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CMLL Tuesday Preview: Yawn

Updated on February 27, 2017

What a past twenty four hours! The Oscars went from a “I’ll watch it because I’m a film geek but I couldn’t be less invested” event into the wildest rollercoaster since the Tower of Terror, I missed previewing CMLL’s Puebla show because I was so caught up in that and…alright that’s all that happened but still; seemed like a lot! Never fear folks; Puebla may be too far gone to preview now, but tomorrow’s Tuesday show isn’t, and I’ve got the goods for you here. Or I suppose the mediocre goods, considering this show is as exciting as dental work outside of the main event. Apologies to all the dentists out there who read my work (even if they know deep down it’s true). But enough about teeth; let’s talk lucha. Moses, just meme it.

Bengala & Marvel vs. Camorra & El Coyote

What to Expect: Nothing says “skip this match” quite like this bout. Yikes this is a lethal combination of boredom and suck. We know Bengala will do nothing of note, Marvel will look like he needs another seven years of training, Camorra will really suck and El Coyote…well he may be the best guy in this match and that tells you all you need to know. If you want to know what Diamante Azul vs. Pierroth will be like, minus the self loathing, check this bad boy out. Otherwise run as fast as you can in the other direction.

Winners: When in doubt, go with the rudos. They take it in three falls.

Acero, Eléctrico, Stukita vs. Mercurio, Pequeño Olímpico, Pierrothito

What to Expect: What’s this; the young luchador team vs. old man luchador team match isn’t second on the card? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?! Did Arkángel de la Muerte finally get enough stroke to move his pals to the Promised Land?!

Actually the most logical answer is that CMLL wanted a minis match to help promote their big Shockercito-Pierrothito match for the Mini-Estrellas Championship this Sunday, a move that would’ve worked better if Shockercito was actually in this match. So it goes I suppose. At least this bout should be pretty good. Pierrothito has been in good form recently and will want to continue it into is title match, Mercurio is generally above average and all three technicos are capable. As long as Stukita and Acero show up, Eléctrico displays some form of consistency and Pequeño Olímpico doesn’t do too much, this could be a really solid second match. I can’t believe I just said that!

Winners: I like the technicos here, even if it makes sense for Pierrothito to win going into this match. They take it after Stukita pins Mercurio with a moonsault in fall three.

Oro Jr., Stigma, Tritón vs. Cancerbero, Raziel, Skándalo

What to Expect: Here’s the young luchadors vs. grumpy old luchadors match! And yes, Skándalo is sadly included. Put in anyone besides Arkángel in his place and this match might’ve had a shot of being really good. Instead you know Skándalo’s going to get an extended sequence where he beats up Stigma and makes all of us regret clicking the link at the start of the show. Our best hope is that that sequence doesn’t last long; Stigma and Oro Jr. continue to show the confidence they’ve displayed in recent weeks, Tritón decides to go all out and Cancerbero and Raziel come ready to play. The chances of all that happening; about the same as the Academy Awards botching the Best Picture Winner and having to reveal their mistake in the middle of the acceptance speech. Hey, maybe there is hope!

Winners: One day a technico team will emerge victorious against Cancerbero and Raziel on a Tuesday Show. This is not that day. The rudos win in three falls, with Cancerbero and Raziel hitting Tritón with a cool double team in the third fall just to twist the knife in some more.

Lightning Match

Esfinge vs. Okumura

What to Expect: This match is probably not going to happen as constructed due to Okumura being out with…what is he injured with again? Whatever it is, he’s gone for at least a few more days, which means Esfinge will be taking on someone else. If there’s a Grodd it’ll be Sam Adonis, but know our luck it’ll probably be Misterioso and holy shit is that scary. Not because of Misterioso mind you, but because of Esfinge. I don’t want to be too hard on Mr. Kiss Me Through the Phone, but then there’s the little thing where his theme song is actually the abomination known as “Kiss Me Through the Phone!” It also doesn’t help that Esfinge is merely okay, something that was truly exposed this past Friday when Tritón and Soberano Jr. were looking like all star luchador as Esfinge merely sat in the corner. He’ll give a good effort here regardless of who it’s against and maybe he’ll do more than usual, but unless he’s matched up with a really dynamic opponent (Sam Adonis! SAM ADONIS! Do it CMLL!) then this is going to be one big bucket of okay. Guess it could be worse; it could be Diamante Azul vs. Pierroth. Or the end of the Oscars.

Winner: The rudo wins. Come on sports fans; it’s Tuesday and it’s Esfinge. I could be making my debut as a rudo against him here and I’d win. Look for whoever the lucky rudo is to put Esfinge down around the seven minute mark.

Guerrero Maya Jr., Johnny Idol, Stuka Jr. vs. Hechicero, Ripper, Vangellys

What to Expect: This match looks really good…until you see there are more luchadors involved after Hechicero. Why CMLL continues to team poor Hechi with lifeless lumps like Ripper and Vangellys when they could be giving him his own group of luchadors who light rocks and fire and have super cool entrances is beyond me. Hell all it would take is a five minute meeting, the realization that Hechicero, Virus, Cancerbero and Raziel would be a super cool unit and we’d be in business! Alas we’re stuck with the guy Blue Panther Jr. is unmasking later this year and the homeless man’s M. Bison.

So what hope do we have for this match? No idea. We know Guerrero Maya and Stuka will bring it and I continue to be a Johnny Idol defender, but the likelihood is Maya and Stuka won’t be going full speed ahead and Idol will more than likely be restricted to the random moonsault here or there. That leaves Hechicero to do some cool stuff and Ripper and Vangellys trying not to mess things up too bad. In short; this will be okay. Man I miss last Friday’s show.

Winners: I actually like the technicos here considering the rudos are just as much a makeshift unit as they are. Look for Maya to roll up Vangellys and Stuka to crush Ripper with the Stuka Splash in the third fall to seal the deal.

Carístico, Dragón Lee, Rey Cometa vs. Cavernario, Felino, Negro Casas

What to Expect: A main event that doubles as the best match of the night (regardless of how much work they’ll do) and our only hope to something being developed going forward that’s actually good. That was the case before Dragón Lee replaced Mistico but it especially is now that Lee’s involvement creates another intriguing title match situation if CMLL chooses to go with it. My guess is that something will be done with Cometa however. He never headlines any show in any form, so his involvement in the main, coupled with the fact that he’s Mexican National Welterweight Champion, leads me to believe CMLL is setting up a title match for him in the next week. That’s excellent; Cometa is awesome, his matches with Cavernario have all been amazing and Felino and Negro Casas are two opponents that would be great contrasts for Cometa’s style. If CMLL is looking to set him up with one of those three, great. If CMLL’s looking to set up Dragón Lee with one of those three, great. Really as long as this match gets enough time, regardless of how many falls, to develop something of a flow, I’m all ears. These six could have a good match in their sleep and regardless of what direction CMLL goes in I expect we’ll get something along those lines.

Winners: I’m really feeling we’re getting a Cometa title match and my guess is, because he and Cavernario have worked together so much, they’ll bypass the caveman and give the shot to either Felino or Casas. And maybe it’s my bias but I’ll say the shot goes to Casas, who sneaks in a foul on Cometa in the second fall that Tirantes misses, leading to a roll up victory and a post match challenge. Rey Cometa vs. Negro Casas; I love the sound of that. It’ll be the best thing since M. Night Shyamalan and Vince Russo booked the final segment of the Oscars!

That’s game sports fans. I’ll be back later tonight to review CMLL Puebla, unless exhaustion gets to me first. Till then, how about we switch up the Buffy memes and bring in some Angel?

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