some exciting moments. Sadly that’s still the best we can hope for considering how underwhelming Ares and Chicana generally are.
Winners: Flyer and Star Jr. is the result every dentist recommends (including the one who doesn’t recommend Trident), which naturally leads me to assume that the rudos will win en route to sending me into rage. I’m going to resist the negativity though and say the technicos win, if only because I need to remember what hope is prior to the next match.
Arkalis, Black Tiger, Rey Samuray vs. Arkángel de la Muerte, Metálico, Nitro
What to Expect: Remember how it wasn’t too long ago CMLL booked a trios feud between Los Infiernos and that Ripper/Olímpico/Kráneo group and everyone hated it? This match is way worse. It’s going from wrong to wronger, Scary Movie to Scary Movie 2, Vince Russo to Kevin Sullivan if you will! I’m not sure there’s anything about this match that gets me excited, aside from Metálico’s entrance. And seeing as we’re in Puebla it’s likely that entrance will be feature the worst example of neutering since Sid Sheinberg decided to create the “Love Conquers All” cut of Brazil.
Alright I’ll stop with the comparisons. The point is that this match will not be fun folks. The only technico of any interest is Black Tiger, and while he’s solid in the ring he has the charisma of the Log Lady’s log. Fuck that’s probably an insult to the log right there! And while Metálico is always a hoot, he’s not capable of saving this match all by himself. No one can. This is a contest that will not just be bad, it will be boring. In fact it’ll be so boring they’ll have to come up with another word for it. The only reason I’m not falling asleep talking right now is because I’m cracking mean spirited jokes about it! Seriously I’ll stop now. But not before I tell you to maybe hit the snooze button again when this match comes on.
Winners: In the words of CM Punk, nobody; we’re all losers. But I suppose the rudos will lose less as they take this one in three long, painful falls.
Esfinge, Stigma, Titán vs. Bobby Z, Misterioso Jr., Okumura
What to Expect: How sad is it that it’s not till match four on this card that we have a chance at an honest to Cthulhu good match? I’m frankly not sure it’ll be a good match still but at worst it’ll be average and that’s far better than anything else on this card to this point barring Flyer and Star Jr. going nuts. People may have issues with Esfinge and Misterioso, but even on their worst day they’re okay and the rest of the guys here range from good if inconsistent (Stigma) to excellent (Titán, Bobby Z, Okumura). That’s enough pieces to make this match work and thus it’ll work to some degree. The only thing I’ll say is we better get that gorgeous Titán moonsault during this match. The people want the moonsault; THE PEOPLE NEED THE MOONSAULT!
Winners: The technicos take it with Titán getting the win.
CMLL World Middleweight Championship Match
Dragón Rojo Jr. (c) vs. Ángel de Oro
What to Expect: I’ve said many things about the card leading up to this match and one way or another I’ll probably have more to say after it’s all over. But regardless of how the first four matches and the main event play out, this is going to be the match that makes or breaks whether it’s worth tuning into the show Monday night. Personally I think this match has a chance to be great; it all just hinges on Ángel de Oro. One way or another you can count on Dragón Rojo Jr. He’s an elite, consistent performer capable of doing special things in the ring, as shown by his sequences with Máscara Dorada this past Friday. He’ll be ready; will his opponent? No one’s going to ever accuse Ángel de Oro of being a mediocre talent, but his one big singles match this year, where he lost the CMLL World Light Heavyweight Championship to La Máscara, was wildly disappointing. At the time we all thought it was Máscara’s fault and maybe it was, but that’s harder to prove now that Máscara has been wrestling at a high level these past few months. It goes without saying that Oro has to be better this time around then he was months ago, and I’m hopeful that’s the case. Rojo is so good that I can’t see him letting this match be anything less than entertaining. But if Oro can keep up with him and give an inspired performance than this could be a show saving match. Please guys, make this a show saving match!
Winner: Something that’s really going to help this match is the unpredictability of the result. Dragón Rojo Jr. will have been CMLL World Middleweight Champion over 1,770 days (4 years and 10 months) when he defends this title, the longest reign in the history of the belt (and one of the longest reigns in lucha libre history). It’s mightily impressive, but even the longest CMLL title reigns don’t last forever and this one seems like it should end sooner than later. Furthermore an Ángel de Oro win wouldn’t disrupt the CMLL Universal Championship picture, making it safe for CMLL to do a title change if they so chose. Will they? I can see it and I wouldn’t blame someone for making the pick, but for the life of me I just cannot see Ángel de Oro being the guy to beat Rojo. Maybe I’m wrong (and considering my history at predicting title matches I probably am) but I think the longest reigns goes a little longer, with Dragón Rojo Jr. winning in three falls to retain that Middleweight Title.
Marco Corleone, Pierroth, Rush vs. Euforia, Máximo Sexy, Último Guerrero
What to Expect: This will be what every expected last Tuesday’s main event to be following the Titán-Mephisto match. That’s good for two reasons. One, Pierroth is involved and while he hasn’t been a complete embarrassment the last few times out it’s only a matter of time before that streak ends and we’re all acting out the tears in rain part of the “tears in rain” soliloquy.
The second reason is that this match rightfully looks like it’s leading to something bigger and better in the form of Rush vs. UG. I could be mistaken again but it definitely seemed like that was the direction CMLL wanted to take last week after it became clear Escorpión was out the door, and if it is then it makes all the sense in the world for them to keep this short and sweet to set up the big match next week. I expect that and after the semi-main event there should be no complaints. At least we should get a few Máximo-Marco sequences and Euforia being a bad ass technico yet again. Seriously CMLL, when are you going to turn Euforia? The man is a breakout technico waiting to happen! Put him with his son, have them take on Negro and Shocker and watch the money flow in.
Winners: Technicos win via DQ after Rush fouls UG, UG challenges Rush, Rush accepts. Thank you and please drive home safe.
We’re good to go boys and girls. I’ll be back tomorrow with a review of this show (if it doesn’t kill me prior to the semi-main) and a preview of an equally uninspiring Tuesday show. Till next time, this!