CMLL Puebla Preview: I mean...at least Hechicero's on the show!
So remember how warm and fuzzy CMLL made some of us feel on Friday when they actually tried and put on a good show? Yeah, fuck those feelings because they’re throwing us back in the cold for tomorrow’s Puebla show! Well not entirely; the third match of the night looks as though it could be pretty good and the fourth match may even have a shot. But besides that this looks to be another show where we all ask for change and CMLL responds by laughing hysterically, Ivan Ooze style. That’s right folks; CMLL has bored me so much that I just referenced Ivan Ooze in a lucha column for the first time ever. We break new ground here every day folks. Let’s try to do some more of that over the next 1,100 words or so. Moses, stop hitting the snooze button and pull out the meme.
Black Tiger, Lestat, Millenium vs. Ares, Fuerza Chicana, Policeman
What to Expect: Black Tiger will bore, Ares will suck, Policeman will continue to be beloved because…I don’t know why, Fuerza Chicana will make Ares look like Negro Casas and everyone will feel bad for Lestat and Millenium, the only two luchadors in this match who deserved to get booked. Don’t be like me; skip this match and do something better with your time peeps.
Winners: Rudos in three falls. NEXT!
La Vaquerita, Marcela, Sanely vs. Amapola, Dalys, Metálica
What to Expect: We’re only six days away from the biggest luchadoras match this side of Zeuxis vs. Silueta this year…and CMLL decides to leave Zeuxis off the final match. Sound strategy there Tirantes! She’s only the best luchadora you’ve got and all. Without the Queen around it’s hard to care for this match, even though everyone aside from Vaquerita is pretty good. They’ll do some stuff and it’s always interesting to see any improvement from Metálica and Sanely, but I can’t say I’m too hyped. I doubt many others are either.
Winners: The technicas team takes this in three falls after Sanely pins Metálica.
Blue Panther Jr., Stigma, The Panther vs. Hechicero, Puma, Tiger
What to Expect: Palpetine, how do you feel about this match?
ME TOO! This has the makings of being something quite fun, even in the land of no dives like Arena Puebla. I would’ve perhaps used someone other than Stigma to pair up with Panther and Junior, but he’s a passable luchador and the rudo team is so good that he’ll look good just by working with any of those three. It also doesn’t hurt that Puma and Tiger seem to do better in matches with limitations, leading to them breaking out all sorts of unique double teams to make up for the loss of dives. I think they do that here, I think Hechicero remains one of the greatest wrestlers to walk this mortal coil, I think Stigma does enough to keep up and I think Junior and Panther provide the remaining excitement needed to make this the best match of the evening. What I’m most hoping for; a Junior tope suicida. If Panther can do at least one a match (and he’s definitely doing one here) than you can do one too Junior!
Winners: The Panthers and Stigma take this one, with Junior submitting Tiger with the Nudo Laguerno in three falls. It’s not as good as the dream I have of Junior or Panther beating Hechicero to set up a NWA World Historic Light Heavyweight Championship match next week but I’ll still take it. Note to CMLL; do my suggestion instead!
Ángel de Oro, Atlantis, Johnny Idol vs. Cavernario, Mr. Niebla, Sam Adonis
What to Expect: There’s two ways to look at this match. It could be very good, with Atlantis taking the rudos to backbreaker city, Ángel de Oro continuing his streak of great performances, Adonis and Niebla getting the crowd all riled up and Idol and Cavernario continuing to show why their two of the best young luchadors in CMLL’s arsenal. It could also see Niebla pull a Jeff Hardy at Victory Road 2011 again, which forces the match to be ended early. I’d bank on it being somewhere in the middle. The crowd will be hot for this one because Niebla (if he’s right) and Adonis can’t help but get the crowd involved for various reasons (Adonis for his heeling, Niebla for his hilarious antics), not to mention Atlantis is Atlantis and gets reactions everywhere. I’m just not sure how much time these guys will get or how much CMLL will allow them to do. It could be worse I suppose; Máscara Año 2000 could be working a Lightning Match with Sexy Star in this spot. Excuse me while I picture Rob Viper’s reaction to that match.
Winners: This could be another place to set up a match if CMLL wanted. Honestly any combination would work, and gorramit does CMLL need to eventually give us Idol-Adonis at some point. Naturally they won’t do it and this will end without any further developments. Oh, and a technicos victory in three falls after Atlantis gets Adonis in the Atlantida. Sorry Sam!
La Máscara, Marco Corleone, Máximo Sexy vs. Ephesto, Mephisto, Volador Jr.
What to Expect: Well…at least Máscara Año 2000 isn’t involved! It actually might be better if he were, seeing as that could at least lead to another run in from Los Cientificos. This will most definitely be the match where CMLL sets something up, if only because it’s the only trios match where it makes no sense to set up a feud. The most interesting match up to come out of this would be Volador vs. Máximo or Volador vs. Marco, and there’s no way in hell CMLL does that. That leaves either Volador vs. Máscara, a decent match that I really don’t need to see, or a combination of Marco or Máximo facing Ephesto or Mephisto, which is just…I’ll let this dude sum it up for you.
As you can see, it’s hard to get psyched for this match when you know what’s coming, and even worse the match itself doesn’t offer much excitement. It’ll be serviceable for sure, but it’s nothing I’m going out of my way to see. Máscara has really fallen off ever since his Anniversary Show shenanigans, Marco has been going through the motions for months now (his offense is basically just lefts, crossbody’s and grinds), Ephesto is Ephesto and there’s no reason for the other three to go full throttle here when a game of New Year’s Yahztee has more on the line. I’m honestly pretty convinced the phrase “ho hum” was invented just for this occasion. Here’s hoping CMLL uses the third or fourth match to set something else up instead and this match becomes the fast paced sprint where everyone is trying to make their reservation at Super Astro’s restaurant.
Winners: I’m going to say cubsfan is dead on when he predicted Máscara-Volador as the feud here. Thus Máscara will foul Volador in the third fall to give his team the win, challenges will be made and the match will be set for next week. And no, there’s nothing we can do about it, unless anyone thinks me writing an open letter to CMLL before tomorrow’s show trying to convince them Hechicero-Blue Panther Jr. or Ángel de Oro-Cavernario would be a more interesting match would work. Did any of that just make sense what I said? Fuck, even if it didn’t it still makes more sense than CMLL’s booking.
That’s the show folks. I’ll return tomorrow to preview the Tuesday show, possibly preview the next Lucha Underground episode and begin one of my End of the Year lucha columns. It’s gonna be (Mike Francesca voice) YOOOOOGE. Till then, SCULLY!