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CMLL Puebla: A Running Diary of Meh
Sometimes you just gotta do things differently in order to keep yourself entertained. I'm doing that tonight with CMLL's Monday show in Puebla. Knowing that the show is probably going to go from suck to blow but also wanting to write a review on it (something I've neglected the past few weeks) I've decided the best course of action is to just write the review as the show goes. You know what that means; running diary time! But this isn't just any normal running diary. This my friends will be available for you to see live, because who doesn't like cool new things? I anticipate this could go really, really good or really, really bad but either way it's worth a shot. So without any gilding of the lily and with no more ado, let's get this bad boy started. Moses, get that meme out because WE ARE LIVE!!!!!
9:57: I said it already but I'll say it again; WE ARE LIVE! I haven't been this excited since the first time I saw the Captain America: Civil War trailer. Especially the end; never have my friends and I gotten so much mileage out of something than "he's my friend!", "so was I!"
10:03: Just got all my promoting and shit done for this in time for Lestat to make his entrance. It's him, Black Tiger and Millenium vs. Ares, Policeman and Fuerza Chicana to start. Why the hell am I doing this again?!
10:05: To do a poll on who has the worst techno theme between the three technicos, or not to do a poll. Let's do a poll!
Whose them music sucked more?
10:07: Someday someone needs to explain to me why Policeman is so loved. It's the weirdest thing. He and Black Tiger are the captains by the way, which is just fine considering Ares and Chicana deserve to be captains like I deserve to be the great love of Zeuxis' life.
10:09: Lestat and Policeman are doing mat work. Well at least it keeps Policeman off his feet I suppose.
10:10: A handshake?! Come on Lestat; you're too good to shake the hands of Policeman! That's like Batman and Joker deciding to put aside their differences for a game of Super Smash Brothers.
10:11: Finish reader Helios One's sentence; "POLICE FREAKIN MAN!" Note there is only one correct answer.
10:13: Millenium is tries his but off and actually does some great work before setting up Chicana for a Black Tiger leg drop. It's the showers for Chicana, and soon it's the showers for Ares after a Lestat swanton. Technicos win a just kind of there fall one.
10:14: I must admit the Puebla crowd not only seems pumped but seems full. Not sure they enjoyed Lestat owning Policeman right there as much as I did.
10:16: And now we've got Ares and Black Tiger. Like going from the first half of Gone with the Wind to the second half of Gone with the Wind.
10:18: The rudo beat down is here. Take whatever medication you need to get through the next ten minutes.
10:19: EVERYBODY MISSING DIVES!
10:20: The rudos submit everyone and we find ourselves tied at one fall a piece. This match is definitely living up to being a skippable affair; best thing I've seen from it thus far is the dude in the crowd trying (and failing) to whistle. Highest of comedy that guy.
10:22: This match has gone twelve minutes. It feels like it's been longer than Titanic. Speaking of that movie, can you believe it's been 19 years to the day since that movie was released in theaters? Where does the time go? And yes, I'm talking about this because it's more entertaining that Policeman kicking Millenium in his upper thigh.
10:24: Black Tiger just splashed both of his partners by accident. Somehow this kick starts the comeback for the technicos.
10:25: Ever wanted to see what a baby flailing for it's mother looks like? Check out Policeman's attempt at a double clothesline sometime. Thankfully it all leads to Lestat planting Policeman with a moonsault to give the technicos the win. Wait...DID A YOUNG GUY JUST PIN A VETERAN?! ON A TIRANTES BOOKED SHOW?! Good thing I'm documenting this folks because it's not happening again for another ten years. Damn shame the match was a colossal waste of time, with the technicos getting little to do except dive on each other while the rudos sucked the life out of us all.
10:28: Time for the luchadoras match! We now go live to Rob Viper's reaction to this news.
10:32: Marcela and Dalys are captains and good Grodd they cannot resist nearly coming to blows before the bell. Is it sad that I care less about that and more about the fact that a) Edgar is actually refereeing this show and b) HE'S WEARING A LEGIT REF SHIRT?! This is why Edgar is the bomb diggity.
10:33: I'd love to have been in the meeting where CMLL officials decided that the best thing for Metálica was to work with Vaquerita in this match.
10:34: Sanely meanwhile gets to work with Amapola. I wonder who CMLL values more between her and Metálica; I just wonder!
10:35: To her credit Sanely does decent work before she gives way to Marcela and Dalys. Best sequences of the match are incoming.
10:36: RUNNING SENTO OFF THE APRON?! Marcela is really taking this one seriously. Meanwhile Vaquerita and Sanely take care of business in the ring and before you know it's 1-0 technicas. That was actually a good start, especially the Dalys-Marcela stuff. The problem is whether or not the match can sustain when the rudas take control, and without Zeuxis I just cannot see it.
10:39: Whoa whoa whoa...who the fuck thought letting Vaquerita do backbreakers was a good idea?!
10:40: Numerous corner clotheslines/kicks? Rudas must be in control!
10:41: Wait...are the technicas back in control? Could they actually end this match a fall early?
10:42: And now the rudas are back in control again...except now they aren't because Sanely has just taken control. This match is all over the place.
10:43: Marcela and Dalys go back and forth again until Marcela gets Dalys in the Romero Special...and Dalys taps. Mother of puss bucket it's over in straight falls. It's the lack of Zeuxis on the technica team I tell you. Some of the ideas for this match worked, but it was hard to care and the match was a little too chaotic. At least it was short though! Someone tell Viper he can come out of hiding.
10:45: Marcela is cutting a promo hyping the match and all I can think about is what Zeuxis will be wearing for the show Sunday. You're damn right that's how little I care about this, as well as a commentary on just how bad ass Zeuxis' costume is.
10:47: The Panthers and Stigma vs. Tiger, Puma and Hechicero is next. If this isn't the best match of the show then we are pretty much doomed.
10:51: As much as I love Junior and Panther, it's embarrassing how much worse their taste in music is compared to their opponents. Seriously Panther, why did you give up "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for something that sounds like it was an outtake on the Godfather soundtrack?
10:52: Junior and Hechicero are captains! This news pleases me.
10:53: Looked to me that Junior wanted Hechicero to start this match, but the veteran gave way for Tiger instead. Don't tell me I was looking into things; I want Junior-Hechicero dammit!
10:54: It's hard to tell sometimes considering almost everyone starts their matches off with mat work in CMLL, but what you're seeing here is (all caps alert) SIGNIFICANTLY better than what we got in the first two matches. A testament to how good Junior and Tiger are.
10:55: Panther and Puma are together, which means Hechicero gets Stigma. Ugh.
10:56: Pretty sure they could do that in their sleep. Here comes Hechicero!
10:57: SCHOOL HIM HECHI!
10:58: Hechicero offers his hand to Stigma, Stigma actually considers it and BAM! There's Tiger and Puma!
10:59: STIGMA'S HEAD IS GONE! And yet that Puma superkick is still nowhere near as good as Puma reverse Alabama Slamming Tiger into Junior.
11:00: Get wrecked Stigma!
11:01: GORRAMIT! Hechicero went for another buckle bomb and Stigma caught him with a Code Red for the surprise pin. Hence the amazed baby. Technicos lead after a solid first fall.
11:02: Rudos are back in control and my goodness is it beautiful. Puma and Hechicero are now even doing cool double teams together!
11:03: Tirantes is slumming it again, failing to pay attention to a pin Puma has on Junior. I get the feeling Hechicero may legit send him to the hospital if he does that again.
11:04: HECHICERO KNEE!
11:04: JUNIOR COMEBACK!
11:05: Technicos were clawing back into it, but a Puma codebreaker off the top rope takes care of Junior and thus takes care of this fall. They've really gone to great lengths to make you doubt the outcome of the second fall tonight huh? Other than the Tirantes brain fart this was another solid fall, with the rudos working well together and the last gasp technico comeback coming off well. Let's see what they have for fall three.
11:06: Rudos still in control thus far, with Puma and Tiger dealing with the Panthers on the stage while Hechicero kicks Stigma's ass on the floor.
11:07: STIGMA TOPE! JUNIOR TOPE! PANTHER TOPE! I KNEW JUNIOR WOULD ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE!
11:07: Those were by the way the first "to the floor" dives of the night, because you can't have fun in Arena Puebla. These teams don't know this though, with Panther, Puma and Tiger combing for two great sequences in a row.
11:08: JUNIOR AND HECHI!
11:08: I'm the biggest Blue Panther Jr. fan I know and even I don't think I've ever seen him show off the skills like he did just there.
11:09: Awesome tilt-a-whirl backbreakers for everyone! Puma manages to get Panther in his pretzel stretch but Junior is there for the save. Now we transition to SUBMISSIONS FOR EVERYONE! Stigma tries to pin the rudos as they stretch Junior and Panther, but they break the holds before the three.
11:10: See Black Tiger? That's how you do a Leg Drop from the top!
11:10: Hechicero puts down Stigma!
11:11: THE KNEE MISSES! AND WE GET A SECOND JUNIOR TOPE! Alas that only takes care of Hechicero, and poor Panther is left all alone to take a backcracker AND a top rope dropkick from Tiger and Puma. Rudos win. Best match of the night by far and super fun to boot. Everyone was great here and good Grodd Junior did two topes like I asked him to do in my preview! This is even better than the time I wrote to CMLL about Valiente's pants and he wore the pants!
11:14: Johnny Idol time! Best of all, LIVIN ON A PRAYER TIME!
11:16: Idol, Ángel de Oro (in his Fallen Ángel costume) and Atlantis are up against Mr. Niebla, Cavernario and Sam Adonis here. It could be good, provided a) Mr. Niebla is sober and b) Idol, Oro, Atlantis, Cavernario and Adonis are allowed to be fun. It's a coin flip really.
11:18: Atlantis and Niebla are captains. I guess this makes Niebla the first person since Michael Floyd to be awarded for potential intoxicated behavior. Who cares, because Adonis has already got the crowd going because of course he does!
11:19: A really intriguing Atlantis-Cavernario pairing to start!
11:20: To explain that last meme, Niebla came in and slapped the shit out of Atlantis, leading to a rudo beat down. Oro would get pinned by Cavernario after his running second rope splash, followed by Adonis securing the fall by subitting Idol with CATTLE MUTILATION! Somewhere, a tear has formed in Daniel Bryan's eye. Okay start.
11:23: Adonis practically takes Oro backstage just to beat him up. Wouldn't it be cool if CMLL had a brawl go backstage and let the cameras follow it one day? I'll have to make that happen when I take over in the near distant future.
11:24: MASCOT VIOLENCE!
11:25: Has no one learned from the sins of La Máscara; going for the mask in the middle of the match is a bad idea! Serge Catilline at his most wasted wouldn't go for that.
11:26: Atlantis takes Niebla to Backbreaker City to start the comeback, while Oro gets Cavernario with the Billy Goat's Curse and Idol plants Adonis with a Nail in the Coffin. We're tied! Definitely seems like they're setting up Atlantis-Niebla, which I can't say I love but can't say I hate either. Anything to get Atlantis another solo match!
11:27: Just realized Niebla isn't rockin' the fro!
11:29: A lot of stalling before Adonis and then Niebla get in to the ring to face Atlantis. Not a bad thing necessarily due to the crowd getting riled up. Atlantis and Niebla depart again though and now we've got the intriguing match up of Adonis and Oro!
11:30: Can we keep this new Ángel de Oro forever and ever? Pretty please CMLL?!!!
11:31: Idol and Cavernario now! Perhaps we can finally get some more looks at what Idol can do.
11:31: DAMN MASCOT! YOU DON'T ATTACK A MAN LIKE JOHNNY IDOL! Thankfully Johnny recovers quickly and sends Cavernario to the stage, leading to Idol-Adonis 9,000.
11:32: FLY UNCLE SAM, FLY!
11:33: ORO DIVE! Atlantis and Niebla are by themselves, but Niebla ends that with a low blow before Atlantis can take him to Backbreaker City repeatedly. Technicos win. Entertaining match, but it felt like it was just getting going when they ended it. Niebla-Atlantis seems guaranteed, further confirmed when Niebla PULLS ATLANTIS' MASK OFF! ARREST THAT MAN NOW! ARREST HIM!
11:36: We get a video of CMLL wishing us a happy holidays and I don't care because MR. NIEBLA JUST COMMITTED THE CRIME OF UNMASKING ATLANTIS! Gorram, the one time we need Policeman and he's probably halfway to the latest washed up luchador convention by now.
11:37: DUM, DUM, DUH DUH DUM, DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM! DUM, DUM, DUH DUH DUM, DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!
11:38: Just realized; Marco and Máscara are teammates here, which means they can't taunt each other with grinds. Not sure if this should worry me or not.
11:39: When you see Volador walk out in a Mephisto shirt.
11:40: Did you know Volador vs. Máscara is likely happening? No? Well CMLL just made it extra obvious by making them captains and having them start the match. Máscara wants none and disappears to the back for a sec, leading to Volador taunting him with Ephesto and Mephisto. The universe is upside down I tell you.
11:42: LOL at Marco wanting none of Máscara's shit. He tosses him back in, only for Máscara to escape again. Lame.
11:44: Well at least Volador and Los Infiernos are working well together. Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to the Captain America: Civil War esq exchange between Volador and Mistico later on?
11:46: Volador and the gang won that fall by the way. Luckily we're all like La Máscara here and care little. Fall two has started with Mephisto and Ephesto dominating Marco and Maximo while Máscara continues to play 2012 CM Punk to Volador's 2012 John Cena.
11:47: HE'S GOT HIS HANDS ON HIM...until he doesn't.
11:48: Sing this to the Superman theme tune; THIS IS FUCKING DUMB! SO FUCKING DUMB! THIS IS FUCKING DUMB! KILL ME NOW!
11:49: Finally Maximo and Marco are allowed to do stuff and Marco ends up taking care of Ephesto and Mephisto with one large crossbody off the top. We're tied. In the best moment of the match, Máscara hilariously comes in to take credit for the win, leading to Maximo and Marco exchanging "could we get away with murdering him in front of all these people?" looks.
11:50: Volador and Maximo are going to have an exchange! Volador looks to be having the time of his life trying to steer clear of Maximo's antics.
11:51: Maximo clears the house and the crowd goes wild. Máscara comes in, but so does Volador and it's time to retreat again!
11:52: Marco and Ephesto in. Scratch that, Mephisto. There's grinding and height taunts for all regardless.
11:54: This match has been strange. Finally Máscara is actually doing stuff though.
11:55: VOLADOR DIVE!
11:55: Marco and Maximo take out Ephesto and Mephisto with apron dives, leaving Volador and Maximo all alone. We'll now go to a quick pop quiz.
11:59: The answer to the question was D; Máscara bumped into Tirantes, feigned being fouled, Tirantes made a scene and Máscara wins an annoyingly stupid match by DQ. Volador makes the challenge for a match afterwards, I have no idea if Máscara accepted or not and I honestly don't care!
So that's the show folks. At times it was fun, at times it was frustrating and at times it made me want to stab myself in the face with a soldering iron. I'll say this though; I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had as much fun watching the show if I had just done my notes and reviewed it after, so this was a plus. I'll be off for now, but I'll return tomorrow with a preview of Wednesday's Lucha Underground and more stuff. Till then, more info on the conversation between Mistico and Volador following Volador's shocking "defection" to Los Infiernos.