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CMLL Super Viernes Review: Chino Hates Thunder

Updated on January 29, 2016

Alright, so I didn’t have anything planned for writing tonight after the Lucha Underground F.C. column. And hey, why would I; that was a brilliant idea (that I got thanks to Matt Mortensen. I have your back bro) that was so well executed I deserved a breather. Alas, after watching CMLL’s Super Viernes show tonight, I sat back and said to myself; this show needs to be documented. I can see you all shivering with antici…pation right now. Does that mean the show was bonkers good? Does that mean the show was bonkers bad? If I’m being real (and I always am) this show was bonkers just kind of there. I know, letdown. Why am I writing this again? Oh yeah, because I love lucha libre and had nothing else to do while watching Happy Endings. And so it all begins again. ON WITH THE SHOW!

Arkangel de la Muerte and Cancerbero defeat Hombre Bala Jr. and Super Falcon Jr. two falls to one

Readers, I have read the odyssey; I have watched The Ten Commandments all the way through; hell I’ve even see a grown man satisfy a camel (just kidding. Or am I?!). None of those things were as long as this match was. My goodness, what ended up a nineteen minute match felt like a ten hour trip to Disney World from hell. I don’t like saying that; all four guys tried and there were points where the match came off well (mostly when Bala and Arkangel squared off). But goodness gracious me, this match felt like an eternity, and not in a good way. Even Bill Walton and his intergalactic levels of positivity would’ve been bored.

The face Bill Walton makes when he can no longer taste colors and feel sounds
The face Bill Walton makes when he can no longer taste colors and feel sounds

Puma, Tiger and Virus defeat Fuego, The Panther and Triton two falls to one

You know how the opener was too long? This match was too short. Swap the amount of time given to the opener and this match and everyone is happy. Well, not the great Super Hoody, but he’s never happy. I thought overall everyone did a bang up job here, especially Fuego, who really seemed to get the crowd going after a slow start. Unfortunately, these guys need five more minutes than they actually got. Then again, Puma and Tiger probably aren’t complaining considering latter events of the evening. Dammit I’ve said too much!

Guerrero Maya Jr., Titan and Valiente defeat Ephesto, Luciferno and Pierroth two falls to one

I’ll be honest; I may have fallen asleep during this one because I don’t really recall any of it. What an unfortunate waste. I’m going to echo Rob Viper’s sentiments during this show in wondering why CMLL, when they have so many talented performers, chooses to roll out mediocre guys so often. This match is a prime example with that; Ephesto and Luciferno are fine in the right situation, but no one will ever consider them top level talent. And don’t get me started on Pierroth, who was so bad tonight I’d rather hang out with Sean Penn then ever watch him wrestle again. And I hate Sean Penn with the fire of a thousand suns.

Gran Guerrero, Niebla Roja and Mephisto defeat Dragon Rojo Jr., Kraneo and Polvara two falls to one

At the risk of sounding like a mark that has no idea what he’s talking about, let me say the following; I enjoyed this match. That’s right, I enjoyed it. TAKE COVER ERIC! In all seriousness, I didn’t really find anything at fault here. Was it a perfect match by any means? Goodness no, and it’s pretty clear than any heat that may have existed between Los Guerreros and Los Revolucionarios is colder than Mr. Freeze’s heart in Batman and Robin. That said, Kraneo and his little sidekick Mije are always entertaining and there were enough cool spots here and there to keep things interesting. Not a great match, but not a terrible match in the slightest.

Thunder defeated Euforia two falls to none

This match was supposed to be the worst match of the night and it didn’t disappoint. The plot twist though; it wasn’t Thunder’s fault. In fact, dare I say Thunder was, gulp, good?!

Let’s get real here guys; I’m not saying that Thunder suddenly turned into Negro Casas in his prime during this match, nor am I saying he’s suddenly become even a passable wrestler. But for this one match, he wasn’t that bad. He gave a great effort by his standards, he actually made Euforia look decent and DID YOU SEE THAT RUNNING SENTON TO THE OUTSIDE?! Not only did Thunder actually attempt that, it might’ve been the best I’ve seen that move done by someone not named Dragon Lee. Astounding.

So the question then becomes this; if Thunder and Euforia were passable, how did the match end up an Armageddon style catastrophe? Simply put, the ref went and screwed up. For whatever reason, Terror Chino (yes, that’s the ref’s name for you CMLL newbies) decided to count a one, two, three on Euforia after Thunder hit a Northern Lights Suplex, despite the fact that Euforia clearly had his shoulders up. It was such a blatant screw up that Thunder, not exactly the most calm dude in the history of the western hemisphere, actually chewed out Chino in the ring and pretty much had to be begged into having his hand raised in the end. What a train wreck on Chino’s end there and what a shame for Thunder and Euforia who were giving a better than expected performance than we all thought. Yes, maybe it doesn’t hold up if the match goes to the third fall like it should’ve, but they at least deserved the shot. I haven’t been this disappointed in a Chino since they let Ryan Atwood into the OC. And with that, my nerd credentials have thus been revoked.

Cavernario, Negro Casas and Ultimo Guerrero defeat Dragon Lee, Mistico and Volador Jr. two falls to one

By a vast margin this was the best match of the night, and while I wouldn’t go as far to say it saved the show from being a colossal train wreck, it did at least remove the bad taste left from Chino’s boner. Everyone here was on their game; Guerrero did his submission stuff, Cavernario (who I’m not really familiar with) looked crisp, especially when he hit an awesome dropkick on Dragon Lee while Lee was airborne, Negro Casas was the GOAT (as per usual), Volador looked like a bad ass and Mistico and Dragon Lee were off the charts good. I haven’t really been impressed with Mistico II (though I had heard he killed it while touring Japan for FantasticaMania), but he really showed some flashes here with a good performance. More important than the match however was the ending, which saw Puma and Tiger interfere to give Casas the pinfall victory on Volador, continuing their little feud and setting up Puma and Tiger as players. Most excellent! Can you imagine matches where Negro, Puma and Tiger (all related by the way) take on Volador, Mistico and Dragon Lee? Damn you CMLL; just when we’re out, you pull us back in. Looking forward to next week!

And that’s a wrap! I’ll see you tomorrow dudes and dudettes. Till then, how about something to haunt your dreams this evening?!

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