CMLL Tuesday Preview: Stuka and the Buc
What a day; WHAT A LOVELY DAY! The sun is shining, my cold is clearing, the NFL is now gone for the next half of the year and there’s more CMLL for me to talk about! It’s a good day, yes it is, although note that it doesn’t mean this CMLL show is necessarily good. In fact I’d dare say it’s on the same level as the Puebla show I predicted yesterday; there’s some good stuff, some inconsistent stuff, perhaps one bright light at the end of the tunnel and overall a whole lot of “that’s all there is?” It’s a good thing I love lucha libre and you guys so much; otherwise I’d quit previewing these shows full stop, move to LA and change my name to Matthew once I got a job at some random diner. Of course I’d come back a few months later and all to resume my destiny but still. And yes that was a Buffy joke. And yes it’s time to start the column so I’ll stop now and we’ll get to it. Moses, save me from myself.
Acero & Aéreo vs. Pequeño Nitro & Pequeño Olímpico
What to Expect: The never ending tag team of Acero and Aéreo continues! Raise your hand if you care. Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so. At least they’re not stuck with two abysmal opponents like they usually are; now it’s just one solid dude (Nitro) and one mediocre dude. Add it all up and it spells average mediocre match! How fun. Hopefully Aéreo decides to do some more cool shit than usual and Acero decides to stick to the ring apron and read Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Long Way Home. Great comic; on a scale from one to LUGER WON THE TITLE it’s a definite LUGER WON THE TITLE!
Winners: When it’s Tuesday, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.
Oro Jr., Pegasso, Starman vs. Canelo Casas, Hijo del Signo, Metálico
What to Expect: If I’m Oro Jr., I’m taking one look at who my partners are, at least three sharp glances at who my opponents are and then I’m doing this.
Like as quickly as humanly possible. This match can do him, and to a lesser extent Pegasso, no good in the slightest, unless they enjoy getting beaten down by the old man group that this week features the homeless man’s Heavy Metal, Hijo del Signo and whatever gimmick Metálico is going to be using this week. The only good thing is that Arkángel isn’t involved here, which I can only assume is because Flyer and L.A. Park have him trapped in a cage somewhere. Beyond that this match looks like it’ll suck and blow, the technicos have absolutely no hope of winning and good Grodd Oro just call in sick. Get arrested. Lock yourself in your basement. I don’t care what it is but get away from this match immediately.
Winners: Sadly Oro Jr. shows up and eats a Tiger Bomb from Metálico in the third fall, securing the rudo victory.
Blue Panther Jr., Stigma, The Panther vs. Sagrado, Skándalo, Virus
What to Expect: We were on our way to a really nice looking match here before Stigma and Skándalo decided to crash the party. Reminds me of the time Steve Zaun and Jack Black ruined Amanda Peet’s high end gathering in Saving Silverman. Luckily this should still be good provided both Panthers, Virus and Sagrado are on their game. And come on; they will be on their game. Even at his lowest point Virus always finds a way to be awesome, Junior and Panther are good for a least two good sequences a match and who doesn’t love Sagrado doing his lucha impression of Kenny Omega? If nothing else this should be a good, non offensive way to pass fifteen to twenty minutes.
Winners: If not for Junior and Panther’s presence here I’d be tempted to go with the rudos for a third straight match. Not this time though. Junior will submit Virus with Nudo Laguerno after Panther takes Sagrado out with a dive and Stigma takes Skándalo out with a dive and I can’t believe I actually just typed this. Be sure to come back after the show Tuesday and join me in laughing at how wrong this statement is going to be.
Drone, Guerrero Maya Jr., Soberano Jr. vs. Hechicero, Misterioso Jr., Vangellys
What to Expect: A match with a technico team so good that it doesn’t even matter that poor Hechicero is stuck with Misterioso and Vangellys’ hair dye. Frankly I’m not sure why CMLL didn’t just make this a three on one handicap match; not only would Hechicero have held his own but I’m pretty sure he’d have had a better chance of winning the damn match by himself anyway! Alas. Even with the struggling Misterioso and Vangellys involved this match should still be pretty good as long as the technicos are in the mood. And you know they will be; Soberano and Drone never do high flying half assed, Guerrero Maya is the bomb and most importantly all three have good to great chemistry with Hechicero. The match will be worth the price of admission just to see those three match up with him and it’s very likely this match challenges for the best of the show for that alone.
Winners: The first of two straight tough calls to make. I’ll go with the rudos, mainly because all three technicos deserve to win this which means they won’t because a) it’s Tuesday and b) CMLL. The good news is Hechicero will get the win with one of his cool moves over Drone in the third fall, so you at least have that to look forward to.
Stuka Jr. vs. Rey Bucanero
What to Expect: This may be the weirdest, and I mean weirdest, one on one matchup I’ve ever seen CMLL put on. And I’ve seen Guerrero Maya Jr. try to carry Ephesto! Years from now when someone is looking back at these columns in order to cure their insomnia they’re going to see Stuka and Rey Bucanero fought and probably concuss themselves from shaking their head in disbelief so much. This is strange folks. This puts the Strange in Dr. Strange. This is stranger than the time all the grownups in Sunnydale ate the band candy and Buffy had to save their asses, all while avoiding getting mentally scared by moments like this.
Here’s the good news though; this match could end up being pretty good despite the weirdness. Stuka Jr. may be older, bulkier and less flashy than some of his contemporaries but he’s still very good, very capable and coming off a really underrated FantasticaMania match with Okumura just a few weeks ago. You know he’s good for at least one cool dive here. The x-factor is going to be Rey Bucanero. These days Buc doesn’t inspire much confidence in trios action, where he pretty much just lumbers around, does a taunt and then fades into the background. But his last two performances in singles action were inspired and his match with Hechicero was legitimately great and not just because of Hechicero’s involvement. Certainly Rey Bucanero isn’t the same guy who was once one half of the greatest tag team in recent CMLL history, but when motivated he’s still capable of great effort and even great work. If he brings it here then this match could be a surprise. If nothing else I think it’ll prove to be a decent bout with a strong effort from both sides; it’ll then just depend if we get the Bucanero who fought Hechicero, or the Bucanero who tried hard against Super Crazy and just couldn’t put it all together.
Winner: Another too close to call prediction and one where it doesn’t matter either way considering both Stuka and Bucanero are older and established. I’d say it makes more sense for Stuka to win as I think you can do more with him during 2017, but I also thought Maya would beat Ephesto and that didn’t happen. Plus Bucanero lost his last singles match and Stuka won his, which going by the law of averages means Buc takes this here in three falls. Let it be known that I feel as good about this pick as my sinuses did over the last week.
Carístico, Máximo Sexy, Volador Jr. vs. Felino, Mr. Niebla, Último Guerrero
What to Expect: Looked like a great match until Negro Casas was replaced by Mr. Niebla. Now it looks like a serviceable main event that will feature the technicos doing entertaining things, Felino and UG on autopilot and Mr. Niebla hopefully being sober. I suppose these guys could always turn it on if Bucanero and Stuka ends up disappointing, but as long as that match is solid I’d expect these guys to be doing crowd pleasing spots on their way to a short match and that early dinner reservation. Just please be sober Niebla. You’re about one more alcoholic haze away from me suggesting you and Heavy Metal as a drunken buffoons tag team that I strangely see CMLL being behind.
Winners: Unless CMLL wants to do Carístico-Niebla or Carístico-Felino on a Tuesday soon, the technicos will win this quick and clean with a La Mistica and a Volador super Frankensteiner in the third fall. Good night, drive home safe and tip Super Astro well at his restaurant.
And scene. I’m off for a little bit sports fans but I shall return later to review tonight’s CMLL show and possibly have another column for you. We shall see! Till then, SCULLAY!