CMLL Tuesday Preview: Some Substance, No Memes!
Spoiler alert sports fans; there’s not going to be many memes in this CMLL preview. I know, I’m disappointed in myself too. Sometimes though the analysis is more important than funny pictures though, and unlike Michael Bay I’m not one to shoehorn something in just for the sake of it. At least I hope not! In any event you still get the CMLL Tuesday preview you love, even if the show itself isn’t something you’re looking forward to. In fairness, this show is better than the usual, though there’s still a little too much for me to suggest it’ll be a breakaway pop hit like the Puebla show looks. But don’t take my word for it…wait, yes, take my word for it. Good Grodd stop rambling and just get to the column Cult. Moses, make like a tree and meme.
Acero & Aéreo vs. Pequeño Universo 2000 & Pequeño Violencia
What to Expect: Remember how last Friday’s Super Viernes and Monday’s Puebla had openers that had a chance of being good? Yeah, this match won’t continue the streak. Acero may do something cool and this probably won’t be anywhere close to bad, but I’d expect this to be little more than a boring opener that no one in this galaxy or the next will never. The good news; at least it won’t be as bad as the next match. Get your gas masks ready for that stinker now.
Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.
Príncipe Diamante, Sangre Imperial, Sensei vs. Arkángel de la Muerte, Metálico, Nitro
What to Expect: If Friday was Príncipe Diamante’s reward for winning the CMLL Bodybuilding Contest than this match is where he begs Grodd for forgiveness and a way off CMLL cards for good. Not only is he stuck with Sangre Imperial and Sensei (who in fairness isn’t bad) as teammates but he’s being forced to work against Metálico, Nitro and Arkángel, a trios team that isn’t quite the worst ever only because of Metálico’s entrance. This situation is so hopeless that we might as well put Orlando Bloom in it and call it Troy.
I could try to paint a positive portrait here; perhaps Arkángel gets lost on the way to Arena Mexico again (he did last week), maybe Sangre Imperial shows us a side of him we haven’t seen before, maybe Príncipe is so good that he raises everyone up so they can stand on mountains (you’re welcome Josh Groban). Then again maybe Zeuxis will arrive at my front door today and we’ll live happily ever after. The point is that none of those are likely and all I can do is wonder what CMLL is thinking in regards to Diamante. It’s clear the kid has ability from this past Friday and he just won one a legit CMLL competition, something you’d think would entitle him to a look or two. Now I’ll honestly be surprised if this isn’t his last match before CMLL Houdini’s him again. My advice for him would be to just go balls to the wall and get every big thing in he can to at least make some sort of impression.
Winners: There is neither Grodd nor Cthulhu in the sky, which means the rudos win when Arkángel pins Príncipe in the third fall. Yes this is me desperately trying to reverse jinx this match and I hope to hell it works. CMON DIAMANTE!
Star Jr. vs. Raziel
What to Expect: If I can quote the interim leader of the Gramercy Riffs from The Warriors, this match looks good; real good. That’s not a joke either. I know the first thought here would be to condemn this match due to Raziel’s involvement when in fact Raziel’s dirty little secret is he’s quite good. Seriously, the dude can go when he wants to; the problem mostly is that he doesn’t want to, likely something to do with the never ending tag matches he and his lesser talented friend Cancerbero are involved in. This will be a chance to show off his stuff all by his lonesome, with an electric opponent in Star Jr. looking to prove something in his own right. I’m not saying this match will be Hechicero/Soberano, Panther/Okumura or Casas/Ángel de Oro good, but don’t be surprised at all if by the end of this Lightning Match you’re vigorously nodding your head while saying “that was a whole lot of fun!” I’m confident enough to say that will be the case barring Raziel turning into the unmotivated bore he can be, grinding this match and Star Jr. to a halt in the process.
Winner: I would have Star Jr. win, but Raziel does have a gig with New Japan next month with the FantasticaMania shows. Thus he will emerge victorious here, beating poor Star at around the 7:15 mark.
Blue Panther Jr., Drone, The Panther vs. El Cuatrero, Forastero, Sansón
What to Expect: Man CMLL’s got a nice little thing going here in the middle of the show; first we have a potentially fun Lightning Match that’s followed immediately by this match, which easily could be the Match of the Night when all is said and done. Best of all is that Máscara Año 2000 is no longer involved with his nephews, leading to Forastero (who showed last week he’s got a promising future of his own) to take his place. I must admit though that I’m more curious about where CMLL is going with these six than the match itself. The Panthers have been sublime for most of this year (I’d argue Blue Panther Jr. may be my most improved luchador of 2016) and have a legendary father backing them; they’re fine regardless. But Sansón, Cuatrero and Drone have all be used inconsistently, at one point looking like guys in line for a potential push due to gimmick changes/family ties before CMLL booking reared its ugly head. I think this match has the potential to tell us what CMLL is thinking in regards to these guys over the next few months, which combined with what should be really good action is enough to make me quite excited for this. It could be great folks, like Arrow 100th episode great. Come at me Oliciters!
Winners: I’ve picked no technicos to win to this point and I’m seriously tempted to do it again here! Alas I won’t; the Panthers and Drone will take this one in three falls with Junior submitting Cuatrero with Nudo Laguerno while Panther nails Forastero with that top rope dropkick of his. And yes, that means poor Sansón has to take whatever cool dive Drone comes up with.
Blue Panther, Guerrero Maya Jr., Rey Cometa vs. Ephesto, Luciferno, Pierroth
What to Expect: It’s here CMLL decides the last two matches being promising is enough before giving us a rematch to one of the worst and most unnecessary matches in recent history for the Tuesday show. How bad was last week’s match you ask? Well it was so putrid that at one point Luciferno his Blue Panther with the shittiest Styles Clash in the history of the western hemisphere, to the point where Panther no sold the move and started scolding Luciferno for being such a terrible luchador. I shit you not sports fans, and that’s only a taste of the Awful Awful that was the rest of the bout. Unless CMLL is setting up a singles match here between two of these six or are going to actually allow Panther, Maya and Cometa to do more stuff than sell then I really don’t see the point of this match. My advice is to boot up Netflix and wait for this match to be over, and even then you may not want to turn it on. You just never know if this is the day CMLL decides to punish Blue Panther by setting up a singles match between him and Pierroth. Excuse me while I go puke out the thought of that match.
Winners: CMLL may hate us, but not enough to put us through another shit show like last week. The technicos will take this one in three falls, with Panther stretching someone out. If I’m wrong and there actually is a Grodd or Cthulhu, may that guy getting stretched out be Luciferno. He hasn’t suffered enough for that shitty Styles Clash dammit!
Ángel de Oro, Atlantis, Carístico vs. Euforia, Gran Guerrero, Niebla Roja
What to Expect: What’s gotten into Carístico? First the man would only show up for a CMLL streamed show once, maybe twice a month; now all of a sudden it seems like he’s on every single one of them. Dude most be super stoked for that UG math he’s having soon, which makes it helpful that this match involves all three of UG’s bestest pals going up against him. Maybe it’s because of that that my hopes for this match are quite high; well that and the fact that Atlantis and the red hot Ángel de Oro are involved as well. The key will be whether CMLL wants to give these guys time or if they’ll want to set up a warm up match for Carístico before he goes against UG. If that’s the case then you can probably expect this match to be an energetic sprint that ends a little earlier than we’d all like. If not, then this could be a really fun match with a lot backbreakers, dives and Euforia making one catch in this match that makes you shake your head in amazement.
Winners: Whether it goes long or not I get the feeling Carístico will be involved on the right side of the decision. I’ll say he gets La Mistica on someone in the third fall to seal the victory for the technicos, though it wouldn’t shock me at all if Euforia fouled him in the second or third for a DQ to set those two up against the other next week. By the by, if CMLL does that you can scrap every criticism I had about this match being short; I’m ALL IN on Carístico-Euforia. Hell I’d rather see that than Carístico-UG. Be bold Paco and give the people what they want. Or just me; either way works.
That’s game peeps! I’ll be back later tonight with a review of CMLL’s Puebla show, while my Lucha Underground preview will be out tomorrow due to some other projects needing my attention today. Till later, for a DUCHOVNY meme now, press one.