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CMLL Tuesday: Land of Confusion

Updated on February 14, 2017

Say one thing about CMLL; they always find a way to make things interesting for better or worse. Tonight’s Tuesday show looked like the dullest thing to happen to the history of the western hemisphere since Doug Liman decided “I am going to sign Hayden Christensen to be the lead in Jumper.” Instead the show turned out to be surprisingly lively; unfortunately it was mostly for the wrong reasons. Save for a very strong third match that is well worth your time, this show was about terrible rudo performances, good performances being let down by mediocrity and a decision in the main event that was so baffling I still can’t get over it. Needless to say, this was no CMLL Puebla show. Let me show you what I mean. Moses, just meme it!

Shockercito & Último Dragóncito defeated Pequeño Nitro & Pequeño Olímpico two falls to one

All due respect to the four guys involved here but I couldn’t find it in myself to give one single solitary fuck about this match. It was that uninteresting. The wrestling itself wasn’t horrible (save for a sequence that Shockercito saved by the skin of his teeth) but at this point the action has to be better than “not horrible” in the opener to really capture my interest. There have been worse openers in the history of CMLL, but I’m not sure there’s been one more aggressively dull. Substance, thy name is not Shockercito/Último Dragóncito vs. Pequeño Nitro/Pequeño Olímpico.

Grako, Raziel, Sangre Azteca defeated Magia Blanca, Marvel, Sangre Imperial two falls to one

There were two sides to this match. The first, and most notable, was the raging mediocrity between four of the luchadors. I didn’t know who Marvel was going into this match and now I wish it had stayed that way; if he had been any more useless I would’ve thought it was Uwe Boll under the mask. Grako and Sangre Imperial did some cool things when I wasn’t forgetting their existence, which was pretty much every other minute. And holy shit was Sangre Azteca bad in this match. He was unmotivated, uninterested and at times seemed to be deliberately trying to sabotage the match. It was so Arkángel de la Muerte of him. Only Raziel acquitted himself well out of this group, and even then all he did was his usual Raziel spots. Hey, maybe he’s happy being the least shitty of the shitty dudes in this match.

I'm not sure why, but this perfectly sums up Raziel's performance for me tonight
I'm not sure why, but this perfectly sums up Raziel's performance for me tonight

The other side to this bout was Magia Blanca, who it turns out is really, REALLY good. How good is he; how about the fact that he almost singlehandedly made this match passable. It didn’t quite make it there because he didn’t get enough time (never mind the fact that his team predictably lost) but gorramit did he try, busting out a sweet tornillo, a few other Aerostar/Máscara Dorada like moves and whole lot of pace. I already knew the dude was skilled, but he had either been stifled or hidden in all his CMLL work thus far. This match really showed what he can do, and if CMLL’s smart they’ll be taking him out of these no win scenarios and putting him in with the Drone/Soberano/Star Jr. group before long. That’ll do him far more good than watching careers end at the hands of Grump Old Luchadors.

Soberano Jr., Star Jr., Stigma defeated Okumura, Skándalo, Virus two falls to one

Easily the best match of the night, and it probably would’ve been even if it wasn’t really good. It was basically a smaller version of the cibernetico we got in Arena Puebla last night, with Virus carrying the load for the rudos and all three technicos jumping off the screen. I was very impressed with Stigma once again; he didn’t show as much as he did last night but he just seems really comfortable in there with Soberano and Star Jr., as most other young technicos do. Even with his good work he still played third wheel to his more explosive partners; Soberano in particular was excellent tonight, jumping over guys to dive to the floor, meshing well with Virus and ultimately getting the surprise win by submitting Virus. That’s right; twenty something Soberano defeated forty something Virus on a Tuesday show with a submission hold. If not for the main event this would’ve been the weirdest occurrence of the night, which is hilarious considering the young guys going over the old guys is exactly the right call to make. Only in CMLL can the right call be a weird occurrence! Weird or not, it was a good result to a really good match. It also could open the door for a potential Soberano-Virus feud eventually; they’ve worked great together the last two nights and Virus seems like the perfect opponent for a young Soberano to have a decent feud against.

Lightning Match

Pegasso defeated Disturbio

Exactly what everyone expected it to be; an okay Lightning Match with Disturbio controlling the action, Pegasso getting a couple big spots in and then stealing the victory around the six minute mark. The problem here was that the match needed a better technico. Disturbio was really good here, working hard, doing a few things he doesn’t do on the regular and overall carrying the action most of the way. He just didn’t have the exciting technico to work with, all due respect to Pegasso. Switch him out for Tritón (as I suggested in my preview), Drone or any other luchador and you’ve got a winner on your hands. Instead you got exactly what you expected, which I guess is better than some of the other stuff on this show.

Rey Bucanero, Terrible, Vangellys defeated Ángel de Oro, Johnny Idol, Rey Cometa two falls to one

Another match that was, unfortunately, exactly what I expected. To their credit, Ángel de Oro was trying more than usual; Johnny Idol looked good and Terrible was Terrible. Beyond that this match was as by the numbers as it comes, made worse by the fact that Rey Cometa (the most talented guy in this match) had little to do and the worst guy in this match (Vangellys) was downright terrible. What happened to that man? It wasn’t too long ago he seemed to be pretty good; now every time I look around he’s unable to sell clotheslines or move without looking like Skándalo. Some fall from grace huh? Thankfully there wasn’t anything offensive besides him, but there also wasn’t anything to get too excited for either. It’s a shame when you consider the talent involved here is given nothing to do, when less deserving guys are getting chance after chance after chance. Speaking of!

Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto defeated Marco Corleone, Máximo Sexy, Volador Jr. two falls to none

Talk about things going the exact opposite direction you expected. I fully anticipated that this match would be used to give the Volador/Máximo/Marco super team a victory to set up a trios match. Then Ephesto submitted Volador in fall one with a Romero Special. Weird but alright; there’s still two falls to go and they just decided to be creative with that first fall finish. Less than ten minutes later there was Ephesto pinning Máximo, followed by him pinning Volador, followed by him challenging Volador to an NWA World Historic Welterweight Championship match next week and Volador accepting.

I mean…WHAT?! I’ve seen some strange, nonsensical shit from CMLL in the past (this week even) but this one takes the cake. No offense to Ephesto; he has his moments and even at his advanced age he still does a pretty mean suicide dive. But him? Against Volador? In a title match?! While guys like Rey Cometa, Terrible, Soberano and the works have nothing to do? That’s more irritating than an AAA fan crying about Sam Adonis getting publicity for his Donald Trump shtick (yes we get that Brian Cage did it first. Blame AAA’s publicity department for being shit, not a really good performer for rightfully capitalizing on his momentum). I actually do think the Ephesto-Volador match will be halfway decent next week but that doesn’t matter; I can find a halfway decent match anywhere these days. The point is CMLL has numerous chances to get younger, better, more deserving dudes an opportunity like Ephesto’s getting and instead they go back to the same old, dried up well they always do. It’s weird, I don’t understand it and I’m not sure I want to. I suppose in the end though this was a fitting way to close a “meh” night for lucha libre as a whole. Thank Grodd for Máscara Dorada, Magia Blanca, Soberano and Star Jr., right?

And scene. I’m out till tomorrow sports fans; you’ll at least be getting a Lucha Underground rerun running diary from me and perhaps more. The only thing that’s sure about Cult is nothing’s for sure. Till whenever, MOAR GILES!

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