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CMLL Puebla Preview: UG and the Man with No Pants
I’m going to be honest; this intro is probably going to suck because I’m distracted by the worst TV show in the history of America. I won’t name it because I don’t want my street cred ruined; let’s just leave it at its melting my brain and get to the CMLL. This is a rare big show to start the week off from Paco and Friends, mainly because of a huge title match in the main event that has serious potential. Everything else? Well I’ll let you be the judge of that. Let’s get to it now before my brains go directly into my feet. Yes it’s that bad right now this show! Moses, make it work. Fuck, I meant meme it work. I just gave it away didn’t I?
Astro & Zaeta Roja vs. Fuerza Chicana & Guerrero Espacial
What to Expect: Welp…at least Centella Roja and sons aren’t involved! Actually this match may be worth watching just to see what Astro does. I like this guy sports fans; he’s got a nice look, moves with good pace and looks like one of those dudes who could go all Angelico on us if he wasn’t confined to the opening two Puebla matches every time he’s booked. I anticipate he won’t be allowed to really cut loose here but he’s still worth checking out and should raise this match from MEDIOCRE to SLIGHTLY MEDIOCRE! By the way, where’s Sombra Diabólika? Did CMLL quickly decide he was too good and needed to be bounced for more guys like that Fuerza Chicana and Guerrero Espacial?!
Winners: When in doubt go with the rudos. They’ll take this in three falls with Chicana pinning Astro to clinch it. It’s destiny now that I praised the poor boy.
Robin & Star Jr. vs. Rey Apocalipsis & Toro Bill Jr.
What to Expect: At the risk of Rob Viper making fun of me (again) I’m actually looking forward to this match. How can you not be excited about something Star Jr. is involved in after that Tony Hawk Pro Skater move he pulled out last Tuesday against Raziel? I highly doubt we see it here in Puebla (where exciting moves go to die) but the kid is more than capable of being awesome without it. The true keys will be whether we get Batman: Arkham City Robin (seen little, but effective) or Batman and Robin, err Robin as Star’s partner and whether Rey Apocalipsis and Toro Bill decide to move the match faster than one mile per hour. If they do and Robin has a good day than this match could be a Christmas steal. Naturally this now means Robin will botch three moves, Apocalipsis and Bill will drag this out too long and I’ll be hitting the Pepsi bottle by the eight minute mark.
Winners: I like the technicos, against my better judgment. They take this one in three with Star Jr. pinning Toro Bill to seal it.
Astral, Asturiano, Eléctrico vs. Espíritu Maligno, Mini Joker, Saurón
What to Expect: Remember a couple of weeks/months ago when there was that pretty sweet Estrellas cibernetico where Demus 3:16 nuked dudes and Mini Joker got a surprisingly cool victory over Astral? Well CMLL just did, which is why this match is on the cards and really only missing Demus to be a sure fire great match. In fairness Astral was hurt to a degree so you can’t blame CMLL for holding LOL I couldn’t finish that with a straight face. Come on folks; even if Astral was healthy CMLL wouldn’t have remembered this match until now. This is Paco and the gang we’re talking about, the same dudes who will end the longstanding Guerrero Maya-Dragón Rojo Jr. feud one day with a whimper and then inexplicably make it the Anniversary Show main event a few months later. Somewhere Dragón Rojo is reading this and reacting like this to the news.
Anyways, I’d be more confident about this one if Demus was involved but it still should at least be okay. We know Asturiano will be good and unlike last week actually has people who can catch his moves in Maligno, Joker and the Dark Lord. I’m just hoping we get some consistency. Astral, Maligno and especially Eléctrico all have the capability of raising their game to Joker and Asturiano’s level and yet hardly ever do. They’ll need to here if this match is to be anything more than further set up to the inevitable big match between Astral and Joker later this month. Luckily I think they know this is probably their last showcase match till June and will make the most of it.
Winners: Rudos all day every day. Gotta keep making Joker look strong for the title match right? He’ll pin Astral, perhaps by nefarious means, and we’ll either get a challenge for a title match next week or another trios bout next week which sets up the title match. One of the two.
Blue Panther Jr., Guerrero Maya Jr., The Panther vs. Kráneo, Olímpico, Ripper
What to Expect: Who did Junior, Maya and Panther tick off to get this match?! Last week they were either having the best match of the whole week with Sansón, Cuatrero and Forastero or pinning Hechicero; now they’re stuck with Kráneo, the zombie known as Ripper and an Olímpico who seems to suddenly think he’s Two Face with that ridiculous half mask of his.
On the plus side…wait, is there a plus side? I’ll concede Ripper has done better recently, that Kráneo is actually pretty good most of the time and that Olímpico now only really sucks with this half mask instead of going from suck to blow in a matter of seconds like he did as Old Man Fandango. Even still…me believing this match will be anything more than okay requires me to trust in Ripper and Olímpico, when I’m pretty sure I trust BP Oil and Uwe Boll more than those two. Good grief. I guess the plus side is that the technicos team is really, REALLY good and, provided this isn’t just fourteen minutes of rudo beat downs and mini technico spurts, they should get to show it. I guess what I’m trying to say is hope that Junior, Maya and Panther just go to town on the rudos and get a lot of shit in. If they do then this match has hope. If they don’t…well you can help me make Olímpico/Two Face memes! They’re gonna be a big hit I tell you, unlike Olímpico's next look. Here's a picture of it.
Winners: The Panthers and Maya should win so of course they won’t. I’m going with Olímpico pinning all three of them in the third fall at the same time, leading to Arena Puebla’s fans tearing the building down and Tirantes fleeing for his life. He knows his head is going on a pike if anyone gets to him.
Ephesto, Mephisto, Rush vs. La Máscara, Rey Bucanero, Volador Jr.
What to Expect: This match exists. Why? Fuck if I know. At least Rush is back I suppose. I reckon this will be very much like the debacle of the luchadoras trios match from Friday where Rush and Máscara pal around ala Dalys and the Queen, Volador maybe gets one cool spot in while on cruise control and Mephisto, Ephesto and Bucanero all wonder what in the name of Grodd they’re doing in this match. The good news is it should be short so we can get to the main event of the evening. And hey, credit where credit is due to CMLL; they actually have the match everyone wants to see as the main event and not this one. First time for everything right?!
Winners: Máscara lays down for Rush in the third fall, giving Rush and his boys the win. Volador will react badly to this, then realize like the rest of us that he doesn’t care and escape to the back Ángel de Oro style.
NWA World Historic Middleweight Championship Match
Último Guerrero (c) vs. Valiente
What to Expect: It’s a big one sports fans. These two have both recent and ancient history; in recent times they’ve had numerous trios matches against each other, a CMLL Universal tournament match and were the final two members of Leyenda de Azul, while in (semi) ancient times they’ve squared off for UG’s title three times, with Guerrero winning all three. Of course back then Valiente was merely third wheel to Volador and Mistico in the Sky Team; now he’s in the midst of the biggest push of his life, all while embroiled in controversy over his ring attire (I had to bring it up!). That last point is a big one folks. Valiente vs. UG is a decent match whenever but it’s generally been predictable considering where both guys are on the card. Not this time around. Valiente is clearly on the rise, UG has held this title for awhile and you can not only make the case for both men winning this match but also not be shocked by the result either way. That will be a tremendous lift here. Will it lead to the match being great? That will venture into how much Valiente decides to do here and whether UG is all about getting all his stuff in and nothing more. But it’s got potential and as Valiente’s win over UG in the CMLL Universal tournament showed these two can do something with good work and unpredictability. If nothing else you have that and the fact that two above average luchadors are going at it to look forward to. That in and of itself is difficult to ask for from CMLL these days.
Winner: I really, REALLY want to pick Valiente here and under any other circumstances I think I would. But I’ll go with UG for one reason and one reason only; Carístico. That match is looming large and I can’t imagine CMLL wants UG losing any big singles matches leading into that. That’s the difference maker. Any other time and Valiente would be winning this title while showing no signs of slowing down. Instead he’ll put up a great effort and lose to UG in three falls after a top rope powerbomb. Perhaps the fifth time will be the charm for The Man with No Pants in 2017.
That’s game kids. I’ll be back tomorrow with some CMLL Tuesday talk and perhaps more if I can find the right angle for this piece on Arrow I want to do. Till then, another DUCHOVNY closing line.