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CMLL Puebla Preview: The Last of Dorada
Sometimes, in any field, you need to take a little time to decompress. That’s what I decided to do last week. With my writing work slowing down and, more importantly, my desire to write coming to a screeching halt, I realized the same thing Ahnuld realized at the end of Terminator 2; I need a vacation. And so I took one from my keyboard, instead spending the week to catch up on Legends of Tomorrow, fall in love with Caity Lotz/Sara Lance all over again, watch Hechicero climb the mountain to win the NWA Historic World Light Heavyweight Championship from Rey Bucanero (in a fantastic match by the way) and witness the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life (besides Caity Lotz, Sexy Star, Zeuxis, Yvonne Strahovski, Summer Glau…where was I going with this?); a Chicago Cubs World Series win.
Needless to say it was a great week and a necessary one. Now I find myself fully recharged and ready to get back into the grind, which starts with me returning to break down old reliable themselves, CMLL. They’re back at it again with their Monday show in Puebla and for the first time in awhile I’m actually kind of excited for the show. And no, it’s not just because I’m in a great mood. I thought last week’s Puebla show was the best CMLL had done in quite a bit (not perfect, but quite fun and with some actual good wrestling) and this show looks like it can be better if Tirantes doesn’t get his hands wrapped around it. The third match looks promising. The main event looks fun and has interesting possibilities. And of course, the semi-main features the last hurrah in Puebla for one of the most popular luchadors today and a man who hopes to become the next Rey Mysterio up north for the Mother Ship. If nothing else, CMLL has my curiosity and attention tomorrow. Here’s why they should have yours. Moses, the break is over; it’s time to meme again.
Asturiano, Centella Roja, París vs. Espíritu Maligno, Mini Joker, Saurón
What to Expect: ASTURIANO! MINI JOKER! THE DARK LORD FROM THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM!!! How nice of CMLL to give me all of that and three red shirts for my first match back. You know the drill here folks; this match will be far longer than it should be, Mini Joker and Asturiano will be the only ones worth watching and all of this will probably be wrong because Rob Viper is no longer watching CMLL and their openers have been great since that happened. The Jinx of Rob is what we’re calling it, and by we, I mean myself and no one else. I am so alone.
Winners: The rules haven’t changed in the last week; when in doubt, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.
Lestat, Pegasso, Tigre Rojo Jr. vs. Ares, Metálico, Policeman
What to Expect: You gotta love CMLL; just when you think they can’t throw together yet another match featuring a great technicos team against an old, uninspired, boring rudo team, they go out and do it yet again. It’s as predictable as Grey’s Anatomy losing another star at the end of each season. Naturally I’ll still be intrigued by this match because Tigre Rojo is quite good, Pegasso will have a couple of dives ready despite the “NO FUN ALLOWED” rules CMLL has in place for matches one through two and Lestat is…Lestat. Honestly I don’t know a shit ton about the guy (he was apparently around before I became a full fledged CMLL mark), but he looked really good last week and that’s good enough for me. Let’s just hope the rudos are willing to make him and the rest of the technicos look good. Who am I kidding…
Winners: The technicos. I’d normally be negative and say no, but Cthulhu gave us a Cubs World Series last week so I’ll be positive. Lestat pins Policeman in fall three, takes his badge and stomps it to pieces. Obi-Wan, tell ‘em how lucha fans will take this.
Guerrero Maya Jr., Stigma, Stuka Jr. vs. Felino, Puma, Tiger
What to Expect: In the words of Maury Ballstein, THAT’S (dramatic pause) WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! We’ve got an excellent technico team going up against an excellent rudo team in a match that should be at worst a pretty good contest. There’s literally nothing to complain about. Quick, let’s get this match over with before Tirantes changes it and puts Ripper and Olímpico in. Not since Rajai Davis went deep in the bottom of the 8th will things have been ruined so badly.
There’s honestly not much more to say about this match besides the fact that it should, at the very least, be highly watchable, but I’ve got something to get off my chest anyway. Anyone who has been watching CMLL these past few months (and I’m talking each show; Puebla, the Tuesday show and Super Viernes) knows that these Monday shows just don’t have the juice as the other two. I don’t know what it is; maybe it’s less room on the floor for the luchadors to do dives, maybe CMLL thinks so little of Puebla and its audience that they don’t want to do shit or maybe Tirantes is just the worst creative person to be put in charge since Artisan Entertainment said “Let’s give the job to Uwe Boll!”. Whatever the case, this is my message to CMLL and the guys in this match tomorrow; get out there and do some shit. Let Guerrero Maya do his awesome between the ropes senton. Let Stigma and Stuka cut loose. Let Puma and Tiger show why they’re the best non Sansón and El Cuatrero brother tandem in CMLL today. For the love of Grodd, let Felino do something, anything other than hit someone with that toilet seat of his! This match could be special if CMLL and these guys wanted it to be; so make it. That’s my tangent. You may now resume your regularly scheduled preview.
Winners: The Casas Family wins in three falls. Either way I’ll have no complaints…as long as the match is hot fire. I don’t ask for much peeps!
Dragón Lee, Máscara Dorada, Máximo Sexy vs. Ephesto, Mephisto, Pólvora
What to Expect: All eyes will descend on this match and for good reason; this will be the last Máscara Dorada match in Arena Puebla for CMLL and possibly forever. At best it’s the last one in awhile and if nothing else it should be somewhat of an emotional moment for both the future Gran Metalik and his fans. That said I’d bank on this containing a few special moments, even if the match itself doesn’t quite have the rudo team to hang with Dorada, Lee and Máximo (sadly the third wheel in this behind his two exciting partners). I know its Monday and I know Triple H has probably told Dorada to not do anything stupid, but so the fuck what? Dorada was probably told that before that Friday show four weeks ago and went out and did that awe inspiring over the corner hurricanrana to the floor anyway. I doubt he pulls that out here, but I wouldn’t doubt he does at least one memorable spot somewhere during this match, likely with longtime rival Mephisto. Regardless, whether you’re a lucha fan wanting to catch Dorada in Arena Puebla one last time or a WWE fan interested in seeing how the future Gran Metalik works in his natural environment, check this match out. You won’t regret it. Hopefully. Maybe? Stop talking Cult!
Winners: Like Leonard Snart sacrificing himself to off the Time Masters, Dorada goes out a triumphant hero with a pin over Mephisto in the final fall. Did that reference make sense? Who cares; it’s my return column and I’ll do what I want!
Atlantis, Rush, Último Guerrero vs. Mr. Niebla, Negro Casas, Volador Jr.
What to Expect: We’re tuning in for Dorada’s farewell tomorrow and hopefully staying for the promise this main event potentially holds. And no, I’m not talking about how Volador and Rush have basically been swapped out Wife Swap style. Just a few weeks ago it appeared that CMLL was setting up an Atlantis-Negro Casas match, a big thing considering a) Atlantis and Casas are two of the greatest lucha libre stars of (Kanye West voice) ALL TIME and b) they’re last two matches were a Lightning Match and a three minute CMLL Universal Tournament contest. In short; if they’re picking back up where the left off weeks ago, CMLL could be using this show to set up the first legit one on one match between the greatest mask vs. mask luchador and potentially the greatest luchador ever since…who the hell knows how long? There are big deals, there’s Francis Ford Coppola finally getting around to making Megalopolis, there’s Zeuxis asking for my hand in marriage (let me dream) and then there’s this match. Well this match and the Cubs winning a World Series. NO I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!
All that being said I feel like it’s now time to dash your hopes I just raised. Yes this match could be set up by this main event; it’s also possible CMLL has forgotten the Atlantis-Casas issues, has randomly put them in this match and has no intention of giving us that big time bout, leaving all us lucha crazies hanging like the rodeo man from George Strait’s “I Can Still Make Cheyenne”. Do I want to think that way? No, and I honestly do think they will set up this match, if for no other reason than for CMLL to have something to sell tickets for next Monday’s show. Would I be shocked if they left us walking away from that phone dangling off the hook though? Absolutely not. Thus my advice is this; be hopeful, be realistic and enjoy the fact that this match should be entertaining either way. That’s the truth; a match featuring Atlantis, Rush, the UG, Mr. Niebla and his fro, Casas and Volador has to try really hard to not be fun.
Winners: Maybe the Cubs victory has made me too positive for my own good, but I’m going to predict the thing we all want. Atlantis vs. Negro Casas will be set up here, thanks to Casas going low on Atlantis in the third fall to give the technicos the DQ win. Atlantis will then make the challenge, Casas will accept and I will triumphantly munch on some Original Lays as this happens. And that’s the bottom line because Clairvoyant Cult ripped off Stone Cold and said so.
Aaaaaaaand scene! Man it’s good to be back. The comeback tour will continue tomorrow sports fans, as I break down this show, preview CMLL’s Tuesday show and preview the Famous B-Mascarita Sagrada match that’s going down on Lucha Underground this Wednesday. IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME BABY! Till then, it’s time to add some more DUCHOVNY to your life.