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CMLL Puebla Preview: Passing the Time

Updated on January 8, 2017

As you can see, this isn’t the Golden Globes preview I was promising you on Twitter yesterday. Why isn’t it? Turns out that you need a) motivation and b) to be in the flow to get a column done and I lost both of those things right around the Best Miniseries or TV Movie category. The lesson, as always; don’t get distracted by a ton of snow outside. The good news is I should get to a Golden Globes column later; the even better news is that it allows me to move back into lucha libre right now with a CMLL preview. Tomorrow is Monday of course, which means we’re back to Arena Puebla and back towards building to a super cool Carístico-Negro Casas match. There are also other matches that may be good or may not be good. Basically it’s a wrestling show! Let’s break it down. Moses, thou shall now meme!

Centella Roja, Meyer, Millenium vs. Fuerza Chicana, Guerrero Espacial, King Jaguar

What to Expect: Looking at the participants in this match gives me a feeling I haven’t felt since season nine of The X-Files; utter dread and the need to find Fox Mulder. The only times I can see this match being good is when either Millenium or Meyer are in the ring with King Jaguar. Otherwise those two talented technicos are at the mercy of uninterested logs Chicana and Espacial or, even worse, we’re all at the mercy of Centella Roja trying this thing called lucha libre. How that guy is allowed to use Bryan Danielson’s indie theme music is beyond me. Do yourself a favor and skip this match with every ounce of being in you. And if you can’t, well, heed the advice of Jeff Goldblum; hang on, this is gonna be bad.

Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They inexplicably go over the youngsters (and Roja) in three falls. Maybe they can make Roja the captain and he’s the one who gets pinned every time, thus not making Millenium or Meyer look bad.

Astro, Shockercito, Último Dragóncito vs. Espíritu Maligno, Mini Joker, Pequeño Violencia

What to Expect: The exact opposite of the opener. I’m not gonna guarantee this match will be good but it definitely has a shot. All three rudos are at least good, and Mini Joker at his best is pretty damn good. Meanwhile Último Dragóncito has been looking good recently, Shockercito is always good for a few great moves and best of all, this match has CMLL’s best kept secret in Astro. How long have I been raving about this kid now? He’s an exceptional talent to me who’s had moments in even the direst of Puebla trios bouts, and now he may actually have a chance to really strut his stuff. Keep your 7 Up’s close and your eyes on Astro closer during this one. Did I use that quote right?

Winners: Definitely feels like a technico victory here. I’ll say Shockercito submits Violencia in fall three to secure them the match.

Blue Panther Jr., The Panther, Titán vs. Kráneo, Olímpico, Ripper

What to Expect: It’s the second to last match for both Junior and Titán before they head off to Japan. And…well it’s not nearly as good as their last one, I’ll say that. It has the makings of a good match with that sublime technico team (Panther is along for the ride with his bro and Titán), and then just goes completely downhill once Kráneo, Olímpico and Ripper become involved. Worst of all is that Olímpico already seems to have given up wearing his half mask, the lone interesting thing about him. I mean yeah, it was only interesting because I got to make fun of him for looking like the homeless man’s Two Face but that’s just semantics at this point.

Seriously; Olímpico was a few weeks from turning into this
Seriously; Olímpico was a few weeks from turning into this

Batman jokes aside, it feels like the technicos are really, REALLY going to have to work hard to make this one okay. They can do that (have you seen Junior, Titán and Panther recently), and this match will at least have the slightly added bonus of getting heat thanks to the Junior-Ripper feud (which I can’t believe is actually a thing). It’s just a question of what the rudos want to do. The best case scenario is that Kráneo is super chill as always, Ripper is motivated by this feud with Junior like he was a few weeks ago and Olímpico gets replaced by Sagrado after getting lost on the way to the arena. Barring all that coming together (it won’t), this will be a good match when the technicos are on offense and a scene out of Independence Day 2 when the rudos are.

Winners: There is no way on planet earth the rudos should win this match…which means they’re totally winning this match while I make this face.

Thought you’d never see that again huh?! Alas it won’t take away the sting (nor the dent from the TV my thrown 7 Up bottle will have left) caused by Ripper pinning Junior to secure the third fall. Hell I may throw my 7 Up bottle right now just thinking about it.

Johnny Idol, Marco Corleone, Valiente vs. Rey Bucanero, Terrible, Vangellys

What to Expect: At least they got the rudo team right for this one; no Shocker in sight! Even still it’s hard for me to get too excited here outside of the potential for Johnny Idol getting to do more. There’s only so much Marco, Valiente, Terrible and Vangellys are going to do in a meaningless semi-main in Arena Puebla, so your best bet here is that CMLL finally lets young Idol do his thing and he goes nuts. Even then I’m still dubious. You’ve got nothing to worry about as far as this match being bad (everyone here could get this match to “okay” status in their sleep), but I doubt it’ll be really exciting either. It is…a match as they’d say. I guess you can always hold out hope that Kenny Omega has decided Mexico is the place for him and he destroys everyone here in his debut. You’d be even more delusional than me in regards to CM Punk going to Lucha Underground, but hey, everyone’s gotta have dreams right?

Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. Yes that even applies here in this meaningless trios encounter. I see Terrible pinning Idol after that GORGEOUS Last Ride powerbomb of his. And yes, we’ll all wonder why Terrible can’t buy a singles match afterwards; especially when his ideal opponent is in this match. Come on CMLL; how hard is it to give us Terrible vs. Marco so we can find out who truly has the best left hand in CMLL? We have to know dammit!

Atlantis, Carístico, Máximo Sexy vs. Cavernario, Gran Guerrero, Negro Casas

What to Expect: This match is all good news. First, it’s a rematch of a decent trios match from last week’s Puebla show that is returning every luchador from that contest. Even if it only goes two falls this match should have plenty of decent action to keep you occupied. Second, there’s a feud going on here and it’s between the two guys you’d absolutely love to see feuding; Carístico and Negro Casas. That potential matchup is so cool, even if it’s the 9,001th time they’ll have done it, that the only way to describe my thoughts on it is with these three memes.

Basically, you can’t miss with this match, even if it only goes two falls (and let’s be honest, the chances of that are high). You’ve got an interesting feud, you’ve got six luchadors more than capable of delivering the goods and for Atlantis, Máximo and Cavernario it’ll be the last Puebla match they have before going over to Japan. They’ll want to give the crowd a little something here before they’re off to make Kazuchika Okada look good (I kid, I kid!). So my advice; ignore that this could be a great match if they gave it a whole lot of time, sit back, and enjoy what you get. Remember; we’re getting Carístico vs. Negro Casas next week more than likely. To be upset with a match leading up to that is like getting upset over your kids being kids. Don’t tell that to the people living in the apartment below me though!

Winners: Negro won this same match with an unseen foul last week, so this week he’ll lose via the mask pull. Classic CMLL. The only question will be whether it occurs in the second or third fall; beyond that the technicos will win, challenges will be made and big matches will be in our future come next week.

And….scene! I’ll be back later sports fans, either with a Lucha Tribute, a Golden Globes running diary, or possibly both. I’m in the mood to write today. Till whichever comes first, turtleneck DUCHOVNY!

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