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Curtis Painter Refuses Haircut Till He Meets Andrew Luck
Winless Suitors Pursue #12: Week 7 Recap
The Dolphins collapsed, the Colts were Ruffied, and the Rams rolled over, as the chase for Andrew Luck intensified in week seven. Everybody's wrong sometime: A couple of weeks ago I proposed that none of these winless teams were that bad. Oops. These three teams, in their current incarnations, are wretched. Anyone who follows the NFL knows the Colts are minus Manning, but the Dolphins and Rams are also without their starting QBs, leaving the likes of Matt Moore (Mia) and AJ Freeley (St. L) guiding their respective offenses. All three teams plainly need and want Andrew Luck at this point.
Recapping the winless three's most recent exploits: Miami had shutout Denver for 57 minutes, leading 15-0, and seemingly heading to victory number one for 2011 when Tim Tebow morphed into Superman mode. Tebow passed for a TD, Denver recovered the on-side kick, Tebow passed for another TD and then ran in a two point conversion in the blink of an eye, sending the game into overtime, where the Broncos won on a 50-something yard field goal kick. The Dolphins epic collapse has their coach, Tony Sparano, tenuously holding onto his job. He is now the odds-on favorite to be the first NFL coach thrown under the bus this season.
Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell can't feel much more secure in his predicament. The Colts drank all night on the French Quarter, loaded up on Ruffies supplied by punter Pat McAfee before the game (see related piece at right), and then got blown out by the Saints, 62-7. Perhaps the Colts only appeared to have undergone said activities before their publicly televised debacle at the hands of Drew Brees & co. The notion that even Peyton Manning couldn't have saved this hapless bunch from a horrid record this season is beginning to dawn on the Colt nation and a sieve defense that gave up eight touchdowns against the Saints can't inspire much confidence that simply adding Andrew Luck will solve all the Colts woes.
Replacement quarterback Curtis Painter asserted his right to sport a greasy blond Prince Valient haircut after the record-setting loss. "I won't have my locks shorn until we are assured an 0-16 season."
The St. Louis Rams, meanwhile, provided ameba-like resistance to the Dallas Cowboys, losing 34-7. Heretofore little heard of back, DeMarco Murray of the Cowboys romped all over St. Louis for 253 yards. Prognosis: Indy may have the best chance of winning this week on the road vs. the Titans. St. Louis hosts the Saints and Miami hits the Meadowlands to face the Giants. Prediction: all three lose again. Stanford and prized asset QB meanwhile put their 7-0 record on the line against USC in the LA Coliseum Saturday night.