CMLL Tuesday Preview: Maximo and the Scorpion
It’s another day, another hour, another wall, another tower and yes another CMLL preview column for yours truly. This time I bring you a look at CMLL’s Tuesday Night show while inexplicably referencing long lost Bret Hart promos from his WCW run in the opening sentence. The brain is a mystery folks. What isn’t a mystery is that tomorrow night’s show is one you don’t want to miss, and not because CMLL seemingly decided to put all the best technicos teams against the worst possible rudo ones. No, this is must watch because the main event is…let’s just say it’s pretty big. I’m talking bigger than the second Death Star, Mr. Big, Andre the Giant; the point is this match is pretty damn big. And now you get a chance to read all about it and everything in between. Let’s begin; Moses, make memes not war.
Acero & Aéreo vs. Pequeño Nitro & Pequeño Universo 2000
What to Expect: The minis are starting this night off and…yeah I’m not sure what to make of this. The only guy I’ve gotten a look at here is Nitro, and while he looked solid this past Friday night he alone wasn’t enough to prevent the rest of that bout from falling to pieces. What I’m trying to say is that hopefully these other three dudes are more like the minis match from two Super Viernes’ ago and less like the one from this past Friday. Also, where the hell is Stukita? Did Paco lock him up somewhere with the hopes that we’ll just forget about him? It’s not working with Rush and L.A. Park Paco, it ain’t gonna work with Stukita either!
Winners: Going with the Pequeño’s on this one. I don’t know why, I just got a feeling. Let’s move on.
Magnus, Oro Jr., Starman vs. Canelo Casas, Metálico, Nitro
What to Expect: A whole lot of Nitro in these first two matches huh? I’ll refrain from making a WCW Monday Nitro joke here and only because THERE HE IS! MAGNUS!
Damn right folks, the master and ruler of the second match of the night returns to master and rule over the second match of the night. He’ll need to here as well because aside from him, Oro Jr. (really good this past Friday night), the always delightful Metálico and potentially Starman this match is lacking in talent. And when I say that, I’m referring specifically to Canelo Casas. Far be it for me to say anything bad about a man who is related to the greatest non masked luchador to ever walk this mortal coil (not to mention Felino and Heavy Metal), but my goodness poor Canelo makes David Flair look like an in his prime Jimmy Page. Yeah, it’s that bad. That’s not to say this match can’t be good; I mean it does involve Magnus after all. I’m just saying that my rooting interest will have a tall order tonight is all. It’s not like he’d be the first great to face adversity; where would James Cameron be if he had passed on Piranha 2? Better yet, where would Barney Stinson be if he hadn’t accepted all those challenges? Holy crap I need to stop talking.
Winners: The people want Team Magnus to win. THE PEOPLE NEED TEAM MAGNUS TO WIN! As such, I’m predicting Team Magnus to win, and not just because of my bias either. We need some technicos winning on the Tuesday show, and what better place to start than this match?
Hombre Bala Jr., Soberano Jr., Tritón vs. Disturbio, Skándalo, Virus
What to Expect: Talk about a tale of two teams here. The technicos squad in this match is absolutely tremendous; like I’m talking Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Ultimate Edition tremendous. How else can you describe a team that features a red hot Hombre Bala Jr., a scene stealing Soberano Jr. and a Tritón who wrestles like a young man’s Atlantis and looks like Gerard Way if you put a mask on him? Unfortunately for this dream team their opponents are…while at least Virus is there. The problem is even all the greatness that man possess does nothing to change the fact that Disturbio is Disturbio and Skándalo is Canelo Casas after forty extra pounds and an even further loss of talent. What I’m trying to say is that this match better be booked to feature a whole lot of Virus working against the three talented technicos, as little Skándalo as possible and…yeah. Thankfully I’m thinking CMLL knows this, which should allow this match to still be a dark horse Match of the Evening contender. Like I’d ever doubt these three technicos and Virus anyway. Talent always finds a way folks…well unless you’re Eddie Furlong. Then it just disintegrates into mush.
Winners: As much as I love Virus giving this victory to his two much less talented teammates as opposed to this great technicos team would be the greatest crime in lucha history since Luciferno went over Panther last week. Naturally this means the rudos are winning, so expect Virus’ two teammates to get carried throughout this match only for one of them to get the pin instead. Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn’t get this negative. Hold it together Cult!
Ángel de Oro, Guerrero Maya Jr., Titán vs. Dragón Rojo Jr., Luciferno, Pólvora
What to Expect: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before; a really, REALLY talented technicos team is taking on a rudo squad that features one really good performer, one very average performer and another one that makes you want to run for your life. Sounds a whole lot like the last match doesn’t it? I don’t know what Paco is thinking in his mysterious Batcave off the coast of Blue Demon Jr.’s Miami villa but goodness man, get it together! Thankfully, again, all that needs to be done here is the technicos carrying the action with their wonderful high flying ways, Rojo getting a ton of time with them to work his magic, Luciferno continuing his run of good performances the last few weeks and Pólvora being in the ring as little as possible. Do that and this should be another exciting match. Excuse me while I now go ask Cthulhu for everything to play out as I stated.
Winners: CMLL cannot possibly allow both of these super cool technicos teams to lose right? Well actually they easily could; I however am choosing to believe they won’t and will go with this technicos team to pull out the win. Don’t let me down CMLL. Also, you can make up for this by then putting these two super duper technicos teams against each other next week and let them tear the house down just for kicks. I don’t care if it makes no sense; going with La Mascara to headline the Anniversary Show over Rush-L.A. Park makes no sense and you’re going to do that. Give the people what they want Paco!
Diamante Azul, Johnny Idol, Valiente vs. Cavernario, Negro Casas, Sam Adonis
What to Expect: I have absolutely no idea what to make of this match. On one hand it does have four good performers in Valiente (white hot at the moment), Cavernario (ditto), Negro Casas (always white hot) and Diamante Azul, who everyone else isn’t nearly as high on as I am. It’s gotta be those beautiful monkey flips he does. On the other hand, this match has two big question marks in Johnny Idol and Sam Adonis. I haven’t seen either guy since they showed up in CMLL and I haven’t seen any of them outside of the company either; all I know is that Idol is a New Zealand high flyer while Adonis is a Pennsylvania based performer who has had a cup of coffee in TNA and at 6’4, 250 lbs is one of the biggest guys CMLL has on their roster. In any event I’d expect we’ll see them paired off with the most capable veteran on the opposing side (Idol with Casas, Adonis with Valiente), which should help this match flow and make it a fun experience prior to the main event. If nothing else, it’s another chance to watch Negro Casas, as well as witness Diamante monkey flip the shit out of someone. Seriously, that man has the best monkey flip in the business; I want to write songs about them!
Winners: Uh…Team Casas. What, it’s not like anything is being set up here or in any other match aside from the main event. Speaking of which…
CMLL World Heavyweight Championship Match
Máximo Sexy (c) vs. Rey Escorpión
What to Expect: This is it folks; this is the stuff that lucha libre Match of the Year candidates are made of. We’ve got two really talented performers in a one on one match in a main event slot with a title on the line. And not just any title; it’s the big one, the title to end all titles, the CMLL World Heavyweight Championship! This is the closest CMLL has gotten to being like an American promotion since they started doing those super cool backstage segments on Super Viernes, which they inexplicably stopped because they were probably too much fun for Paco’s taste. And we can’t have that; just ask Rush and L.A. Park!
In all seriousness though, this match has the potential to not just be great, but super great. Let’s start with the champion Maximo. As great of a character and as entertaining as his psychological warfare tactics are in matches, it’s easy to forget that Maximo is a man of great ability. He often looks great in his trios matches and when he’s defended the title or wrestled in one on one bouts he’s been superb; last year he made Vangellys look like a million bucks during their title match and he had two very capable, very good matches with Rush and Kamaitachi earlier this year. Arguably he may have an even better dance partner here in Rey Escorpión, who comes into this match white hot. In the past couple of weeks Escorpión has had two matches with Teddy Hart and Mascara Dorada where he looked like one of the best performers in the world; the way he was able to adapt to being a technico in the Hart match and a rudo against Dorada was sublime, and he slipped in and out of styles in both matches (and in between) like a gorram chameleon. I truly believe this man may be the most underrated luchador in the world right now, and even with all the high profile matches he’s had recently this one should serve as his biggest this year. The way Escorpión is wrestling right now combined with what Maximo can bring to every aspect of the table leads me to believe we’re in for something special tomorrow night. This will be the Match of the Evening and I’m willing to go on record and declare this a dark horse Match of the Year candidate right now. If that doesn’t get you excited, then joy is a sensation you will never know my friend.
Winner: Ladies, gentlemen, Cubs fans just waking up from partying after last night’s huge walk off win; I think we may be getting a title change here. I know; you can never predict when CMLL is going to do a title change, but Maximo will have held the belt for 550 days when he defends it tomorrow (the fifth longest reign in the history of the title) and Escorpión has been so good that it feels like he deserves an award of some kind. I think this is said reward. Rey Escorpión will become the sixteenth CMLL World Heavyweight Champion by defeating Maximo two falls to one. You’ve heard it here first folks. Don’t let me down Rey, don’t let me down.
That’ll do folks, that’ll do. I’m off to eat breakfast, watch some more Friends and prepare myself for the first of a two part Lucha Underground column hitting the waves tonight and tomorrow. Till then, a live look of Stukita as he rots away in Paco Alonso’s basement off the coast of Blue Demon Jr.’s villa.
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