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CMLL Tuesday Preview: Maya-Ephesto
We’re going to make this quick sports fans; I’ve been craving a homemade pizza since midnight last night and with lunchtime fast approaching I’m turning into Daniel “Oz” Osborne when the full moon arrives. Good Grodd I’m not even sure that reference made sense; this what cravings do to you folks. They also do help you get a CMLL preview done early though, like this one for the upcoming Tuesday show that features one of the oddest matches I’ve ever seen put together. What is it? You’ll just have to read further. Let’s get you on that path now. Moses, get the pizza…dammit I meant meme! I’m losing it.
Fantasy & Último Dragóncito vs. Pequeño Olímpico & Pequeño Violencia
What to Expect: It was just one week ago that Pequeño Violencia put forth what might’ve been the worst performance of the year by a luchador, giving no effort and ultimately quitting early in the third fall. How was he rewarded for this behavior; with yet another match this week! Only in CMLL is incompetence like that treated as a badge of honor. The good news; last week’s match was more doomed than Thulsa Doom even without Violencia’s involvement. That’s not to say he can’t bring this match down this week, but it’ll be far more difficult to do with solid performers like Fantasy, Último and even Olímpico involved. It’ll still suck, but it shouldn’t suck nearly as much. I’ll let you decide if that’s a good thing.
Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.
Magia Blanca, Sangre Imperial, Príncipe Diamante vs. Cancerbero, Raziel, Sangre Azteca
What to Expect: The hits just keep on coming for Príncipe Diamante. He’s lost two straight matches coming out of his Bodybuilding Contest win and now is likely to get a third opposite the never losing undercard team of Cancerbero and Raziel. Oh, and the match will probably not be as good because a) Oro Jr. has been replaced by the inadequate Sangre Imperial and b) there’s little to no chance Raziel and Cancerbero try hard at all. And why would you? It’s a shame because if they did this match could still be something considering Magia Blanca and Príncipe are decent luchadors themselves. But with everyone knowing this is just leading to nowhere and the recently confident Oro Jr. being replaced by a guy who looks like he should still be getting stretched by Tony Salazar, I’m not expecting much. I guess the battle of the Sangre’s could be exciting though…who am I kidding? The only match up I care less about than Sangre Imperial vs. Sangre Azteca is Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.
Winners: The technicos should win, which means Raziel is destroying their hopes and dreams with a devastating finisher in the third fall. Memo to all future CMLL Bodybuilding Contestants; run as far away from it as you can. All that’s waiting is a career the equivalent of the 2016 Los Angeles Rams.
Blue Panther Jr., Pegasso, The Panther vs. El Cuatrero, Forastero, Sansón
What to Expect: Last week these two teams had one of the better Tuesday matches in recent memory, making it very sensible that CMLL booked it again this week. Of course, this being CMLL, they had to go and neuter it slightly by taking out Drone and replacing him with Pegasso, who is Drone with a shittier costume and the consistency of Ben Kingsley. Don’t think this isn’t a big change; part of the reason last week’s match worked was because Drone went out of his mind with dive after dive after dive. With him gone Pegasso will now be expected to do something similar, and while he’s capable, I can’t see him having the same manic energy that Drone gave last week. As such this match will not be as good, even if it’s still pretty solid. Junior, Panther, Sansón and Cuatrero couldn’t be working better right now if they tried and I expect they’ll do the same regardless of the change. They’ll elevate this match, even if it would’ve been more with someone like Drone, Soberano Jr. or Star Jr. involved.
Winners: The Panthers won last week, so logically speaking this should lead to Los Cientificos and Forastero getting the win back this week. They’ll do so in three falls. It wouldn’t entirely surprise me if a match is set up with this, specifically between Junior and Sansón. Their interactions were sublime last week and there’s little doubt that these two will someday be headlining a big show against each other. Why not give them a practice run now?
Blue Panther, Drone, Fuego vs. Bobby Z, Rey Bucanero, Vangellys
What to Expect: I guess Drone’s reward for last week’s performance is moving up a slot to hang with Panther Sr. and Fuego. I’ll miss him in the last match but I won’t complain here as he adds quite a bit. This won’t be a Match of the Year candidate but it has a lot of pieces that work. Bucanero will be able to stay in his own lane and not extend himself too much, while Bobby Z and Vangellys compliment all three technicos very well. I expect this to at least be good and it could be even better if Drone gets off as much as he did last week.
Winners: Would you believe I haven’t picked the technicos to win a single match yet on this show? That’s Tuesday for you. The trend stops here at least with Senior, Drone and Fuego getting the win in three after Drone and Fuego take out Bobby Z and Vangellys with dives while Senior submits Bucanero with some beautiful concoction of his.
Guerrero Maya Jr. vs. Ephesto
What to Expect: Ladies and gentlemen I have seen Famous B vs. Mascarita Sagrada, I was in attendance for the 2003 Jeff Hardy heel turn; hell I’ve even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel (just kidding. Or am I?). But good Grodd I don’t think I’ll have ever seen something as strange in a wrestling ring as this match. Guerrero Maya Jr. being involved makes sense to me; he’s a top notch performer when given the opportunity and honestly should’ve gotten more singles shots this year. I’m happy he’s getting this match. But Ephesto as his opponent? Ephesto? Really? The deflated tire of Los Infiernos? Warner Brothers could remake Casablanca with Pauly Shore as Rick and I wouldn’t be this confused.
Alas, this is a match that is happening and it’s worth watching just to see how freakin good Guerrero Maya really is. And yes, that’s the way I’m approaching this. Ephesto is what he is at this point of his career; he has a few moments and his suicide dive is actually still really good, but more times than not he’s a mediocre Immortan Joe cosplayer and nothing more. If this match succeeds it will not be because of him. It’ll be up to Maya to get as much out of Ephesto as he can and honestly I can see that leading the match in either direction. It could be a really poor match where Ephesto is so incompetent that Maya is left with his dick in the wind or it could be really good, with Maya bumping, diving and doing all the shit he does to a high enough level that he gets the match over the finish line. I’m rooting for the latter so badly by the way. Maya is an exceptional talent who’s always just needed a spotlight. He’ll have it here; let’s see if he makes the most of it.
Winner: Maya, and I actually feel comfortable picking this one. I don’t know if this is the start of a longer program where Ephesto eventually drops the mask to Maya or if it’s a one off, but either way there’s no force on earth, including CMLL’s booking stupidity that can convince me Maya is losing to Ephesto once. He’ll take the win here in three falls, although the result matters less to me than how Maya is able to get this match to the finish line. A win is nice; a win by making Ephesto’s old ass look good is even better.
Dragón Lee, Stuka Jr., Volador Jr. vs. Hechicero, Luciferno, Mephisto
What to Expect: Your standard “let’s get this over with quick so we can make our reservation” main event, only this will probably be a little longer because Hechicero is involved and he doesn’t do half assed. He’ll do some cool stuff, Dragón Lee will do some cool stuff, Stuka will do some cool stuff, Volador will be in complete coast mode and Mephisto will try to make sure Luciferno doesn’t embarrass himself too badly. It should be some serious fun, and it could get even more ridiculous if CMLL lets Lee and Hechicero go at it. Good Grodd can you imagine those two tangling? I have to use three different pictures to describe how the Internet Lucha Community would react to such beauty.
Winners: Man how great would it be if CMLL used this match to set up Hechicero vs. any of the technicos? They won’t do it, but the fact that they’re all here together entertains the slight possibility they could! Grodd I gotta stop getting my hopes up. In any event the technicos will win, with Luciferno and Mephisto getting pinned by Lee and Volador in the third fall after Stuka does that moonsault of his to Hechicero on the floor. Good times will be had by all.
That’s a wrap girls and boys. I’m off to make pizza, but I shall return later tonight to review CMLL’s show, provided it’s not a colossal waste of my time. Till then, stay warm and bow down to the DUCHOVNY!