ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Fact not fiction, Dan Quinn style: the Greatest Defensive Play in Football History

Updated on July 5, 2013
A statue of Dan Quinn, circa 600 AD
A statue of Dan Quinn, circa 600 AD | Source

Prince Quinn's tragic fall from grace

At the time of this writing (May 2013) Dan Quinn is doing time in a Cali prison. His charges: death threats and the possession of firearms.

At the time of this video (a time I like to call The Golden Age of Dan Quinn YouTube Videos) DQ was living with his mom, making YouTubes and smoking weed all day, getting ripped off of stevia, playing online poker, talking to chicks in "hook up" chatrooms, eating like a pig and occasionally getting his ass kicked MMA style.

Because his life was sucking (and still sucks), Dan invented legendary tales around his past and constructed epic fantasies about the future. Among other things, Dan literally believes that he is the Maitreya-- the fifth and final reincarnation of Buddah.

"I'm Maitreya, bitch."

It's possible to follow his meth-addled, punch drunk, stevia enhanced logic to some degree. Prince Siddhartha was originally fated to live a cushy, aristocratic lifestyle as the legend goes, and Dan believes that the NFL was his true destiny. Just as Siddhartha's father shielded the young Buddah from seeing any sick or old people in his early years, DQ was kept from the knowledge of human suffering because he was the Big Man on Campus at Notre Dame. He had a "free ride" athletic scholarship and NFL aspirations. It's easy to see how Dan relates to Siddhartha, because they both experienced good times and easy money in their early lives.

Beyond that, though, the similarity between Dan and Siddhartha ends. Unlike Buddah, Dan did not choose to journey down the ascetic path (aka getting ripped and lean on stevia at his mom's all day long). No-- Dan was forced into his situation by an twisted, despicable evil genius: Notre Dame Hall of Fame coach "Lucifer" Lou Holtz.

Lucifer Lou Holtz
Lucifer Lou Holtz | Source

Lucifer Lou

To say that Dan hates Lou Holtz with a passion is putting it mildly. Put it like this, home boy:

"Well you know what, man? It's like this. What I'm going to do is assassinate your f*cking character with truth over and over, until there is a good chance that you might commit suicide. Okay?"

Dan has built an elaborate conspiracy theory around "The Play." According to Dan, "The Play" could have allowed him to rise to NFL levels of fame and fortune... if it wasn't for Lucifer Lou.

Dan believes that Lou Holtz was intentionally trying to lose the game to Pitt. He believes this mainly because Holtz told Quinn to stay home and watch for a surprise sweep on fourth down. To Quinn, this was the equivalent of saying "go ahead and let Pitt score." Of course coaches call unexpected plays to surprise the opposing team all the time, but DQ ain't hearing that.

Instead of staying home, Quinn activated his instincts, read the running back, turned on his famous "jets" and charged in to made the stop. Turnover on downs. Pitt didn't score, and Notre Dame got the ball back.

Notre Dame drove the ball and punted, and then Holtz switched from a 3-4 defense to a 4-3. There was no need for an extra linebacker in this formation, so Quinn was benched. Quinn interpreted this as Holtz punishing him for not allowing Pitt to score on fourth down.

He's never quite recovered from this injustice.

Quinn fans are more than familiar with his exhausting habit of recounting this story over and over again. In video after video. Rewinding the film over and over. Adding extra analysis. Conjuring up various what-if scenarios.

In this particular vid Quinn is limited to a 10 minute spiel, but this one was shot in the days before YouTube started allowing its videomakers to produce 60 minute long epics. In the later part of his YouTube career if Quinn was in a particularly down-and-out mood, he would fill up an entire hour with bittersweet reflections on this single play.

Toward the end of this DQ classic, Quinn reveals some of his plans for the future. Other videos go into more detail concerning these plans, but in this one Dan only tantalizes us with a mere outline.


Dan's plans to reclaim that which is rightfully his

He has three plans up his sleeve. Plans that will help him achieve levels of fame and fortune that will allow Quinn to expose Holtz for the monster that he is. Plans that will allow Quinn to vindicate himself, once and for all.

Here are his three ideas:

1. Get the Vagos to hold a coast-to-coast bike rally. The Vagos could get ripped on stevia and stay up all night. A snowball of media attention might follow. If so, stevia would get famous, and so would Dan. Because Dan is stevia spokesman.

2. The second plan involves renting out a NASCAR speedway:

"How about this we get some speedway. Track? Ha ha. You know? It doesn't matter. And just go around in circles for 36 hours and sh*t. A-ha ha ha ha ha ha! You know? Getting spun on stevia, setting a world record. Yeah, that'd be cool."

3. Dan's third brilliant idea is to make a large vat of Pure H20 (the fountain of youth) and offer it to various college football teams. For free. The guys who took it would get lean and ripped. Then, everyone would get on stevia. And DQ will rocket to fame and fortune.

Before he signs off, DQ references how he once took stevia prior to a match and broke an opponent's collarbone.

Oddly enough, that story is actually true.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I hate my life but at least this makes it belaebar.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)